Welcome!

This blog is intended to be a quick reference to find answers to questions you encounter while implementing Babywise, Toddlerwise, Preschoolwise, Childwise, etc., along with other books I love! If this is your first time visiting this blog, please see: Using This Blog. Be sure to take note of the Blog Index for a list of all articles on the blog.

The current wait time for responses to comments is about three weeks. If you want more immediate responses, please join the Chronicles Yahoo! Group.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas!

I wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas! I know not all of you follow the Children's Learning Activities blog, so I thought I would post this poem I wrote here, too. I am by no means a poet--I am a technical writer! But I wrote this so I could have something to teach my children about the symbols of Christmas:

Remember Christmas
by Valerie L. Plowman


Red reminds of the blood He spilt
to wash away and cleanse all of our guilt

White is for His actions, most pure.
Through sinless perfection, He did endure.

Green is for the life eternal
we can obtain through our Lord supernal.

The star shines like the one so bright
that twinkled above that first Christmas night.

The fir tree is for many things:
the tree of Jesse--the father of kings,
and for the needles pointing to the Lord--
that little babe we all adored.

The wreath shows one eternal round;
the begin' of the Lord cannot be found.

The lights remind us that this babe
is the light of the world, and born to save.

The candy cane is for the crook;
not one sheep or lamb the shepherd forsook.

The Christmas bells we love to ring
proclaim joy! The birth of a newborn king.

These symbols remind us that we,
more like the three wise men all now should be.

Earnestly seeking to find the new babe
who humbly in a manger laid.


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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Making Babyfood Tip

As McKenna has gotten older, I have come to realize a great little tip for making babyfood in mass quantities.

If you are making babyfood for 2-3 months (or more), my tip is to not thin it much when you make it initially. I discovered this accidentally. I made some food that I just didn't add much water to (carrots). It was smooth, but thick. When she was younger, I would add water to get it as thin as she needed it. As she got older, however, I would add less and less water until I didn't add any.

As they grow, their consistency needs change. If you make it thicker, you can always add water when you serve it, but you can't take the water out. So, if you are making a large batch, try not adding much water so the food can "grow" with your baby.

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Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Baby Summary: Week 38

What a busy week for McKenna! She seems to have decided to show me with full force that she is growing up.

NURSING
All is well and we are still nursing four times a day.

SLEEPING
Sleeping started a bit rough (for her) because she cut her first tooth! For a couple of days, she took some shorter naps than normal, but nighttime sleep was fine.

SOLIDS/FINGER FOODS
McKenna still loves eating what we eat. One night, she had her finger foods while we were eating dinner. We were eating French Toast. Since she can't have eggs yet, she couldn't have French Toast. She was not pleased with this. She wanted what we were having! We of course also had oranges (no citrus for her!), so overall she was not pleased with this dinner experience :). I realized I should be more careful in meal planning and make sure there is something she can have from our meal each night. I want to encourage her wanting to eat what we eat.

I have started making her baby food chunkier to transition her to eating her food without purees. I fork mash as much as possible without using the Baby Food Mill or a blender/mixer.

ECZEMA
Her eczema is amazing! There is no sign of it at all and her skin is literally the softest skin I have ever felt in my life. This is what I currently do. I give her a bath 3-4 times a week. I use either Aveeno body wash or Aquaphor. I honestly find the bath wash to be basically the same between the two. Her baths are luke warm.

After the bath, I put her on her towel and carry her to her room, drying her hair as we walk. I then put her on her changing table and pat her diaper area dry and immediately put a diaper on her. By then, her body is usually dry enough without me having to dry her any more.

I put hydrocortizone cream on her back because that is where she breaks out into rash. I then put Aquaphor on her. That is nice stuff. It is basically the consistency of vasseline. It doesn't spread easily, but it is very moisturizing. I then put her Aveeno eczema lotion on her, which I think helps spread around the aquaphor better. Then I dress her.

In the evening before bed, I lotion her just using her normal lotion.

On non- bath days, I lotion her in the morning with the Aveeno lotion and then in the evening with her normal lotion. This is what I do now that there is no sign of rash. It seems to be maintaining things well.

However, her head is now starting to get dry, so if any of you have any good shampoo recommendations, I am all ears! Also, in case her face gets dry, I would be interested in face treatement. Thanks!

DISRUPTIONS
Disrtuptions still continued this week. This is one reason I like having spring babies; they are old enough to handle disruptions by the time Christmas comes around. Of course, this last summer I realized that is kind of silly because summer is basically three months of craziness while Christmas is only one month.

TEETHING
McKenna has definitely had teething pains and signs off and on for several months, but this week she actually cut the tooth! For my other two, the worst pain seemed to be before the tooth ever broke through. For McKenna, it seemed to continue for a few days after the initial break through. Her cheek got all red and rosy while she was in pain, so that is kind of nice that she displays that obvious teething sign.

SLEEP DISRUPTIONS
You know how I have that post "Nap Disruptions: Standing, Crawling, Rolling, etc."? Well, add to that "etc" shaking head no. McKenna is just in love with shaking her head no. I think it is partly because we all get such a kick out of it and laugh and laugh when she does it. She shakes her head no for any physical movement you try to do with her. Sign all done? She shakes her head no (even when she agrees). Sign more? Shakes her head no. Wave bye-bye? Shakes her head no.

So one morning, I heard her talking at 5:30 AM. I turned on the video monitor and saw her in bed, looking at the monitor, shaking her head no. It was really cute and really funny. Happily, we both went back to sleep :)

She also started crawling (army style) this week. So far, we haven't had sleep disruptions with it. I am naturally hoping we never do.

TALKING
McKenna started undeniably talking with a purpose this week. One night, I was getting dinner ready and she was in her high chair. She was kind of fussing a bit, trying to let me know she was done. I was telling her to wait for a minute. She sat there with much concentration and suddenly started blurting out, "All duh! All duh!" I rewarded her by getting her out :). So now when she is done, she will let us know with words.

She also started calling her Daddy "Da Da." She has quickly learned that when she says that, he is immediately right with her. Aren't babies so smart?

OUR SCHEDULE
8:15 AM--wake, nurse, solids (prunes or peaches and oatmeal)
9:35-9:45 AM--nap
12:20 PM--wake, nurse, solids (green veggie and applesauce. Sometimes mix with blueberries).
2:00 PM--nap
4:30 PM--wake, nurse, solids (yellow veggie and bananas or pears).
5:30ish PM--dinner with family. Finger foods and what we are having.
6:30 PM--nap. Some nights, she stays up until 6:45-6:50. We are getting closer to dropping this nap.
7:45ish PM--wake, nurse, PJs, story, bed

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Monday, December 21, 2009

Discipline and Preschoolers: Explain Why


As your little toddler turns into your little preschooler, you will need to start changing some of your strategies when you correct, just as you did as you moved from babyhood to toddlerhood. One thing you will need to add to your bag of tricks is explaining why.

Now that your child is old enough to understand, why is very powerful for him. Why allows him to assign meaning to rules and apply this meaning to future actions. Why is an explanation of what he did, why it wasn't okay, and what he should do instead. You are providing your child with knowledge, and knowledge is power!

For your preschooler, sometimes this explanatory process is the only "correction" that needs to happen when he does something wrong. You do, however, need to be sure that the explanation you give is age appropriate. There is an example used in On Becoming Preschoolwise of walking through a vegetable garden (page 159). They talk about teaching children to stay on the walking path and to stay off of the growing plants. They point out that a three year old won't really understand a lecture on how long it takes your plant to recover after it has been trampled. He can, however, understand that he needs to stay on the path.

So impart knowledge, but do it on the level appropriate for your particular child. The term "preschooler" can apply to children through age three and four, so there is obviously a wide realm of understanding within this age group. As you start to explain why to your child, you will start to notice him connecting things and realize how to apply what he has learned to new situations.

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Friday, December 18, 2009

Importance of Exercise and Stimulation

If your child is suddenly not sleeping well, two things to consider are activity level and stimulation.

People sleep better if they have adequate physical activity in life. One thing Weissbluth mentions in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child is if your baby stops sleeping well, evaluate physical activity.

You might find sleep problems creeping up in the cold winter months or hot summer months. Perhaps you have a rainy season when you don't go outside much. During these times, your child is likely to not get the exercise he needs each day.

How can you get exercise for your child? Here are some ideas:

For Baby

  • Tummy Time: For a baby, tummy time is a great little workout.
  • Physical Activities: Your baby will constantly be working on some new physical milestone. Be sure to give her time and opportunity to practice these milestones, whether it be rolling, sitting, standing, crawling, or walking.
  • Jumperoo: The jumperoo is a great item for providing exercise. I find McKenna will jump in it more when I stand in front of her and jump along.

For Toddler

  • Brave the Weather: Find some way to squeeze some outside time in when you can. If the days are too hot, go out in the evening. If the days are cold, bundle up and make a snowman or shovel snow. You could go for a short walk. If the days are rainy, get out the rainboots and splash in the puddles.
  • Indoor Exercise: You can come up with some ways to get exercise inside when you just can't go outside. You can get a mini trampoline. You can dance to music. If you have hard floors, you can let your child ride a scoot along toy, scooter, or small bicycle. Practice hopping and rolling, play red light green light...just do what it takes to blow some steam.
  • Indoor Activities: Take your child to the play place at the mall or the fast food restaurant. You can also see if there is a gym or something you can go to with large areas to run and play.
  • Organized Activities: They have mommy and me classes and other indoor activities you can sign up for.

For Child

  • Toddler stuff: You can do what is listed for toddlers
  • Add to it: A Preschooler and older is able to do more physically than a toddler: Somersaults, hopping on one foot, etc.
  • Organized Sports: Once your child is old enough, you can get involved in organized sports. Indoor basketball, indoor swim lessons, dance lessons, etc.

Stimulation is also an important factor on your child's sleep. The brain needs to be exercised just like the body. You do want to be cautious to avoid overstimulation. See posts linked below. But you also need to make sure there is enough stimulation (isn't parenting fun? :) ).

For many parents, they rarely have too little stimulation for their baby. I never ran into this personally until I had McKenna. I was very cautions with her stimulation levels. As she got older, I started to see that I needed to add stimulation to her waketime.

For an older child, lack of stimulation can happen quite easily. This would be lack of brain-exercising stimulation. This happens when the child spends too much time in front of the television. This doesn't work the brain. Some time is fine, but you don't want too much.

Learning time each day is fun for your child, but simply playing with toys and using the imagination provides a workout. You don't want too much non-interactive activities. You don't want abosorption learning, you want interactive learning.

Resources

The books The Toddlers Busy Book , Preschooler's Busy Book , and The Siblings' Busy Book
all have tons of ideas for things to do with your child, including rainy day play. The Sibling's Busy Book even has stuff for babies. There is also the Children's Learning Activities blog. These resources all have ideas for keeping your child physically and mentally challenged throughout the entire year.

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Thursday, December 17, 2009

Baby Whisperer: Waking Early From Naps

Tracy Hogg, author of The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems, has two different methods for teaching your baby to sleep through the nap rather than habitually waking at the 45 minute mark. Before we discuss this, however, I want to point a few things out.



  1. GROWTH SPURTS: I want to point out that if your baby has been sleeping well and is suddenly waking early, there is an excellent chance it is a growth spurt. Growth spurts happen every 3-4 weeks. Yes, I know they are tiring. Be sure to feed your baby during growth spurts as often as needed. If you don't, the early waking will just continue on.
  2. WAKING BUT HAPPY: Hogg says that if your baby wakes early every once in a while and is in bed happy, just leave her. I agree with this. For the random early waking and the happy baby, just leave her be and do your best to not stress.
  3. WAKING BUT UPSET: If your baby wakes early and is upset/crying, then she didn't get enough sleep. This is when you help her get back to sleep. Your approach to this will depend on you. Some moms do cry it out. Some will rock their baby back to sleep. Some will move to a swing our bouncy chair. Some pat the baby. Some will do a Baby Whisperer method (listed below). Whatever you do, please remember the growth spurt category (number one above). The baby can wake up upset if she is hungry, so keep that in mind.

WAKE TO SLEEP
The first Baby Whisperer method to stop early waking is called "wake to sleep." Basically what you do is wake your baby before she wakes on her own. For the 45 minute waking, you would go in and rouse her at thirty minutes. You don't want her to fully wake up. You then pat her gently until she goes back to sleep, which might take 15-20 minutes. If she cries, you move on to pick up put down.

I haven't ever done this. If it sounds like something you want to try, you will probably want to read it for yourself in the book (page 251). The idea of this is to get her used to sleeping through the cycle rather than continuing to habitually wake up at the 40-45 minute mark.

PICK UP/PUT DOWN
I haven't ever tried this method, either. This can be used to help her fall asleep initially or after she wakes early. Hogg says that when you first start this, you might be doing it for an entire nap period. She says it is important to stick to feeding times, so if/when meal time comes, stop and do feeding. The information on this method cover pages 251-263, so there is a lot more than I will put. Here is the info for you to see if you are interested.

Basically, you pick the baby up and hold him until she stops crying. Then you lay her down. If she starts to cry, you pick up, hold, wait for her to stop crying, then put her back down. You do this until she falls asleep or until it is feeding time. This can also be done in the night.

Hogg says to not do this until baby is 4-5 months old because it is too stimulating before that age. She also says you can do this 100 times or more before the baby will fall asleep.

CONCLUSION
Here are a couple more options for you when your baby wakes early. Be sure also see the many waking early posts on this blog.

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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Poll Results: When your toddler got settled into one nap a day, how long was the nap?

Results:

Around 1 hour: 10 votes (3%)
Around 1.5 hours: 44 votes (14%)
Around 2 hours: 88 votes (29%)
Around 2.5 hours: 74 votes (24%)
Around 3 hours: 80 votes (26%)
3.5 hours or more: 7 votes (2%)

RELATED POSTS/BLOG LABELS

  • Poll Results
  • Dropping Naps

    Reminder: You can leave comments on poll results posts if you would like to add to the poll after it has closed. This would be helpful for those who have more than one child, those whose children have reached certain ages after a poll closed, and those who didn't visit the blog while that poll was open. To find closed polls, click on the poll results link above.

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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Baby Summary: Week 37

This week was busy for the family, but highly uneventful for McKenna. She is still as cute as ever and admired by strangers :). Everywhere we go, we get comments on what an alert, happy baby she is from people. I really don't think we ever take her out without someone approaching us and commenting on how observant she is and how happy she is.

NURSING
All is well and we are still nursing 4 times a day.

SLEEPING
Everything was great and normal with sleeping this week.

SOLIDS/FINGER FOODS
McKenna really likes to eat what we are eating. At dinner each night, I make sure there is something we are eating that she can eat. So far, there isn't anything she has tried that she doesn't like.

ECZEMA
Her eczema is looking much, much better. I created a spreadsheet and uploaded it to the Chronicles Yahoo! group. I am using it to track what I do and what her eczema is looking like so I can figure out exactly what is best for her. I am glad I am because in the two days I have been doing it, I noticed that I am not changing things only one at a time. I need to change one thing a day, not more than one. One day I changed two and the next morning her back was a little red. I didn't know which thing caused the red, so I need to be more careful about what I change, and the spreadsheet helps me do that.

DISRUPTIONS
McKenna is a baby who handles disruptions well, so that is nice for this time of year. We have lots of parties going on during her last nap of the day and she is a little trooper. She doesn't get fussy at all until it is past bedtime :). She was also great one day that was majorly thrown off. 'Tis the season for disruptions!

OUR SCHEDULE
8:15 AM--wake, nurse, solids (prunes or peaches and oatmeal)
9:35-9:45 AM--nap
12:20 PM--wake, nurse, solids (green veggie and applesauce. Sometimes mix with blueberries).
2:00 PM--nap
4:30 PM--wake, nurse, solids (yellow veggie and bananas or pears).
5:30ish PM--dinner with family. Finger foods and what we are having.
6:30 PM--nap
7:45ish PM--wake, nurse, PJs, story, bed

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Monday, December 14, 2009

Help A Reader Out: Toddler Sleep Problems

I know I said I was going to do this once a week or so, but I was answering questions today and found this. She has been dealing with the issue for so long, I couldn't see any good reason to wait for Saturday to post it!

Bradysmom and Janelle have similar problems. Here is the background:

~~~~~~~

bradysmom said...
I need help! Has anyone else experienced sleep problems at 16-18 months? Brady was ALWAYS an awesome sleeper at night. The only time he's had issues is when he was teething, he would wake an hour early in the morning. But for the past month or so, he's been waking somewhere between 5:30 and 6:30 everyday and not going back to sleep. And the last month I've also heard him throughout the night. At night he'll go right back to sleep, but I hear him wake up with a cry throughout the night.

I have tried changing bed times and that didn't seem to make a difference. His room is pitch black. I know that his diaper had been pretty wet in the morning, but he's already in a size bigger-overnight diaper.

We have had some changes - about a month ago we went to 1 nap a day. 3 months ago we got a new nanny. And 5 months ago I went back to work full time. Although that shouldn't really matter because before I was only off every other Friday.

I really don't know what to do and I am extremely exhausted. One of my friends told me that her pediatrician said to put them on Benedryl for 2 weeks at night and that would solve it. But I don't really agree with that.

So- does anyone have any advice as to what to do? Should we go back to 2 naps a day? Is he not getting enough food during the day? Should I drop his last bottle (he gets at 7:30 before bed). He is 18 months, and goes to bed between 7:30 and 7:50 everyday. He used to wake no earlier than 7:00, but usually at 7:30 sometimes 8:00. Oh, and he's not teething. He's got all his teeth in now - except the 2 yr molars but wouldn't expect him to get those, especially since he was a very late teether.

Please help! ... Thanks for the help!

August 21, 2009 4:40 AM

[Yes, that is the correct date]

~~~~~~~

Plowmanators said...
bradysmom,

My guess is that he might need two naps again. It can take some time for the sleep deficit to catch up to him.

If you don't do two naps, I would move bedtime up 1-1.5 hours.

September 5, 2009 9:59 AM

~~~~~~~

Janelle said...

bradysmom,
I am in the same boat you are. At around 18 months, my son started taking a while to fall asleep. Then at 19 months he started waking early in the morning. Like your son, mine used to wake up around 7:30 am but now he wakes up at 6:30 crying. I think it might be too late to go back to two naps for us (he's been on only one nap for 3 months) but I'm trying an earlier bed time this week. I guess this really isn't any new advice, I just thought I'd let you know that we are going through similar situations. Good luck with your little one and your full time job!

November 30, 2009 1:11 PM

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bradysmom said...

Janelle - has anything worked for you? We have been dealing with this for so long now I have no idea what to do. Brady is now almost 22 months. It's 6am and I have been awake since 4:20am with him. The thing with Brady is that he goes to be just fine - no matter what time I put him down. I've tried changing bed times. Currently his bed time is 6:45, which my husband thinks is too early. I've tried to go back to 2 naps, but if we put him down in the morning, he rarely ever sleeps in the afternoon. Which then leaves me with a toddler that has been awake from 11am - bed time. I am really just completely stressed and sleep deprived. I'm not enjoying this much because all I do is try to figure this out and stress over it. I really don't know what else to do. We did move about a month ago - so I'm sure that adds to it. Today is Wed, since Monday his nose has been stuffy. But I think he's starting to teeth with his 2 year molars - he takes FOREVER to teeth. and when he's teething his nose gets really, really runny. I just don't know any more. I feel like I've tried everything. I'm sure that all of the lack of sleep is causing this cycle now - and he's not sleeping because he's so over tired.

So this is his "normal" schedule - up at 7, which until he was 10 months old was always 7:30. Eats, independent play time, free play time, structured learning time, coloring time, music time, lunch at 11:30, nap after that at 12:15. I would like to put him down later for his nap, but he can't go that long. So he usually wakes up from his nap between 2:30 and 3:15. Then we get ready for bed around 6:20 and he's asleep no later than 7.

So - do I need to change his schedule around? I just don't know what to do. The pediatrician isn't any help.

By the way - if anyone out there lives in Maryland and has suggestions for a pediatrician let me know.

I'm completely at a loss, and this has been going on for so long that I'm so frustrated and upset that I can't figure it out and get it under control. This coming from a baby that we never had night time issues with!

December 2, 2009 4:10 AM

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Janelle said...

bradysmom,
Unfortunately we haven't found anything that really works yet. My son is also teething and this might be causing the problems. We did let him CIO one morning when he work before 6:00am He cried for about 20 mins. then stopped crying but never went back to sleep. He just laid there. (We have a video monitor so I could see that he was awake) Your schedule looks a lot like mine. Logan is in his crib for his nap by 12:30 and is almost always awake by 2:30. Then bedtime is at 7:00. Letting him CIO that one morning did help a little because he is now sleeping until around 6:30am. It's just frustrating because no matter what time I put him to bed at night, he always lays awake in his crib for about an hour. So even if he is in bed by 7:00pm he doesn't go to sleep until 8:00pm. But he's not talking to himself or playing with anything. He is just tossing and turning so going in to him would be a bad idea. I wish I had more suggestions for you, but I don't. Just know that you are not alone!

Maybe Val will have some more ideas for us!

December 2, 2009 1:14 PM

~~~~~~~

Plowmanators said...

Bradysmom and Janelle,

I am posting your questions for the next "help a reader out" segment.

Some things to consider are the basic...hot or cold? Do you need to dress them differently at night? Is there some noise waking them? White noise might help.

Teething can do it as can moving--and those 2 year molars take forever (Kaitlyn has literally been getting them in constantly since the end of August).

Hopefully some readers will have some experience/advice for you!

December 14, 2009 9:12 PM
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Finding/Teaching Positive Behavior

"Mommy, I'm going to go do some service at [the neighbor's]." This is the magical phrase I heard from Brayden (4.5) two days ago. We were out shoveling snow in our driveway (already service to Daddy since he had surgery on his foot and couldn't do it). He decided to go shovel the neighbor's driveway, as well.

How do we teach our children to love service? How do we teach them to love any positive attribute? On Becoming Preschoolwise has a great idea (starting on page 185). Basically, you make a chart that includes positive attributes you want to see your preschooler develop (faithfulness, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control, etc.). Each time you see your child display one of these attributes, you point it out. You tell your child what happened and how it relates to this virtue. You then have your child put a sticker on the chart. For some, this might be enough of a reward. For others, you can have a special treat for every 10 stickers.

What does this activity do? How does it help? For one thing, it forces you, the parent, to focus on the positive. This takes us back to looking to ourselves and changing our behavior. Instead of chiding our child for every misstep, we will be acknowledging the many good things our child does throughout the day.

Another good thing is that the child feels happy when he does something right, and he knows that you recognize more than his mistakes. This happiness will encourage him to try to do right things more often.

Another thing it does is help your child recognize what is good behavior. By you explaining what he did and how that displayed a certain virtue, he will come to understand the meaning of that virtue better.

I am sure some of you out there are feeling skeptical at this point. You might be thinking, "I want my child to be kind because it is what he should do, not because he gets a sticker for it." Yes, that is true. That is what you want. But you have to work up to it. Your child is moving from believing the world revolves around him and not understanding morals to realizing other people have feelings and that there are moral standards.

This activity helps teach your child what the moral standards are, and it gives him motivation to practice it. The first step before you can have a change of heart is to try. For an adult, perhaps we can try just because we know we should. But for a child, extra motivation might be needed. As you get your child excited about, understanding of, and in the habit of doing the right thing, he will start to do it because it is who he is. He will do it because he loves, not because he gets a sticker.

This month, we have been doing the Straw Bed For Jesus activity I described on the Children's Learning Activities Blog. When we first started, the children were excited to think about the service they had done that day. Over the next few days, I would drop hints like, "That would be nice service if you went and helped Daddy with that right now." As the days have gone by, they have started to recognize opportunities themselves and have sought them out. They are starting to love service (one note, this is much more true for Brayden than for Kaitlyn, who is 2.5).

Hopefully I have convinced you. If not, just try it and see what happens :)

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Saturday, December 12, 2009

Help A Reader Out: Extended Crying Before Naps

Rebecca asked*:

I have a rather long-winded question for you. We started Babywise with my daughter when she was 6 weeks old (CIO included). She is now almost 12 months old and STILL has to CIO before naps.

She was not a 'textbook' babe when we first started CIO; she would have cried for hours had we let her. My husband and I have been very consistent with her feedings & waketimes because I feel it is important to do CIO responsibly.

For a while (maybe 4-8mo of age) it seemed a little better; she would only cry 10-15min or so when we laid her down. But the past 3 months have been tough--she will talk/fuss/cry for an hour or more at times.

I lay her down for naps at the same time every day, and bedtime is the same also (bedtime is the only time she doesn't CIO; just goes right to sleep).

Do you have any suggestions? We have tried troubleshooting everything; waketime lengths, etc, but it is so frustrating. I would greatly appreciate any insight or advice. I know she might just be a baby who needs to 'blow off steam' before naps, but for more than an hour? Ack!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*I broke it up into paragraphs.

Please share your thoughts and experiences on this topic! Thanks everyone!
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Help a Reader Out

I have a friend who writes a popular exercise blog. She has a series called "help a reader out" where she posts a question from a reader and asks the blog readers to help answer it. I thought that sounded like a helpful series! I can answer many questions, but there are always those topics that I have no experience with. So every so often on Saturdays, I will post a question I had that week that I just don't really know the answer to. Please add your thoughts! Thanks everyone!
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Friday, December 11, 2009

Preschooler Summary: 4.5 Years Old

Continuing on with my new tradition of doing summaries, here is a summary for Brayden as he is now 4.5! Here are some notable items going on with him right now. I am sure I will leave a lot out. It is hard to cover every pertinent item in one post! But here is a try.

SLEEPING
Sleep is good. A notable recent event is that we officially moved to rest time. He has rest time for one hour each day instead of a nap. He is in bed by 8 PM and up by 7-7:15 AM.

EATING
Brayden has always been a very good eater. He isn't always excited to try new things, but he always does. He is very good about eating fruits and vegetables. Brayden loves to eat.

DISCIPLINE
Brayden has always been a very obedient child. He desires to be good. He just gets easier and easier as he gets older. He is at a point that if he does something he shouldn't, I remove a privilege instantly. He used to be on more of a warning system, but as he has gotten better, I have become more strict with it. I do this for things he knows he shouldn't do. It is interesting as he matures, too. He fully recognizes and accepts that he did something wrong. He doesn't complain about it at all.

SIBLINGS
Brayden loves his siblings. He and Kaitlyn are best friends. The play well together.McKenna is his biggest fan. She just laughs and laughs at him, and he loves to entertain.

SOCIALIZING
Brayden has started socializing more with other children over the past six months. He will come home with new phrases or noises that I don't approve of. I explain to him that we don't do/say that and why. He understands and it isn't a problem. Watching this process has made me more adamant about Kaitlyn not going out and socializing a lot because she doesn't have the moral development as a two year old to be able to not pick up on the habits of other children.

BOSSINESS
Our biggest obstacle with Brayden right now is bossiness. He thinks he is the third parent in the household, which is pretty normal for an oldest child. Let's be honest, I still have a hard time not parenting my little sister! We remind Brayden that he is not the boss, not the Daddy, and that Kaitlyn doesn't need another parent. She needs a brother. He catches himself sometimes and says, "Oh, yeah, I'm not the boss." There has been slow improvement in this area over Kaitlyn's life, but there is still much room for improvement.

SHARING
Sharing is our second biggest obstacle. He used to have a hard time sharing. He has had VAST improvement since Kaitlyn turned one and really started playing with him. He still struggles with the whole concept and sometimes believes that sharing means he gets what he wants when he wants it. As he gets older, he sees how happy it makes Kaitlyn when he shares and he likes to make her happy, so he does it.

PRESCHOOL
Brayden started preschool in September. He goes three times a week, and he loves it! He has a great teacher. He is one of the youngest in his class as a May birthday. Because of that, I have known that I might need to keep him back from kindergarten for one year. A couple of weeks ago, I asked his teacher about this. She told he he was absolutely ready and one of the smartest in the class. Well, I know that academically he would be just fine, but I wondered about socially and behaviorally. She said he was great socially and no problems behaviorally. She said he is always very good in class. She told me she had never even thought about him possibly not being ready for kindergarten next year, so that was good news. I think he would go crazy waiting :).

His primary teacher at church tells me he is a leader among his peers, which isn't surprising as an oldest child. I just hope he leads in the right direction :)

OUR SCHEDULE
His schedule changes a bit from day to day. He has a "preschool" day schedule and a "non-preschool" day schedule.

Preschool Day
7:15 AM--wake, say prayers, come to my room. We then go set the table for breakfast. I get Kaitlyn up and we eat. We have a short music time. We then do a fast bath and get ready for the day.
8:05 AM--Sibling Playtime with Kaitlyn
9:05 AM--finish getting ready for school (hair, shoes on, coat, and back pack)
9:15 AM--picked up for preschool (we carpool)
12:10 PMish--home from school. Eat lunch. Play with Kaitlyn until nap time.
1:00 PM--nap (rest time)
2:00 PM--independent playtime
3:00 PM--Learning time with mom. Do chores.*
3:30 PM--nintendo time/PBSkids computer games time/TV time. When weather is nice, he will go outside instead. Sometimes he plays with neighbors instead.
4:30 PM--Daddy home. Activities vary from that point forward.
7:00/7:30 PM--start getting ready for bed. Do chore charts. Stories.
8:00 PM--in bed

Non-Preschool Day
Non-preschool day is pretty similar. We start similarly. Differences are that we take a long bath after McKenna goes down for her first nap, so sibling playtime is longer. We also start lunch earlier. Our non-preschool day is much more relaxed. It is kind of like we have three Saturdays a week now :)

GOOD BOOKS

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Thursday, December 10, 2009

Disciplining the Strong-Willed Child

If you have a strong-willed child, discipline can be hard. Part of the reason for this is that parents of strong-willed children often don't respond well. They are impatient and might raise their voices. This only compounds the problem because it seems to make strong-willed children more disobedient.

Maintaining patience with an easy child is easy. Imagine your patience level with your 6 month old. Your baby doesn't do anything to deliberately disobey you. The actions are not moral. Compare that to a four year old who grabs something off the counter right after you finished telling him not to touch it...and your patience level is different.

While children have a temperament from birth, they learn other behaviors through various social interactions, for good and for bad. Children learn through modeling, reinforcement, and punishment (page 16).

Modeling
Modeling is showing by example. If you want your children to do a certain thing, you need to model it. Do you want them to eat vegetables? Then you eat vegetables--in front of them. Do you want your children to say please and thank you? Then you say please and thank you.

The saying, "Do as I say and not as I do" absolutely does not work for children. Example is much more powerful than words. For more about this idea, see In Action: Looking to Self First and Parenting Skills: Look to Yourself First.

Reinforcement
Reinforcement is what happens after behavior. If the behavior is followed up by something positive, then behavior is strengthened and more likely to occur in the future (page 17). Reinforcement does not equal gifts, bribes, or rewards. Reinforcement is often social in nature. A smile, a laugh, attention, etc. (page 17). I think we all know that sometimes we give positive reinforcement that actually reinforces negative behavior, like the first time your baby spits food all over your face. There will likely be a lot of laughter if you have other people watching!

If a behavior is followed by negative reinforcement, behavior is also strengthened. They point out that true negative reinforcement is difficult to understand, and it is not the same as punishment (page 17-18). It is when your child does something negative and it results in something positive. The example in the book is that the child is assertive toward another child in telling her to stop throwing sand. It works, so the assertiveness is negatively reinforced. I wish they had more information on this in the book, but I doubt most parents really care about the intricacies of negative vs. positive reinforcement :)

See also these posts on Encouragement vs. Reward and Encouragement.

Punishment
Punishment weakens behavior--at least if it is done effectively. Punishment includes time-out, reprimands, loss of privilege, and anything else that weakens your child's behavior (page 19). For Brayden, removing his clock from his room is a punishment. Punishment is effective if used consistently and appropriately.

You don't want to rely too much on punishment to change your child's behavior. That is likely the reason Forehand and Long listed it last in this list. Relying too much on punishment can create the following problems (pages19-20):


  • Teaches child what not to do but not what to do. For more thoughts on this idea, see Childishness vs. Foolishness.
  • Punishment might need to get harsher and harsher over time to maintain effectiveness.
  • Frequent punishment can lead to resentment from child.
  • You receive what you give. You reap what you sow.

For more on punishment, see the discipline blog label linked below.

FACTORS THAT CONTINUE STRONG-WILLED BEHAVIOR
Everything I have talked about so far is straight-forward and easy to understand on paper. It all seems so intuitive. Be a good example. Reinforce good behavior. Punish bad behavior. Life is never as simple as it looks on paper though :) Here are factors that continue strong-willed behavior in your child:

Positive Reinforcement Trap (pages 20-21)
This is basically when your child starts to throw a fit after you tell him no and you then give in. You reward the child for crying and fussing by providing attention, comfort, candy, toys, etc. The next time your child wants something, he will be more likely to throw a fit to get what he wants.

Doing this one time isn't going to have a permanent affect on your child's behavior. Your child will likely try it again, but if you don't give in again, your child will probably move on to something else like the little scientist that he is.

If your child has inappropriate behavior, analyze yourself. Are you doing something to reward it?

Negative Reinforcement Trap (page 21)
You tell your child to pick up his toys. He doesn't. You remind him. He doesn't. You nag him. He cries. He might call you mean. He runs to his room in despair. You decide it is easier to pick the toys up yourself. Your child learned he can cry, call you names, and run away and not only does it stop your nagging, but he doesn't have to clean up! Again, analyze yourself.

Coercive Process (pages 23-24)
The coercive process is basically that you and your child learn from each other and react to each other's behavior. You might raise your voice after giving an instruction. Your child's response will be to obey. You will be more likely to raise your voice in the future, an probably sooner. With the coercive process, the child's behavior gets worse and the parent's behavior gets more frequent and aggressive.

Ignoring/Not Recognizing the Positive (pages 24-25)
You know how you just start to notice things once you focus on them? When I was in college, I started a daily gratitude journal. Each night, I wrote down three things I was grateful for. Every day. The first few days were easy. Then I ran out of my family members and general things people are "grateful" for. It got a little harder. Then it got hard to choose only three! As I focused on my blessings, I noticed my blessings.

When you focus on your child's negative behavior, you start to only see the negative. All children respond best to positive words. If you are constantly reprimanding and punishing and talking about the negative behaviors without thanking, hugging, and encouraging for the positive behaviors, your child will have no motivation to continue positive behaviors.

Inconsistent Discipline
Consistency is really key. For more on this, see Toddlerwise: Discipline Points and Discipline Foundations.

Poor Modeling
This can be poor modeling from parents, peers, and siblings. You have a lot of control over parents and siblings. If you yell when you get mad, don't be surprised to find your child yelling when he is mad. You have less control over peers, but you do have control over which peers they spend time with. If you notice your child's behavior decreases significantly after spending time with a certain friend, then you should limit or prohibit time spent with that friend.

Lack of Rest
A beauty of following Babywise (the -wise series) throughout the years is that this category should not apply to your child!

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Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Baby Led Weaning

Something I enjoy about online communities is that you can learn so much! I recently heard about Baby Led Weaning (BLW) in the Yahoo! Chronicles Babywise Group. I asked group members who used this method to share their experiences with it for the blog so that all of you can know about it! I want to point out that some of the foods these moms talk about are listed in Super Baby Food and other resources as unsafe in the first year, and some on up to 18 months. Be sure to do your own research, talk to your own doctor, and go with your own gut on which foods to feed your baby.

There are a variety of experiences here. So here it is:

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Our Experience with Baby Led Weaning

The basic principle of Baby Led Weaning (BLW) is simply starting your baby straight on to finger/table foods rather than purees. The idea is that by starting when your baby is 6 months old (and showing other signs of readiness) they are developmentally able to sit up, and pick up, hold, chew and swallow 'real' food. It is easiest to start off with foods that are chip/wedge shaped in the beginning - eg slices of avocado, pumpkin, banana, broccoli stalks, kiwi etc. This is because at 6 months babies generally cannot open their hands to eat the food inside so a long thin shape let's them eat the tops off!

I first read an article about BLW when I was pregnant and mentally filed it away as an interesting idea! As the time came closer to start solids, I decided to at least give it a try - I liked the philosophy behind it and the logic made perfect sense! One of the key elements of BLW is that it is a low pressure/stress approach. On the day my LO, Lily, turned 6 months (yes, I was pretty excited), we decided to let her try but knew that it was common for babies to simply play with and explore the food for the first few goes. With BLW, there is no forcing to eat, no 'airplanes', no stress or fuss! You simply give your baby healthy food options and let them decide how much to eat. Especially as milk is still the main source of nutrition between 6-12 months, as the BLW saying goes, 'food is just for fun before one' - so you don’t need to feel anxiety that your child should eat a certain amount - give them the opportunity and if they are hungry, they will eat! So we presented Lily with a slice of avocado and stalk of lightly steamed broccoli and casually watched to see what she would do - to our surprise she immediately picked them up and started chomping away! She ate all the avocado and gave the broccoli a good chew, and seemed to thoroughly enjoy it! The next day she had capsicum (red pepper), watermelon and roast potato and pretty quickly progressed to eating everything and anything. Meal times were always a pleasure as she ate with us from the beginning (allowing the baby to be part of family meal times is a big part of BLW) and it was so nice to be able to sit as a family and enjoy our meals together, and Lily loved to taste and try everything! It was always fun to see the amazement of family and friends as they saw our tiny girl chowing down on all kinds of exotic foods, people couldn’t believe what a good eater she was/is.

I have to say BLW was for us pure pleasure. No spending hours mashing, blending and pureeing. No special meals and no stressing and worrying about how much she ate, and no coaxing her to just 'finish the jar'. Just fun exploring and enjoying good healthy food as a family! As they grow they quickly progress to being able to eat all kinds of foods, as their dexterity improves (and BLW is great practice!) so that soon she was able to pick up peas and corn, and other foods both big (ribs!) and small (puffed rice). BLW can be a little messy but with a good set up (splash mat, smock and scoop bib) it is easily dealt with, and I found that the pleasure of seeing my LO enjoy her food made any extra mess far worthwhile!

BLW can also work wonderfully with BW. We followed BW from birth with great results, and love the sensible routine as well as the strong principles behind it. Although many BLW followers are from the 'attachment parenting' side of things, BLW still works great with routine! And like everything, you are still the parent, you still decide! We chose to introduce meals slowly rather than straight into 3 meals a day, but we still had the meals structured into our routine and definitely still followed BW in expectations like no throwing food, smearing it around, lifting the plate up etc. Good table manners are a process but still expected. Like any philosophy, different people may feel more or less comfortable with different aspects so you can choose what you feel comfortable with - e.g. some parents quickly introduce all types of foods to their LO (as current research says that by waiting till 6m to start solids, chances of allergy are reduced unless there is a strong family history, so no need to delay foods), while other parents feel more comfortable staggering the introduction of new foods. You are the parent, you decide.

You can find out more about Baby Led Weaning by googling the term for plenty of info and blogs. You can read the book Baby Led Weaning by Gil Rapley (who is credited with researching and formalising the concept) and even join a Yahoo group. We thoroughly enjoyed our experience with BLW and will definitely be doing it again for any more kids! If you are intrigued about BLW, I encourage you to just give it a go - you just might be surprised at what your baby is capable of!

Kate J

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I've read the...book..."Baby-Led Weaning" by Gill Rapley & Tracey Murkett. I had a little bit of a hard time getting the book. When I first checked Amazon about a month ago it was only listed under used for like $35....more than I wanted to pay! I found it on overstock.com, but after I ordered it, they had to refund my money b/c they didn't have it?? At that point, I looked on Amazon again and found it for around $15 including shipping.

The general idea I got from the book is to start your baby on the same food you are eating and it makes for a much happier baby and pleasant dining experience. They really don't start consuming much food until 8-9 mos. After I read the book and the whole theory behind the whole thing....it just makes so much sense to me!! I was like duh!! Why did I ever feed my 1st son purees?? They say starting them on table food makes them enjoy food more b/c they have it on their own terms and it actually is fun & tastes good! And they are much less picky eaters as they get older.

Here are some points from the book about secrets of successful BLW:
  1. Think of mealtimes as playtimes in the beginning. Your baby still gets all his nourishment from milk feeds
  2. Keep giving milk feeds as before so that solids don't replace milk feeds. Baby will gradually reduce milk feeds on his own.
  3. Don't expect baby to eat much @ first.
  4. Eat w/ your baby and include him in your meals so he has plenty of opportunities to copy you.
  5. Expect some mess!
  6. Keep it enjoyable for everyone - stay relaxed & encourage baby to explore food.

Six things to do:

  1. Make sure baby is supported in upright position for eating
  2. Start by offering foods that are easy to pick up. Thick sticks are easiest. As far as possible offer baby the same foods that you are eating. Don't forget that a young baby can't get at food in her fist so don't expect her to eat all of each piece - and be ready to offer more if she's eaten the bit that sticks out.
  3. Offer a variety of foods
  4. Continue w/ milk feeds as before and offer water @ meals
  5. Discuss BLW w/ your health care provider
  6. Explain BLW to any caregivers

6 things NOT to do:

  1. Don't offer foods that aren't good for him. (Fast foods or foods w/ added salt or sugar)
  2. Don't offer solids if baby wants milk feed
  3. Don't hurry baby or distract baby if he is handling food
  4. Don't put food in baby's mouth for him
  5. Don't try to persuade baby to eat more than he wants
  6. NEVER leave baby alone w/ food

As far as first foods, here is a little of what the book says:

Veggies that are hard when raw should be cut into "stick" shape & cooked w/o salt so that they are soft but not soggy. Boiling or steaming is good, but toasting sticks of veggies in the oven works good too. This gives them a slightly crisp coating and makes them easier to grip. Sticks of softer veggies (cucumber) can be offered raw.

Large fruits (melon and papaya) can be cut into sticks/wedges while smaller ones (grapes) should be cut in 1/2. Apples, pears, nectarines can be offered whole. Softer apples are better than firm as they are easier to gnaw and less likely to snap into large pieces. It is best to leave some skin on most fruit to make it easier to hold. Apples, pears, avocado, mango, potatoes work well w/ some skin on. Your baby will soon learn hold the skin and gnaw the rest w/ his gums. You can also do banana and leave some of the skin on w/ some of the fruit sticking out the top for baby to eat. Crinkle cutters work well to cut fruit/veggies to make them easier to hold.

It is best to offer meat in large pieces that are easily sucked or chewed. Chicken is the easiest to manage at first especially when it is given on the bone. (Remove any gristle or small bones first). Meat can be made more tender by stewing rather than roasting. There is no need to give large pieces every time and you'll soon find baby can handle minced meat just fine w/ his fingers.
Here are some other 1st foods listed:

  • Steamed for lightly boiled whole veggies (green beans, baby sweet corn, carrots, cauliflower, broccoli, sweet potato, pumpkin, parsnip)
  • Raw sticks of cucumber (cool sticks are good for teething)
  • Thick slices of avocado (not too ripe)
  • Chicken as a strip or on a bone - warm or cold
  • Thin strips of beef, lamb or pork - warm or cold
  • Fruit - pear, apple, banana, peach, nectarine, mango - whole or as sticks/wedges
  • Sticks of firm cheese like cheddar
  • Breadsticks
  • Rice cakes or toast "fingers" on their own or w/ a spread like yogurt or cottage cheese

So, there are some highlights from the book. Our first meal I gave some oven roasted butternut squash sticks. Kinda over cooked them, but he still gave it a go. Also gave him a whole strawberry. He just gummed it and sucked the juices. I've also given the cucumber sticks, bread sticks, and long green beans.

I'm planning on steaming some carrot sticks & broccoli in a little water in a microwave safe dish until they are a little tender ('m thinking it would take 3 min or so). I'm also gonna offer some apple/pear wedges & avocado w/ skin.

We've had some episodes of gagging, which the book says is normal. If they are gagging, that is good b/c they are learning how to move food from the front to the back of their mouth and back again. Gagging is not the same as choking. Choking is no air moving and requires immediate action. When Nate gagged, I just watched him and he got it out on his own. From what the book says and what I've learned on the BLW yahoo group this stage only lasts 1-2 weeks until they get the hang of it. It is a little alarming, but all part of the process. Not all babies do this, though. Some just start chowing down right away.

I was concerned about iron, but someone of the BLW yahoo group referred me to the kellymom.com website. It had a great article w/ lots of info and made me feel a lot better about skipping the cereal.

The BLW yahoo group is pretty helpful. It's not as active as the Chronicles group. But, the moms on there are totally opposite of Babywise. They all feed "on demand", many co-sleep, and hate CIO. I just ignore that part and stick w/ the food info.

Well, can't think of anything else. I'm really excited about it and can't wait for Nate to really start eating. I think it will be so fun to watch him chow down on a chicken leg when he is 10 mos old!

Blessings,
Leigh Anne

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When I first read about BLW on the Wholesomefood. com website, I was interested yet skeptical. I started my DD on cereal at 4.5 months of age due to upcoming travels that I wanted her to be familiar to eat solids if the need suddenly arose. I asked the group and found that several of the moms here were using this method with great success. My biggest fear was the risk of choking. As a first time mom, I was extremely paranoid about just giving my 6 month old daughter bits and chunks of food, etc. Since she was small, my ped recommended that I feed her purees since she would actually increase caloric intake that way as opposed to finger foods only.
Well, long story short and 5 months later, my DD eats no purees and only finger foods or easily mashed or gummed foods. I so wish I would have skipped baby food completely and just did this at six months of age. I thing that baby cereal is great and nutritious, but my DD never seemed like she enjoyed or had an appetite when I fed her either homemade or store bought baby food. Now that I am feeding her what my DH and I eat, she is a hearty eater that really enjoys lots of varieties of foods! I just put it on her tray, and she goes at it. I usually feed her yogurt or cereal with a spoon in the beginning of the meal when she is most hungry and willing, and then let her do finger foods until she is done eating! I am so free! No more stressing and counting ounces and comparing to other babies!!!

It is messier for sure. But so worth it to see my little daughter finally have an appetite! Today for lunch she ate yogurt with fruit, bits of salmon, tofu, broccoli, and corn.

I especially want to encourage those of you who are concerned that your baby does not like baby food or has a very small appetite to give this method, Baby Led Weaning at try. I was always obsessing that my DD would barely eat 1 jar of babyfood a day at eight months old!

I was unsure of BLW methods giving baby too much freedom and control. But remember, mom is still in control deciding what and when baby eats. But baby has freedom to feed herself and how much. You can still train in the areas of not throwing or spitting out food, screaming in high chair, and keeping hands out of hair. It is not as neat as feeding baby solids with a spoon with their hands placed on the tray!!! So just be ready with plenty of washcloths.

I didn't read any books or study up on this method. I feed my baby healthy and lightly seasoned foods and avoid the common no no foods for babies under 1 year. I really hope this encourages some of you!

Amy

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Alissa said:

We didn't do Baby-led weaning per say, but followed the thoughts from Ellyn Satter's book "Child of Mine." It's kind of the same concept, except I DID start with oatmeal for a month, then moved on to mushed up banana, sweet potato, squash, etc, then moved on to chunks of anything soft. I haven't used any jarred baby foods, and I "make" all my own food, if you can count microwaving frozen peas for three minutes "making food."

My son is 9.5 months old now and eats an impressive amount of food. And an impressive variety. I like the ease of it all, the fact that we can eat a lot of the same things.

I still follow Babywise principals - we still eat, play, sleep. We're at a point now where we're moving dinner time to an actual family meal time (lunch and breakfast already are this way). It takes control away from Mom at mealtimes, which perhaps varies slightly from Babywise philosophy, but I don't mind it.

Also - it makes a HUGE mess, so have a good piece of plastic under your high chair, and a faithful dog helps a lot, as well! :-)

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