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Showing posts with label SAHM. Show all posts

Working in Your Appointments (Dr., Dentist, hair, etc.)

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Perhaps one of the hardest things about being a mom is figuring out when to work in your appointments. As moms, we have appointments to go to the doctor, dentist, salon, insurance agent...there is suddenly a myriad of places we used to go that seemed like no biggie that seem pretty much impossible to enter. How do you work these things in as a mom?

1-Delay and/or Don't Go
This isn't going to seem like a great answer, but one idea to consider is to just delay the appointment and/or just stop doing that appointment. Keep in mind that the time you are "stuck" home is really quite short in the grand scheme of things. I know it seems like forever, but I promise it goes by really quickly. The minutes crawl, but the years fly. It won't be too long before either your youngest is old enough to come along or your oldest is old enough to watch siblings.

You might have to get your nails done less frequently--or maybe even stop for a year or two. You might be a month or two late for the dentist. This isn't all ideal, but sometimes it is life with young children, especially a newborn. I know that with each of my kids, my dentist trips during the baby's first year are more than 6 months apart. It isn't what I consciously plan, but it happens. The day will come when you can leave your child home more easily so you can go to your appointments. 

2-Get a Babysitter
The obvious here is to get a babysitter so you can go to your appointment. If you want or need to go and you can't or don't want to take your child(ren) along with you, then you need a babysitter. This could be a young babysitter you pay. It isn't really ideal because a) who wants to us babysitting budget money for a dentist trip? and b) it makes the whole thing even more expensive! 

It could also be a family member (see my post with tips for using family as babysitters). I primarily use my parents for watching my kids when I have an appointment to go to. If you don't have family nearby, you might have an older neighbor or friend from church who would watch your children for you.

Another great idea is to trade with a nearby neighbor or friend who has small children, too. You watch her kids while she goes to the dentist and she watches yours while you go. 

You could also get a neighbor to watch and schedule during naptime. I know my kids are easiest during their naps, so for someone to either have my child sleep at their house or sit at my house while my child sleeps, it is easy. I know a lot of people who live in apartment buildings or close homes will leave a monitor with the neighbor and a key to get in if the baby needs something. 

3-Use Your Spouse
For dentist trips, typically my husband stays home and I go in early for an exam and then I drive home and he goes in for his exam and then heads to work. He can then work through lunch to make up for the late arrival if needed. We make sure to tell the receptionist when we are making the appointments what we will be doing so they know that if they are running behind, it will make the spouse late.

You could use the same idea and have your spouse either watch the kids in the waiting room or take them to a nearby park or run some errands nearby while you do your appointment. Perhaps your spouse works somewhere that allows children to visit and your spouse could even have the kids at work while you did what you needed to. 

When my husband worked too far away to do a swap and still work, he just took a day off. He needed to see the dentist, so he had to use PTO to do it. Then I did my visit the same day. If you plan in advance, you can make lots of appointments all on the same day and take time off. It is just part of the deal in being a parent with young children. 

Some places might even be open on weekends and you can get things done while your spouse is home from work. 

4-Find a Kid-Friendly Location
Some places are set up to be able to have children around. If you have places like these, use them.

Another point I want to make here is to do take your kids when it is reasonable to do so. For my OB appointments when I am pregnant, when I had a regular visit, I took my kids. That way I wasn't over-using the resources I had for watching my children. My OB has a basket of toys in each exam room, so it is very kid friendly. 

Some places might even offer childcare on sight.

5-Schedule While Kids are Busy
As your children get older, they will likely start to get involved in things. I often make appointments while my children are in school so that when I am asking someone to watch the remaining children, it isn't so many.

6-Think Outside the Box
When it comes to a doctor or dentist, you kind of have to do things the conventional way or going to them and having your exam done. For other things, however, there are a lot of options. I have a good friend cut my hair instead of going to a salon. She even comes to my house to do it. She comes during naptime and I am able to get my hair cut without Brinley being an active participant. Since Brinley has been old enough to get her hair cut, we schedule it for just before nap. Then she gets her hair cut, I put her down, and then we do my cut. 

For a short time, I enjoyed getting my eyebrows waxed. I find that to be something I don't need to regularly spend my time or money on, so I have been using at-home waxing kits for years. So far, I haven't done any damage to the eye-brows :). 

Hopefully you will find something here that will help you have an easier time working in your appointments. Do you have other ideas that you utilize for getting your appointments in?

Realities of Being a SAHM


Being a stay at home mom (SAHM) has many sweet and wonderful moments.

But it also has many hard and difficult ones. I think a trick to surviving these difficulties is to acknowledge that they exist, figure out how to make them easier, and also to accept that they are a part of life. I don't mean for this to be a downer post. I mean for it to be a real one. We often talk about how blessed we are and how wonderful moments are. That is great! I think it is great to think positively. I have many posts on motherhood meant to inspire you. But when that is all we talk about, it then makes us doubt ourselves when we find ourselves in those hard moments. It helps to know that in reality, these things are hard! And they are hard for all of us. If you find it to be hard, then know you are normal. You aren't a failure. You aren't doing something wrong. You are normal.  Let's talk about some of these difficulties.

Cleaning Can Be Hard
Finding time to clean can be hard. Actually doing the cleaning can be hard. Watching your children undo your efforts from the last 60 minutes in about 60 seconds can be...hard. You are not alone! All parents struggle to figure out when to clean, how to clean, how often to clean, and how much to worry about the messes the children make. Here are some posts I have written about cleaning:
This was one of the hardest adjustments for me being a SAHM. Being an extrovert and going from spending my time surrounded by people in life to spending my time in my house all day every day with a baby (cute, but baby) who couldn't even smile at first was an emotional challenge to say the least. 

Things have gotten easier in this department over the years in a way as social interaction is more prevalent with things like texting, smart phones, and social media sites. Those things, if used, bring with them a whole new realm of difficulty as a mother, but they can sometimes be helpful in the department of getting some social interaction and not feeling so cut off from the world. You have to be careful that you don't allow social media to become a replacement of people who are physically present in your life, and social media has recently started to be identified as often leading some to depression and anxiety

There are some things you can do to help with this loneliness and isolated feeling. Let me tell you it is never worse than when your oldest is a baby. This is when the days seem to never end and you feel very alone. It does get better.

Take the time to call a family member or friend. Initiate conversation. Invite a friend over to your house for the day. Have girls night out with friends without kids. Go out with friends during the day with your kids. Have a standing day at the park with your friends. Get involved in church and/or community activities--these are great places to meet people. 

See also 

Boredom Can Be Hard
Hey, our kids are awesome. But their interest level as young children is a bit different than ours. There is also a great deal of monotony to each day. I have heard it said, "The hours will crawl but the years will fly." 

Figuring out your new social life will help this boredom. You can also look into Developing Talents. Find some things that you can do at home that will be of interest to you. Take some time to do things you like every so often. 

But also work to change your perspective to accept your season and that it is a hard time that won't last long. You want to stay connected with yourself, but you also want to Avoiding Selfishness. At my point in life, I don't ever feel bored--there is too much going on with the kids to feel bored consistently from day to day. 

Mealtime Prep Can Be Hard
Mealtime prep can be hard--especially dinner! That is when the children seem to lose their minds. See Managing Dinner Prep Time for my tips on this time period. 

Bedtime Can Be Hard
Bedtime is often a challenging time of day. We are all tired and parents and children have opposite goals. See Strategies for Making Bedtime Smoother.

Time Management Can Be Hard
How do you balance time among house management, time with kids, friends, family, husband, and yourself? I recently wrote about this: Balancing Household Responsibilities with Family Time

Feeling Jealous of Husband Can Be Hard
This is a really hard one! My husband gets to have a change of scenery each day. He gets to talk to other adults each day. He gets to have things like "Doughnut Thursday" every week. Husbands have an easier time leaving the house to do things--we moms feel like we need to make sure he will take care of the kids while we are gone. When there are scheduling conflicts and both have something going on, it is usually the mom who stays home unless other arrangements can be made. 

I feel jealous of my husband doing things like traveling for work. I know it is work and isn't necessarily fun, but it is a change of scenery and it is time of no taking care of kids, cleaning, or cooking. It is sleeping without having to keep yourself partially awake so you can attend to a child in the night if needed. It is leaving your bed unmade and coming back to it nicely done up. 

I really like the quote "Jealousy is when you count someone else's blessings instead of your own." A trick is to be happy for the other person--to love them so well that you feel happy for their blessings and successes. 

And it is all about perspective. There are things my husband can be jealous of. There are days I get to go spend several hours sitting at the park in the beautiful sun while my kids play and I talk with my friends. I rarely miss a cute thing my kids say or do and I am there for essentially every "first." 

Getting past the jealousy takes being happy for your spouse and finding the good in whatever your situation is now. Be happy in your moment. 

Conclusion
Yes, there are many things to love about being a SAHM. But we have plenty of difficulties to face each day. Hopefully these thoughts can help you do that.

What tricks do you have for battling these difficulties?