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How to Have Successful Independent Playtime for Twins {Guest Post}

How to get your twins to play independently each day. This is great for giving twins some time alone. 

Independent playtime is important for all children, but it is especially important for twins. Our twins share a bedroom and are literally together 24/7, aside from when they are in independent playtime. It was a challenge to separate them, and we endured many days of tears and them pounding on their doors, calling for each other. It was quite heartbreaking, but I persisted because I believe that independent playtime for twins is essential. They need a chance to explore, play, and grow in their individual personality without their twin to influence them.

How to get your twins to play independently each day. This is great for giving twins some time alone.

Why You Should Do Independent Playtime for Twins

As I mentioned above, independent playtime is important for all children,  but I think that it is especially important for twins. The bond they share is absolutely incredible and it's an amazing blessing to watch it grow and develop. However, let's face it... one day, they're going to be separated! Whether it's for elementary school, high school, or college, one day they will be apart. While it's natural that they will miss each other, I don't want my girls to be so dependent on each other that they fall apart if they aren't around each other.

I also think it's a great way to nurture their individuality. I've noticed that my twins like to mimic one another. Josie will be reading a book and Margo will see her, and decide she wants to read that book for herself. Margo will be playing Paw Patrol, and Josie will come along and need to play with the pups at that exact same moment. They influence each other, for better or for worse. I want them to have a chance to not be influenced by each other for a few minutes a day; I want them to learn what their own interests are and develop their own preferences for play.

Independent Playtime for Twins at the Same Time

Since it is very common for twins to share a bedroom, it can be tricky to find two separate places for them to have independent playtime at.

Separate Bedrooms

This is our current setup. One twin goes in their bedroom, and the other twin goes in their brother, Theo's room. Theo goes downstairs in our playroom, but if we didn't have a playroom I would put him in our guest bedroom. You could even child-proof your master bedroom and do independent playtime in there. A bin of toys could be kept in your closet, or brought in from another room.

Bedroom and Playroom or Living Room

This worked for us in the beginning. Our playroom is on a different floor than our bedrooms, and since they were crying and calling for each other, I tried separating them by floors. Not being able to hear each other cry was extremely beneficial. However, I ultimately wanted them both in the bedrooms because our playroom is off of the kitchen with no door, and I know it's hard for them to see me walking around and not be able to come to me.

Sound Machine

They no longer cry, but I still use a sound machine (with a different sound than they get for sleeping!). The bedrooms they are in are right next to each other, and I don't want them to hear the other one playing and become sad that they aren't together. 

Tip: If you are doing independent playtime for your twins at the same time, do whatever it takes to make it so they can't hear each other.

Independent Playtime for Twins at Separate Times

If your logistics don't work out and you simply don't have the space to do independent playtime at the same time, there are still ways you can do it.

T.V. Time
How to get your twins to play independently each day. This is great for giving twins some time alone.

If you are a work-at-home-parent, or simply have housework to get done, you can alternate T.V. time with independent playtime for your twins. While one twin is having independent playtime, the other can get their T.V. time, and then vice versa.

One on One Time With Parents

You can also use independent playtime as an opportunity to have one on one time with your twins. I try to do this once a week with each child because every parent of twins knows that it's hard to find one on one time with them!

Cleaning Up After Independent Playtime

I've noticed with my girls that when independent playtime is over they are so anxious to see each other that it's like pulling teeth to get them to clean up. I've switched things up a little, and now I let them reunite and then we clean up both rooms together. They are much happier to clean up once they have given each other hugs.

Keep Your Tone Light

When I put my twins into independent playtime, I keep my voice bright and cheery. I say things such as "you're going to have so much fun playing by yourself! Josie will be in the other room playing and having lot's of fun and you can see her when your time is up!" I also remind them of what will happen after independent playtime.

Reward Them

I suppose this isn't specific to twins, but I give them lots of praise when independent playtime is over. Our 'reward' is their television time for the day. My kids all love watching t.v., and it isn't something we do a ton; for us, it is the perfect reward for independent playtime. If it's a snowy day and we don't have plans, I'll sometimes let them watch a longer movie; if we have plans or I want them to play outside, it will be a quick ten minutes of some nursery rhymes (our favorite nursery rhyme show is Little Baby Bums). 

Other Helpful Twin Posts



Caitlin is wife to Ben, and mama to their son Theo (4) and identical twin girls Josie and Margo (2). They live in Rhode Island and she is passionate about healthy living, keeping it honest and real, and bringing encouragement and solidarity to all moms, but especially to twin moms. You can follow the chaos over at her blog, Twin mom and More.
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How To Get Your Child to Happily Play Alone

What if I told you that you could get some time each day to do whatever it is you would like to do while your child was awake? You could clean, make phone calls, cook, or even read a book, all while your child played happily in his/her room! This is fully feasible. I have had all four of my children do this from very young ages.

How To Get Your Child to Happily Play Alone | Independent playtime | #independentplaytime

I have always loved that I implemented this concept into our days, but never more than when my children got old enough they were no longer napping. This still gives me a time of day when I have a chance to myself. A time when I can complete a sentence in my own head without being interrupted by an inquiry from a child. Even in summer break, I can get an hour each day.

The Goal
The goal is to have your child play alone in a room where he/she can't see you for a set amount of time each day. The length of time will vary depending on your child's age and how well he/she can play independently. It might be as short as 5 minute initially. You will work up to 60-90 minutes over time. 

The Why
Having your child play alone each day has more benefits than giving you time to yourself each day. There are great skills your child will develop as he/she plays independently each day. Some of these include:
  • Mental Focusing Skills
  • Sustained Attention Span
  • Creativity
  • Self-Play Adeptness
  • Orderliness
  • Self-Entertaining Skills
  • Contentment
I also find great benefit in the mood of my children. Even my extroverted children in the end enjoy some time to themselves each day to play how they want to and with the toys they want to. Playing independently for a bit is rejuvenating to them and they are happier and more pleasant for the remainder of the day. 

The Where
You want your child to be in a place where you child is alone. It is unreasonable to expect your child to play alone where he/she can see you. Your child will focus and gain the benefits listed above if he/she is truly alone. There are types of structured play when your child will play independently with you around. Those have other benefits and are worthwhile. The goal for this independent playtime is alone. 

With a newborn (yes, I start working at this concept at newborn!), I have my little one lay at the activity gym and "play" for five minutes without me talking to the baby and interacting with her. I always sit right close to the baby since she is a newborn. That way I can keep an eye on the baby. Newborns can't see far, so your baby won't be able to see you. As the baby gets older, I extend it to ten or even 15 minutes and sit as far away as I need to in order to remain unspotted. The length of time will depend on the baby's abilities. 

Once the baby can sit up independently, I move the baby into a pack and play and into a room without me present. At some point, at least age one but sometimes not until two or older, I move the child to play in a room alone. I ensure the room is fully safe for the child first. You can read more about this in these posts:
The How
For the best success at this independent playtime day after day, you will want to have it at a consistent time of day. When we are first starting independent playtime, I choose to do it more in the morning hours when my children are happier and more alert. I like to avoid a time close to nap so I lessen the risk of them falling asleep in independent playtime. Once my children drop to one nap a day, I continue that in the morning hours because the afternoon is filled with a nap. 

When my children are at no naps and/or in school, I typically do the afternoon right after lunch. It is a nice break for them to get some time alone. In the summer, it ensures they are inside at the heat of the day. 

When it is time for independent play, be cheerful and happy about it even if your child is not initially. 
How To Get Your Child to Happily Play Alone | Independent playtime | #independentplaytime

Go to the space or room for independent playtime. Get some toys out for your child to play with. If this is in a pack and play (or you can use a crib even!), those will be the only toys your child plays with. If it is in the room, your child might pull out more toys. I don't mind my children getting more toys out; I just don't want my child pulling everything out for the sake of pulling everything out. 

A timer is a fantastic tool for establishing Independent Playtime. Set the timer for your child when first starting out and end independent play when the timer goes off. 

You can play some music or some audio books in the room while they play. We initially tried a CD player in our early days of parenting, but children easily scratch CDs (ha!). We moved to an iPod. We now use Sonos speakers in our home (affiliate link).

Once the playtime is over, go to your child and once again, be cheerful no matter how your child is acting. have your child help in the best way he/she can to clean up. In the younger months, it might just be baby watches you clean up. You might hand a toy or two to your baby to put away. As he/she gets older, have your child help out. This is a great precedent for your child to learn to clean up after self. 

If you are starting independent play with an older child, see this post for help on doing that. 

Conclusion
Your child can develop the skills and ability to play independently. It will be a great benefit to your child and to you. This is one of my favorite parenting helps from the On Becoming -Wise series of books. You will love the benefits that come all around from this tool!

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Great Toys to Encourage Independent Playtime

Independent playtime has such value to your child. Your child will learn to focus, build a longer attention span, gain creativity, become adept at self-play, and be more orderly. It is so very worth the effort it can take to get started with independent play. You might be wondering which toys are best for your child to play independently. Are some better than others? Here is a list of my favorite toys for independent play to get the most out of the time spent. This post contains affiliate links.
Great Toys for Independent Playtime to help your child play happily | independent play | toy list | #toylist

Toys that Require Imagination 
I want my children to gain that benefit of gaining creativity, so I like toys that require some imagination. These can be building toys, like LEGOs. They can also be figurines, stuffed animals, or baby dolls. For figurines, I ideally prefer toys that are not based on a movie or television show. My children have some of those, but what I want is imagination happening. If the toys are based on something the child is familiar with, the characters and personalities are already created. Here are some good options. Click on the image to learn more about each toy:

  
 


Toys that Mimic Real Life
Another great category of toys to go for with independent playtime are toys that help the child mimic real life. This is a huge benefit of playing in general, and will really help your child gain orderly skills (as will requiring your child help clean up at the end). Dress up clothes. Toy kitchen and accessories. Doctor set. Vet set. Note on the dress up. If you hit the Halloween stores and sections at stores the day after Halloween, you can find some good deals on some dress up clothes.

  

Toys that are Hard
Some toys are difficult for the child to play with. What happens when the child plays with that toy with you around? He/she asks you to do it or to help. When the child is in independent play, he/she has to do it herself. This helps with attention span and being able to play alone. Do not overwhelm your child with difficult toys. Do not leave your child alone with toys that are too hard and not developmentally appropriate. You don't wan to to completely frustrate your child. Puzzles, magnet dolls, geomags, train sets, and nesting cups are all good examples of hard toys.




Musical Toys
I also love some musical toys going on. I am very musical and love to foster that in my children. I think it helps them with their creativity and attention span.



Books
Books are a fantastic item to have with your child during independnet play. I have a lot of posts on best books by age. Here are some. One I always loved for independent play with my little ones are the VTech books. They read to the child. I also like soft books.



Toys for Baby
When baby is doing independent play, you want toys that won't frustrate but will be entertaining. Some toys have been mentioned, such as books, nesting cups, and the music table. Be sure toy you leave with baby are safe for baby to have unsupervised. With babies who can't sit up independently, an activity gym is perfect. For babies who can sit up, they love to either empty items or fill them back up (depending on the age). A bucket of some sort full of toys that can be emptied then refilled will b be a big hit. Here are more ideas:



Conclusion
My children play independently, without me, daily. For help on getting this started with your children, see Roomtime--Your Invitation and Starting Independent Playtime Late. 

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Independent Playtime {Poll Reslts Post}

Independent playtime is a super sanity-saver. The benefits of Independent Playtime are numerous, including helping your child learn to focus, be a problem solver, be independent, and to be happy with him/herself. There is also the major perk of giving you a section of time each day that you can have to yourself to spend as you wish. That may sound selfish, but a mom has to take care of herself--no one works 12-14 hour days year round, day after day, and survives. You have to have moments, and Independent Playtime can be a daily moment that benefits everyone.



I recently polled readers on Independent Playtime. Here are the results.

1-What age did you start Independent Playtime? 
2-3 Months: 2
As soon as sitting up: 4
6 Months: 2
9-10 Months: 2
12-20 Months: 6

2-Where do you have your child do Independent Playtime?
In crib: 11
Pack and Play: 7
Room: 5

3-What length of time does your child do Independent Playtime typically? What is your child's age?
At First: 
  • 5-10 Minutes: 3
  • 15 Minutes: 3
  • 20 Minutes: 1
  • 30 Minutes: 1
  • 45 Minutes: 3
  • 60 Minutes: 5
Once established:
  • 1 Hour: 5
  • 1.5 Hour: 4
4-How was your journey starting Independent Playtime? For example, was it smooth, did it take some time for your child to get used to it, etc. 

Carrie said: It depended on the kid/personality. For my second, he does NOT like to be alone. Even now that he's 6, he has a hard time with IP sometimes because he doesn't like to be by himself. BUT, it's so good for him to have a set time to practice this because it prepares him for future times when he will need to be alone and make decisions by himself. 

Naomi said: Rough! In the beginning she went through several phases of crying either at the beginning of IP or if she threw all her toys out of the PNP. When her brother was born she had a rough time with many things but especially IP and was always whining for me to play with her. When she moved to her room she started getting into mischeif (chewing on the window sills, picking apart the screen, playing with diaper cream) so we REALLY had to babyproof. As she got older she wouldn't cry or whine so much but would keep calling to me and asking me for things. I have worked very hard to establish roomtime, especially once she stopped napping. Even now she still comes down or calls to me sometimes but things are much better than they were. Things that have helped her immensely are the visual timer so she can see how long is left (you can actually set it for up to 2 hrs but the red doesn't start going away until after 1 hr) and readalong books from the library, puzzles, sticker books etc.

Naomi said: How was your journey starting Independent Playtime? For example, was it smooth, did it take some time for your child to get used to it, etc. 
Like a dream! Totally different from my daughter! He never destroys anything or calls to me or cries. He loves it. I don't even rotate his toys. 

Carrie said: The journey was pretty good, but right at the beginning it was tough learning to let them fuss a bit so they could experience frustration and work through it. To clarify, I always went in and helped if something was actually wrong, but 9/10 they were totally fine because they were safe in their cribs.

Emily said: none of them liked it at first and would sometimes cry the whole time, but I used a timer and they quickly learned they had to stay there until it rang. Now they LOVE their alone time and don't complain at all.

Christina said: Honestly, I started when they were very young -- just let them sit in their cribs and hold a safe toy or stare at their mobiles -- for very brief intervals. As they grew older (6-9 months), they developed a greater fascination with toys and would easily entertain themselves without me there. One thing I also did with my kids early on (as in 2-3 months old) was to seat them on a play gym right next to me at first, then gradually move them further across the room so I could still observe them without them necessarily seeing me the entire time. My daughter seemed to really enjoy this period of time in her day at that age -- and so did I! It seems that IP time takes readjusting as kids get older as your space where it happens and the toys that kids use change. But the idea of spending periods of time alone without relying on a parent to entertain you is crucial and can be established early on.

Kimberly said: It takes some time, but I find making the gradual switch from nap to play makes it much easier. They are used to spending that time in their bed already, so the big chance is just that they are awake. They are comfortable, content, and safe in that environment. 

Emma said:   With my first two kids I tried doing independent play in a playpen at an early age but I found it just too difficult to enforce and with guaranteed naps, I decided it wasn't important to me. But I did enforce it around the time that they stopped sleeping in the morning - between a year or 20mths? Found that all 3 of mine transitioned to playing without too much hassle. Each went through a short season of objection but fairly quickly accepted that this was the new way of doing things. 

Leah said: It was pretty rough. There were some times where she just sobbed for 15 minutes before I gave up and rescued her. Then there were times where she cried for 5-10 minutes before settling down to play quite happily for another 45 minutes. Even now when we've been doing it consistently for six months, she still has times when she cries for a while before being content to play.

5-Any words of advice or encouragement?

Carrie said: Do it!! (ha!). I cannot imagine my schedule without IP in it. It's a sanity saver for sure, for everyone involved!

Naomi said: Any words of advice or encouragement? Keep on keeping on! IP is seriously my favorite thing about BW. I need a break to exercise, get things done or just relax! Find what works for your child, some kids take to it much more easily than others but it is especially worth the effort in those for whom it doesn't come easily.

Naomi said:  Any words of advice or encouragement? Some kids take to it very well and some take a lot more work (see my comment about my daughter)! Either way I think it's important.

Carrie said:  start small and set a timer so you know that you're making progress and not to run in too quickly. It's INDEPENDENT playtime after all. I can remember starting at 2 min and never feeling like were going to make it to 5, then 10 minutes happened, then 30, then one day I lost track of time and no longer used my timer and realized it had been 45 min. That became our new norm for a long time. Give them a few learning toys and a couple books to keep them occupied. I learned that if they had lots of stuff to play with, they didn't really play well and got frustrated easily. The awesome thing about doing IP everyday is now I can trust them to play independently around the house when I'm cooking or cleaning and have faith that they won't be right under my feet the whole time.

Emily said: it's SO worth it! I agree that it is my favorite thing about Babywise. The benefits are tremendous.

Kimberly said: No matter how long your child has been doing IP there will be times when he or she just doesn't want to. Don't think you have to give it up forever. Keep it up. And if life happens and you have to miss it for awhile, that's okay! You can always bring it back in. It is a like skill to be able to think and entertain yourself. You are giving your child a good thing when you do this.

Emma said:  Just that Independent Play is a great thing and I and they would struggle without it. It boost their confidence playing alone and encourages independence, dealing with boredom, creativity and problem-solving. It also makes way for older children having room time, which my 6yo and 4yo still do. Sometimes I feel it's cruel leaving them alone, but I really think it helps them be at peace with themselves.

Leah said: Be patient. It took a couple weeks for her to stop sobbing for 10+ minutes at the beginning. I've never let her cry longer than 15 minutes, because I know that if she's going to cry that long, it's just not going to happen. (Your kid may be different.) But I do let her cry for that long because I know she's safe. She's not going to hurt herself in her playpen - and she has toys and books to play with, plus her burp cloth (her chosen comfort object), so she's really okay. 
Also, I love independent playtime! It gives me a chance to shower, read a book, make phone calls, bake, or get some deep cleaning done. It's good for my sanity, so it's good for her sanity, too. :)

Helpful Independent Playtime Posts:


How to child-proof independent playtime

Room Time Setup

Independent Playtime Overview




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Independent Playtime {Poll Discussion Post}

I have said it before and I will say it forever, one of the best things about the Babywise system is Independent Playtime. The benefits of Independent Playtime are numerous, including helping your child learn to focus, be a problem solver, be independent, and to be happy with him/herself. There is also the major perk of giving you a section of time each day that you can have to yourself to spend as you wish. That may sound selfish, but a mom has to take care of herself--no one works 12-14 hour days year round, day after day, and survives. You have to have moments, and Independent Playtime can be a daily moment that benefits everyone.

Independent Playtime {Poll Discussion Post}
Please take a moment to answer the questions below. Doing so will help other parents now and in the future. It is very helpful for me when compiling answers if you at least number the answers you give. You can also copy the questions and answer them. If the question does not apply to you, simply put "N/A."

1-What age did you start Independent Playtime? 
2-Where do you have your child do Independent Playtime?
3-What length of time does your child do Independent Playtime typically? What is your child's age?
4-How was your journey starting Independent Playtime? For example, was it smooth, did it take some time for your child to get used to it, etc. 
5-Any words of advice or encouragement?


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How To Child-Proof Your Space for Independent Playtime


You may like the idea of your child playing alone for a period of time each day. Oh the possibilities! You recognize the benefits and you have read all about how to go about it. There may be this lingering fear, however, about actually moving forward with it.

Will my child be safe?

We all want our children to be safe. No one wants their child to get hurt. With that in mind, here are some tips for you to be sure the room your child plays in for independent playtime is safe.

Observe Play
Before I ever let my oldest do playtime alone in his room, I observed him playing. This was in large part to him not being ready to do independent playtime independently since we started late. At first I played with him. Then I removed myself from playing but stayed in the room. Then I would leave for short times. It eventually led to him play alone. During the time I observed without playing, I really analyzed the room for any potential dangers. I made sure to fix any problems I saw so that when I left, I was full comfortable with him playing alone.

Keep lotions, medicines, wet wipes, etc. out of your child's reach. Be wise and realistic. Even very obedient children will want to explore, and you never know what they will do once they discover a bottle of lotion.

With my third child, I noticed she loved to remove the rubber part off the door stopper. This is very small and would be a choking hazard. Before she started roomtime, I removed the door stopper from the wall. Yes, the wall got a dent in it, but no, McKenna never choked. That's a win.

Bolt To The Wall
You want to make sure that anything your child could potentially pull over on herself is bolted to the
wall.

Outlet Covers
Put an outlet cover in all the outlets so your child can't experiment with electricity unsupervised.

Use a Monitor
An audio and/or video monitor is super helpful for you to hear and see what is going on in the room during independent play.

Use Playpen
Do not do roomtime until your child is able to do so responsibly. The playpen is a great place for independent play until that time.

Conclusion
You can take some simple steps to ensure your child's room is safe for play. What steps have you taken to make sure your little one is safe during independent playtime? I would love to hear your additional ideas! You can see how Brinley's room was set up when she was a toddler in this post.

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Today the ladies of the BFBN are talking Independent Play. 
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