How to Have Successful Independent Playtime for Twins {Guest Post}

How to get your twins to play independently each day. This is great for giving twins some time alone. 

Independent playtime is important for all children, but it is especially important for twins. Our twins share a bedroom and are literally together 24/7, aside from when they are in independent playtime. It was a challenge to separate them, and we endured many days of tears and them pounding on their doors, calling for each other. It was quite heartbreaking, but I persisted because I believe that independent playtime for twins is essential. They need a chance to explore, play, and grow in their individual personality without their twin to influence them.

Why You Should Do Independent Playtime for Twins

As I mentioned above, independent playtime is important for all children,  but I think that it is especially important for twins. The bond they share is absolutely incredible and it's an amazing blessing to watch it grow and develop. However, let's face it... one day, they're going to be separated! Whether it's for elementary school, high school, or college, one day they will be apart. While it's natural that they will miss each other, I don't want my girls to be so dependent on each other that they fall apart if they aren't around each other.

I also think it's a great way to nurture their individuality. I've noticed that my twins like to mimic one another. Josie will be reading a book and Margo will see her, and decide she wants to read that book for herself. Margo will be playing Paw Patrol, and Josie will come along and need to play with the pups at that exact same moment. They influence each other, for better or for worse. I want them to have a chance to not be influenced by each other for a few minutes a day; I want them to learn what their own interests are and develop their own preferences for play.

Independent Playtime for Twins at the Same Time

Since it is very common for twins to share a bedroom, it can be tricky to find two separate places for them to have independent playtime at.

Separate Bedrooms

This is our current setup. One twin goes in their bedroom, and the other twin goes in their brother, Theo's room. Theo goes downstairs in our playroom, but if we didn't have a playroom I would put him in our guest bedroom. You could even child-proof your master bedroom and do independent playtime in there. A bin of toys could be kept in your closet, or brought in from another room.

Bedroom and Playroom or Living Room

This worked for us in the beginning. Our playroom is on a different floor than our bedrooms, and since they were crying and calling for each other, I tried separating them by floors. Not being able to hear each other cry was extremely beneficial. However, I ultimately wanted them both in the bedrooms because our playroom is off of the kitchen with no door, and I know it's hard for them to see me walking around and not be able to come to me.

Sound Machine

They no longer cry, but I still use a sound machine (with a different sound than they get for sleeping!). The bedrooms they are in are right next to each other, and I don't want them to hear the other one playing and become sad that they aren't together. 

Tip: If you are doing independent playtime for your twins at the same time, do whatever it takes to make it so they can't hear each other.

Independent Playtime for Twins at Separate Times

If your logistics don't work out and you simply don't have the space to do independent playtime at the same time, there are still ways you can do it.

T.V. Time

If you are a work-at-home-parent, or simply have housework to get done, you can alternate T.V. time with independent playtime for your twins. While one twin is having independent playtime, the other can get their T.V. time, and then vice versa.

One on One Time With Parents

You can also use independent playtime as an opportunity to have one on one time with your twins. I try to do this once a week with each child because every parent of twins knows that it's hard to find one on one time with them!

Cleaning Up After Independent Playtime

I've noticed with my girls that when independent playtime is over they are so anxious to see each other that it's like pulling teeth to get them to clean up. I've switched things up a little, and now I let them reunite and then we clean up both rooms together. They are much happier to clean up once they have given each other hugs.

Keep Your Tone Light

When I put my twins into independent playtime, I keep my voice bright and cheery. I say things such as "you're going to have so much fun playing by yourself! Josie will be in the other room playing and having lot's of fun and you can see her when your time is up!" I also remind them of what will happen after independent playtime.

Reward Them

I suppose this isn't specific to twins, but I give them lots of praise when independent playtime is over. Our 'reward' is their television time for the day. My kids all love watching t.v., and it isn't something we do a ton; for us, it is the perfect reward for independent playtime. If it's a snowy day and we don't have plans, I'll sometimes let them watch a longer movie; if we have plans or I want them to play outside, it will be a quick ten minutes of some nursery rhymes (our favorite nursery rhyme show is Little Baby Bums). 

Other Helpful Twin Posts

How We Started Independent Playtime

Tips to Keep Your Newborn Twins on the Same Schedule

The 5 Best Things About Doing Babywise with Twins (and the 3 hardest!)

Tips and Advice for Feeding Twins

How to Get Your Twins to Sleep Through the Night

• Babywise and Twins
• Five Tips for Getting Twins on a Schedule 

Caitlin is wife to Ben, and mama to their son Theo (4) and identical twin girls Josie and Margo (2). They live in Rhode Island and she is passionate about healthy living, keeping it honest and real, and bringing encouragement and solidarity to all moms, but especially to twin moms. You can follow the chaos over at her blog, Twin mom and More.

The 5 Best Things About Doing Babywise with Twins (and the 3 hardest!) {Guest Post}

by Caitlin Rogers

"I don't know how you do it" is a comment I get quite often, from strangers in the checkout line to my closest friends. My son had just turned two when my twins were born, and many days I wonder the same thing; "how am I going to do this today?" While we have our chaotic, exhausting, messy moments, life isn't as stressful as it could be because of Babywise. Doing Babywise with twins is what keeps me sane and puts a little bit of order in our otherwise orderless life. As I was writing this post, I thought it only fair to not only include the 5 best things about doing Babywise with twins, but also the hardest things, because it is not all rainbows and sunshine! This post contains affiliate links.

The Best Things about Doing Babywise With Twins

1. Schedule

I repeat. Schedule, schedule, schedule!!! When you have your babies on a schedule, you know when they are going to be hungry and when they are going to be tired. Knowing when my twins were going to be napping allowed me to spend time with my son and plan activities during their nap. We would leave right at nap time, and when we arrived at our destination I would simply put their car seats in the Double Snap-N-Go and be home in time for them to eat. I absolutely could not feed them in public when they were infants. It took an immense amount of concentration to feed them due to their reflux and prematurity, and with a 2-year-old running around, it just was a bad idea. (You can read about how I got my twins on the same schedule here and about our breast/bottle feeding journey here.)

2. Self-Soothing

Unless you are Spiderman, it is not possible to rock two babies to sleep and then put them in their cribs at the same time. A Babywise baby learns to self-soothe and will happily drift off to sleep on their own.

3. Easier for Babysitters

Because of numbers 1 and 2, Babywise babies are a dream for babysitters. You can tell them when the baby will be hungry, tired, etc. A quick nighttime routine and they are down for the night without hours and hours of rocking! I probably wouldn't have anyone to watch my 3 littles if we didn't do Babywise with them.

4. Less Likely to Wake Each Other

You are probably wondering how on earth doing Babywise with twins means that they are less likely to wake each other. Since they are on the same schedule, they go to sleep at the same time and wake up at the same time. If they were staggered, one baby would wake up at a different time, therefore waking the other baby. That just sounds like a nightmare to me!

5. Independent Play

I'm gonna be honest, this is one thing with Babywise that I didn't start with my twins that I really regret. We are in the midst of moving and once we are all settled I'm going to start. Here's why: by the end of the day, the girls are really cranky and sick of each other. They fight, pick at each other, and steal each other's toys. Independent play is good for so many reasons, but it is especially beneficial for twins who need a break from each other.

The Hardest Things About Doing Babywise with Twins

For me, personally, the hardest things about Babywise don't even exist. Things that Babywise flows so well with my personality and our family dynamic, but being open minded, I can see how it could clash with a different family.

1. Doing Babywise with Twins is 3 Times the Work

I tell people frequently that having twins isn't twice as hard as one baby, but three times as hard. Babywise is hard work in the beginning. Babywise with twins is no exception! I occasionally heard grumblings from my husband begging me to switch to a 4-hour schedule before they were sleeping through the night or to let them continue napping instead of waking them to feed them. The best advice I can give you for this is to remember the big picture. The big picture is happy, well-rested babies that sleep through the night! Our twins were 14 weeks (only 6 weeks adjusted!!) when they started sleeping through the night. Was it hard work to stick with Babywise? Yes. Was it worth it? Absolutely.

2. Schedule

I know I put this as one of the best reasons, but it also can make things tricky to get out of the house and stay on schedule! Once the babies are a little older and don't nap on the go very well, but still nap frequently throughout the day, it's hard to get out and about. I just remind myself that it's just a season and seasons don't last forever. Your outings may be more infrequent than you'd like but it is worth it for the gift of sleep to you and your babies.

3. Getting off schedule = Two Screaming Babies

As much as you try to avoid it, sometimes your kids are going to get off schedule. In my experience, a child that is on a schedule is well rested, happy, and generally easy to manage. Mess with this child's schedule, and that all goes out the window! You will have a tired, cranky, difficult child. As life with twins goes, something that is difficult for a singleton is three times as hard with twins. If you get one baby off schedule and cranky, it's not the end of the world. If you get your twins off schedule, you'll have two screaming babies, and I can tell you from experience, there is pretty much nothing harder in the world than trying to console two overtired babies. Did you find another part of doing Babywise with twins that was hard that I didn't mention? Let me know in the comments!

Caitlin is a stay at home mom to 1.5 year old identical twin girls and a 3.5 year old little boy.  Her blog is an authentic, judgement free zone with advice on twins, parenting, and a little bit of health and beauty thrown in the mix.  You can find her at www.rogerspartyof5.com. 

Related Posts on this blog:

• Babywise and Twins
• Babywise and Twins: the newborn days
• Babywise Tips for Newborn Twins 
• Preterm Babies and Babywise 
• Five Tips for Getting Twins on a Schedule 

• Tips to get solid twin naps {Guest Post}

Babywise and Twins: Consistency Wins

Last year I submitted a Babywise Success Story talking about how I discovered Babywise and the impact it's had on my parenting. At the time I wrote it, my twins were just a few weeks old and we were in the thick of the newborn stage. I wrote:

I have the confidence that the twins will eventually sleep through the night (and probably relatively soon!) and that they will fall into a napping schedule just like my other kids did. This phase of tiredness I’m in is just that – a phase – and with Babywise I can rest assured that it will be over soon and I will be back to my normal, well-rested self.

When the season for Babywise Success Stories came around again this year, I thought I might provide a brief update - a little "where are they now?" for those who stumble upon this in the throws of having their own newborns. Hopefully it will serve as an encouragement.

When I was pregnant with my twins, people told me it would be THE WORST. You think I'm joking, but you'd be shocked to hear the things that actually come from the mouths of strangers. Twins get a bad rap, and the general consensus was that caring for a three year old, a one year old, and newborn twins would be a nightmare.

There were hard moments, sure. There were multiple times that all four children were crying at the same time. There were nights I got no sleep. The logistics of grocery shopping were challenging at first. Nursing in public was impossible. Life had to be prioritized and some things fell by the wayside. One time in a Target bathroom I was busy bouncing my twins to keep them from crying while my 3 year old peed and I helplessly watched as my one year old dipped his finger into the toilet and then shoved them into his mouth before I could even scream NO! These are the things that happen when you have too many young children.

Yes, there were hard moments. But looking back on the year, it was overwhelmingly good. It was peaceful in a way you wouldn't think possible with the ages my kids were. There was order to our day. The was a clear routine. There was rest. There was sleep! When I look back on the year, the hard moments make me laugh instead of cry because they were just that, moments.

How did I do this? Babywise.

I am not a sleep guru. I did not study infant sleep, work in a day care, or put a spell on my children. I do not have a magic touch. I just read Babywise and I followed it. I started the eat, wake, sleep cycle with very short wake times in the hospital. I nursed on a schedule, waking the babies to feed them throughout the day. I focused on FULL feedings, which encouraged longer stretches of sleep and established my milk supply. I taught the babies to fall asleep independently and to self-soothe, choosing not to rely on sleep props. I prioritized sleep, turning down outside activities to establish a strong sleep schedule. These are all principles of Babywise and when diligently executed, they result in a well-rested family.

This was my third go-around with Babywise and it was by far the easiest, which I credit both to "practice making perfect" and to the fact that I was more regimented this time. I had to be stricter - there was just no other way to survive four little ones on my own. And the results were impressive. My twins slept through the night at 11 weeks, which was 1-2 months earlier than my other two. They had established and predictable naps very early on. When this happens - when all four of your children sleep through the night and predictably nap from 1-4pm everyday - you are rested enough to take on anything, even twins! As a mother, your outlook changes when you are rested. Things don't seem so terrible. Life doesn't seem so hard.

With four little Babywise success stories running around the house all day, it's impossible for me to conclude anything other than that when the principles of Babywise are applied consistently over time, the result is a well-rested child. This forms a foundation for all other skills and behaviors. Rest is vital for both baby and mom, and Babywise can help parents achieve it. 

Tips to get solid twin naps {Guest Post}

By Kimberly Cartwright

I hear all the time how lucky I am that all my children nap at the same time.  I am blessed with decent sleepers, but that is just part of it.  If we are being totally honest here I had to put a lot of work and deliberate planning into getting my children to nap at the same time.  Twins are not born on the same schedule.  Fraternal twins are 'regular' siblings that happen to be born at the same time.  Identical twins might share DNA, but they do not share personalities.  This means you have two distinct little people who might have different napping tendencies.  You can let them nap on their own, but that could mean someone is always napping.  That also means someone is always awake.  I love my kids, but I need my time during the day to get things done!  I needed to get my twins on the same schedule for our whole family to function well.

Getting one child on a schedule can have challenges, and getting two on the same schedule can sound impossible.  Don't worry.  I am here to help you out.  You can get your twins to nap at the same time.  It is possible, and it happens in my house every day.  You might have to make some adjustments to how you do things, and you will have to prioritize.  It is hard when one baby doesn't nap well, and you have two babies to handle.  You need to give your babies and yourself some grace, and maybe lower your nap standards a bit. But you will get there.  I am not an expert, but I do have a set of twins that nap successfully.  Here is how I got my twins on a solid nap schedule.

To begin with, you need to think ahead.  Naps in the first six months change relatively frequently.  You go from four to three to two pretty fast.  Once you hit two naps a day you tend to stay there for a decent chunk of time.  Then you move to one nap for a couple of years.  I like to look at where I would like that one nap to be.  I know you can't predict a few years down the line, but adjusting what is already working is much easier than starting from scratch with a toddler.  That one nap is going to be your anchor.  This is the nap you want to make the most important one of the day.  It should be in the babies' bed as much as possible.  You want to utilize all your night time sleep aids you feel comfortable using- white noise, swaddles, pacifiers- whatever you feel is best.  You will want to be home as much as possible for this nap.  Schedule your day around it.  This time is going to be protected for the next few years, so it is best to get used to that now.

The exact timing of this anchor nap will shift (i.e., it might not always be at 1pm every day for three years), but it needs to be one you focus on.  The next most important nap is the first nap of the day, the morning nap.  This is the second to last nap to drop, so it makes sense you want to make sure a long term nap is important.  Do your best to make this one as consistent as possible as well.  Unfortunately, two major naps a day kind of limits how much you can get out and about.  If you have other kids, this can really be an issue.  If given the choice between messing with your afternoon and morning nap, focus on the afternoon.  Once again, that's the anchor nap.  Focusing on one nap at a time limits some of the stress in a day.  You have one period you work really hard on naps, and you can relax the rest of the day.  The midday and evening naps are dropped within the first few months.  I wouldn't worry too much about them.

This might sound like it goes against the babywise thoughts to not worry about some naps.  Let me explain that a bit more.  I don't mean don't try to get your baby to nap during the non-anchor naps, you should.  Do your best.  But when you have two babies that are crying or not wanting to sleep you sometimes need to draw a line and decide when to call it a nap.  These early to go naps are, in my opinion, just not worth the stress and struggle.  Aim to get your twins to nap.  If they are just not having it these are the naps to relax about though.  Try a bouncer or swing, let them nap on you if they need to, or just move on with your day.  You will not ruin your babies or their napping ability if you are not a drill sergeant at each nap.  It is very easy to get overwhelmed and stressed out when a baby is having bad naps, and you have two babies.  An important part of babywise is that the baby fits in to the family.  This means if you have other kids that need to get out of the house that midday nap might be in the car.  The evening catnap is sometimes only 20 minutes.  Making a whole production of it was not something I wanted to do, so that was done in the bouncers.  We made these naps work with the whole family knowing that yes, our babies needed to rest, but we had to meet the needs of the other family members.

I chose to rely on the clock for my anchor nap more.  This was the nap I put all my hardest efforts into.  As I said for us this is the afternoon nap.  With two babies, I relied on the clock because I had two different sleep personalities.  Basically the goal is to do everything in your power to keep your babies in this nap time and sleeping if possible.  Don't worry about one baby's crying waking the other.  In the early months it really doesn't seem to faze them.  I am a fan of the pacifier.  If my girls were crying, I would go in and first replace the pacifier.  If that didn't work I would try to shush them gently.  Pretty much do what you would normally do to help soothe your baby.  A few things helped me out.  I did my best to not pick them up.  I know, this is so hard!  But if your goal is to get your babies to sleep you don't want to be picking them up repeatedly.  I tried not to make eye contact.  This sounds mean, but seriously a little eye contact can be all it takes to perk up your baby if they reach a lighter sleep stage.  If you look at their bellies you can still see everything you need to help settle them, but you avoid perking them up with eye contact.  The goal is to be almost an object yourself, uninteresting and as unobtrusive as possible.

I'm going to be really honest here.  Handling the anchor nap this way can be hard.  I personally don't like doing cry it out, so I spent a lot of these early anchor naps popping in and out of the room.  For me, it was worth it that I was soothing my babies as I felt I needed to, but I was still working towards a solid anchor nap.  (It was also my son's nap time, so it was beneficial not to have a ton of crying.)  This can be stressful.  I would sit outside my babies' room with a book, making it easy to pop in and out quickly and quietly.  My husband would take a turn and give me a break on weekends.  I would do everything in my power to have my girls stay in nap time the full length of the nap, by the clock.  It was so hard sometimes.  All I wanted to do was do things for my family most of the time, like make dinner.  I didn't want to spend hours of my life trying to get my babies to nap!  There is no nice way to say it, but the results are worth it.  Set yourself up for success and lower your expectations of what you will get done during nap times in these early months.  This is frustrating to say, especially knowing I didn't like it either.  You want to get some me time, maybe grab a nap yourself, or even just throw in a load of laundry during nap time.  Instead you are nap master the whole time.  This is so annoying!  It is easy to get discouraged, especially with two babies.  This is the time to consider your larger priorities here.  Your biggest goal is to get your babies napping.  If that doesn't happen nothing else will.  It is way better and easier to bite the bullet and accept focusing on getting this nap down than spending months wishing your kids napped at the same time.

For those naps that were going to be dropped early, I would get my girls up if they really were not in to napping.  I couldn't and didn't want to spend my entire day just getting babies to sleep.  If they were fussing too hard I would move the naps to the bouncers, or just let it go.  It sounds a bit like quitting, but really it is cutting your loses.  Two babies crying is STRESSFUL.  Give yourself and your babies a break on these naps.  I would start them out, and if my girls slept for them awesome.  If they hit the 45 minute intruder hard, I would put them in the bouncers.  If they just wanted to be awake, we would just be awake. I think twin naps are a great case for choosing your battles.  I chose to fight for the naps that were going to last the longest, and looking back I think I made the right decision.  Yes, some days had a lot of little cat naps.  Some days had perfect naps.  But I tried not to worry about perfection; I kept my eye on the prize.

Twin naps are a good time to take some notes.  Yes, you have homework to get good naps in.  It is very easy to forget who woke up early, who had a hard time falling asleep, or who rocked the nap.  I wrote down how naps went for each of my girls.  By doing this I could see the individual patterns each girl had.  This allowed me to see who needed work where.  More importantly, it let me see progress that can get lost in all that goes in to caring for twins.  My girls had a tendency to take turns having rough naps.  It made me feel like naps were not going well at all.  But when I looked over my notes, I saw that as individuals the girls were actually doing okay.  It was just that their rough times didn't overlap at all, so overall there were more of them.  Seeing this pattern encouraged me to keep working towards our nap goals.

Once the anchor nap and morning nap started to be consistent you can start to take advantage of the times one twin wakes early.  It can be hard to find one on one time with twin babies.  Both of them need you so much you can feel like you don't get to just be with them.  When my girls started taking more consistent naps I would get whichever girl woke up too early and snuggle with them on the couch.  This gave me the chance to really love on just one baby at a time, which is so needed with twins.  These cuddle sessions were some of the sweetest I had with the girls, and neither of them had issues with naps as a result of getting up early for extra love.

Getting twins on the same nap schedule can be tough, but it is so worth the effort!  I am thrilled that my girls nap at the same time every day (and at the same time as their big brother).  Focusing on the anchor naps allowed me to still get the needs of the whole family met, and it gave me a much needed break when things didn't go well.  I didn't waste time stressing about naps that would disappear in a few weeks’ time.  Taking notes let me see how well things were going with my girls as individuals, even if as a duo, well, things weren't so awesome.  Taking advantage of some early wakings gave me much needed one on one cuddle time.  Again, I am not claiming to be an expert.  I'm just a twin mom who has been there with rough naps.  I have never regretted the work I put in to getting my girls on a consistent nap schedule.  My girls go happily to naps, take their full naps, and are rested and healthy.

 -Kim

You can read more about Kim and her twins at teamcartwright.blogspot.com

Five Tips for Getting Twins on a Schedule {Guest Post}

If you've recently been or are currently pregnant with twins, you've probably gotten lots of unsolicited advice from people who know someone who had twins about the importance of getting them on a schedule (which is funny, because as another twin mom pointed out, it's the exact opposite advice you get from the peanut gallery on your single baby. For singletons it's "Don't be too scheduled!" "Feed on demand!" "Let the baby set the schedule!" but then you have twins and those same people are like "You have to get them on a schedule!")

Anyway, in this case the peanut gallery is most definitely correct. You want your twins on a schedule as soon as possible. You want your twins on the same schedule as soon as possible. Here are five tips to help you along the way:

Tip #1: Feed Them and Sleep Them at the Same Time

This is the cardinal rule of twin scheduling. If one is hungry, feed both. If one is tired, sleep both. If one wakes early from a nap, either leave the awake one in the crib until the end of nap time or get them both up.

I found this pretty easy to execute during the day. But waking a sleeping baby at night time was always really difficult for me. I'd have one baby crying at 3am and one baby dead asleep and I'd think, how long would this peaceful baby sleep if I don't wake them? Would they sleep through the night? Am I creating a habit by waking to feed them?

When it comes to newborn twins, always wake the second baby and feed together. How do I know this? First, because on 3-4 occasions I decided to test the validity of the cardinal rule and only feed the baby that was awake. Disaster. DISASTER! I was literally up all night feeding alternating babies. As further proof, my twins slept through the night earliest of all my kids - and were the only ones to do it naturally - even though I consistently fed both when one woke.

I have read that some twin moms have their twins on schedules 30min apart so they can feed and go through a nap routine separately. If that works for you, great, but it sounds totally unrealistic for anyone with more then just twins. My preference has always been to do everything together - feeding, nap routines, diaper changes, clothing changes, baths, you name it. In the beginning it may feel like you're having to really mess with their natural sleep and eating patterns to make it happen, but it really does pay off in the end.

Tip #2: Be Prepared to Hunker Down at Home For a While

I did far more naps on the go with my first and second children than I did with my twins. There are 3 main reasons:

1. The fastest way to get them on a napping schedule is to nap them in the crib from the beginning.

2. Tandem feeding in public is difficult, if not impossible, with newborns. If I wanted to feed them together I had to be home.

3. Naps are less predictable and controllable on the go. With one baby, if you go out during nap time and the baby doesn't nap, you just come home, put them down right away and adjust the schedule from there. But with twins, inevitably one twin will fall asleep while you're out and the other won't. Then when you get home, one baby is well rested from their little snoozer in the car seat and the other baby is tired and ready for a nap. It's much more difficult to control who is or isn't sleeping when you're out of the house, so to keep them on the same schedule it's best to stay home.

A few notes on that point: first, your older children will not die if you don't take them to the park or the library for 6 months. This is just a season. Prepare your older kids by working on their independent playtime skills and getting them used to being at home before the babies come. Once the twins get a little older and can handle more wake time, you can resume your old park routine. Second, invite people over to your house! I lead a weekly bible study from my home where six friends bring their kids over to play while we discuss. This gives my older kids time to play with other children while my twins can still be napping in their crib. Third, when you DO need to get out, be prepared by bringing a pack and play. I've been known to lug that thing to the beach, to the park, to friends' houses, and even to church! I have a portable white noise machine and a big blanket I drape over the top to darken it. Because they are in such a consistent schedule at home, they nap pretty well in other locations as well.

Tip #3: Wake Time is Set By the Lowest Common Denominator

Any mom with more than one child can attest to the fact that babies are all very different and even in the area of sleep, they have different needs. The optimal wake time for your first child may have been entirely different than the optimal wake time for your second child. This is true with twins as well. How does a twin mom balance the unique sleep needs of her babies with the desire to keep them on the same schedule?

For newborn and infant twins, I think it's generally best to set wake time by the lowest common denominator - by the twin who needs the most sleep. This means if one twin's ideal wake time is 65 minutes and the other twin's ideal wake time is 50 minutes, you put both twins down for a nap at the 50 minute mark. The twin who needs the longer wake time will learn to hang out in the crib a few minutes until they fall asleep. Remember the cardinal rule: Feed them and sleep them at the same time.

Tip #4: Lose the Bedtime Routine

I know a lot of people are big on nap time and bed time routines, but until a child is older, I've never really found them to be very helpful. An elaborate routine of baby massage, singing, rocking, and patting just creates more work for the parent - ultimately the baby still has to learn to fall asleep independently when you put them down in the crib. With a singleton you may be able to spend time rocking to sleep for the first few months, but this just isn't a reality with twins. You may rock one until drowsy and lay them ever so gently down in the crib, but what if they start screaming while you're in the middle of rocking the other one? How can you shush/pat two babies in different cribs? If they're going to have to learn to self-soothe anyway, my thought has always been that the "nap time routine" should just be to put them down, shut the curtains, turn on the white noise, and walk out. This has served me well. All 4 of my kids, including my twins, have learned to fall asleep without requiring any intervention from me.

Tip #5: Know Where You're Headed

I think this is one that applies both to one baby and twins. Babies' sleep needs change very rapidly in the first year of their life. Even just between months one and six they might go from needing 20 hours of sleep split into a night and 4 naps to needing only 16 hours of sleep split into a night and 2 naps. That's a big change in a short period of time! You may figure out the ideal schedule for your baby at their specific age, but if you just keep doing that exact same thing day after day, they will soon outgrow the schedule and stop sleeping or eating as well.

Schedule changes can either be reactionary (your response to something suddenly going haywire with their sleeping or eating) or they can be proactive (you pushing them in the direction you want to go). A reactionary change might be spurred on by two days of short naps. A proactive change may be made by a desire to get all your kids on the same napping schedule. Either way is fine, but in both cases you have to know what's ahead in order to make a swift change and avoid floundering. I try to always have in my mind not only what my twins are doing right now in terms of sleeping and eating, but what's right around the corner. This keeps me moving in the right direction - toward the next goal - and keeps them on the right trajectory as their sleep needs change.

My twins are only a little over five months as I write this so I can't really comment on what's to come, but by sticking to the principles above, the first five months have been much easier than I could have possibly imagined. Twins demand a more strict adherence to a routine and a schedule, but if you're willing to make the required sacrifices, the results are no different than a single baby. Diligence and consistency reaps the reward of two well rested babies.

Cole is mother to four kids (3.5, 2, and 5 month old twins) and blogs at Twinning Babywise

Check me out on The Journey of Parenthood today. I am talking about raising that child who is the opposite of you. 

How Babywise Prepared our Twins for Preschool {Guest Post}

By Emily T. Miller
My twins are now 4 years old. Today was their first day of preschool. As I waved goodbye and blew
them a kiss, I knew they were prepared to take on the classroom. I have Babywise to thank for so many reasons! “Train up a child in the way he should go” Proverbs 22:6

1. Schedule – Thanks to Babywise, our twins have been on a schedule since day one! Even now, at age four, they love operating off a routine. They can predict what their day will look like, and as a result be confident and secure. They know when we expect them to get up, eat breakfast, have free time, clean up, rest time, etc. To this day, both of them take a two hour long afternoon nap. I believe they thrive in knowing what to expect from their day and can operate independently knowing what their schedule is! They can anticipate what comes next, and mentally prepare for it without our prompting. I believe this will serve them well in preschool as they adapt to a new routine.
2. 2. Obedience – Thank you Babywise for helping us instill obedience in our twins. Babywise reinforces the principle “Train up a child in the way he should go.” Babywise reminds parents to be clear, concise, and consistent. Just like having a predictable schedule, our twins learned what was acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Yes, they tested us, and yes we had to do a lot of reinforcing, but if you remain consistent in what obedience looks like they will catch on. They learned and are still learning that decisions have consequences. At school, I believe they will operate off a similar system (a set of classroom rules) and that similar behavior will be expected: kindness, respect, sharing, etc. I’m confident they will respect their teacher, just as we expect that of them at home.
3. Independence – Thank you Babywise for helping us value the gift of independence! I’ve seen many parents fall into the trap of needing to be the center of their child’s world. It’s easy to fall into, a sweet snuggly baby comes to your home, and suddenly they become the center of your world. It could have so easily happened with bringing two babies home. We could have let them set the schedule. Thanks to Babywise my husband and I didn’t lose each other when the twins entered our world. We didn’t let them sleep with us or even in our room. I valued sleep too much to give that up. Once our schedule was established, we knew each night when they would go to bed and we would have time for us as a couple. We knew when we could have uninterrupted conversation, and we knew we could entrust them with a sitter because their behavior and schedule was predictable. It has allowed us great freedom. I believe Babywise was a constant reminder for us that our end goal is to prepare our children to be independent, that was the mindset we have tried to parent with since day one. We are building for the future. With our end blueprint in mind, we want our twins to be independent, productive, Christ-centered individuals. I was ready to let them fly this year, because I knew they were ready!

Thank you Babywise for teaching not just our twins, but us as parents! As they start preschool today I
know they are well prepared for what the future holds! Emily blogs at http://alwaysanem.blogspot.com/

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• To Preschool or Not?

Twinning Babywise

My name is Cole, and I am mom to 4 children: Vera (3.5), Abel (1.5), and twins Mercedes and Samuel (7 weeks).

My sister in law gave me a copy of Babywise before I had my first child. I read it at some point during my pregnancy and it made sense, but truthfully I was more concerned with finishing the nursery than contemplating infant sleep, so by the time I delivered I had completely forgotten about it. Vera arrived and was absolutely the worst-case-scenario newborn. I’m certain that babies like her are the reason they have safe surrender sites. She came out of me screaming and oh my goodness she just never stopped. It was horrible. I remember sobbing after her 2 week doctor’s appointment because he told me that infants needed around 16-19 hours of sleep per day and Vera was getting 6-8 hours maximum. She was content to nurse (a great eater from the start), but otherwise spent 10-12 hours a day crying. She cried in the swing, she cried in the car seat, she cried in my arms. She just cried. All.Day.Long. I wanted to jump out a window! Anyway, at some point I remembered that little old book my sister in law had given me, and I cracked it open and began reading. It changed my life. Within a few weeks of implementing Babywise she was regularly napping during the day and falling asleep after night feedings easily. At five and a half months she slept through the night 7pm-7am. With adequate sleep brought a MUCH happier baby who didn’t cry all the time. It was a revolutionary change!

Vera has turned out to be an extremely strong willed child, presenting all sorts of challenges along the way, and I am absolutely convinced that if I wasn’t able to get her sleep under control, she would still be a mess at age 3. I definitely would not have had any more children, and the life with 4 kids that I now love so much wouldn’t exist! Abel, my second, was naturally an easier baby – but with Babywise he also thrived, adapting easily to the schedule and routine that I already had going with Vera. This made the transition from one child to two very, very easy. 

Four years and four kids after I first read On Becoming Babywise, I am still a huge proponent. There are plenty of sleep methods out there – some work, some probably don’t. Some work for some families but not for others. Because I like structure (and I’d argue that most babies/children do too), Babywise is a good fit for me and my family. Having twins brought with it a lot of unknowns, but I am comforted by the plan, routine, and organization that Babywise gives me. I have the confidence that the twins will eventually sleep through the night (and probably relatively soon!) and that they will fall into a napping schedule just like my other kids did. This phase of tiredness I’m in is just that – a phase – and with Babywise I can rest assured that it will be over soon and I will be back to my normal, well-rested self. What a gift!

Cole blogs at Twinning Babywise.

Babywise Success- 2 year old son and 5 month old twin daughters

by Kimberly

Team Cartwright

I am a Babywise quitter.  Yep, I said it.  I started with it when my son was born, then quit for a few months.  I was a first time mom looking for a way to learn how to do this parenting thing.  I knew I wanted to have a baby on some sort of schedule, but I didn't know how to make that happen.  I didn't know how much sleep a baby needed.  I didn't know about wake times.  I didn't know overtired babies sleep less.  I googled and started trying some of what I found from Babywise.  (No, I didn't read the book, just websites.)  Then I googled more and saw all the backlash against it.  Seriously, to a sleep deprived first time mom it sounded like I was going to ruin my child.  I backed off right away.  And you know what?  For a few months that was fine.  I had no real routine for my child.  I found some things that worked.  I found if I fed my son at the same time every morning the rest of the day fell into place a bit more.  I learned that a good bedtime routine didn't have to be too long, just consistent.  I noticed my son did well with a good eat, play, sleep pattern.  We still didn't have a solid enough schedule for my taste.  I decided to take another look at Babywise.  I actually read the book this time.

You know what?  The things I found to work best were exactly what Babywise told me to do.  Have a consistent morning wake time.  Use the eat, play, sleep routine.  Look for hunger cues and sleepy cues.  All the things I read about that said Babywise was so terrible just weren't there.  The book never told me not to feed my child if he was hungry.  It never told me to use the clock as my master for my day.  No, it gave me tools to shape our day in a way that benefited my son and my husband and me.  With the suggestions from Babywise I was able to really get nap times down.  (I was blessed with a good nighttime sleeper, so no real issues there.)  My son, who was doing well, did even better!  He was well fed, rested, and happy.  We had a predictable routine which enabled us to get out and do things.

When I got pregnant again I wasn't too worried, I knew I was going to follow the Babywise ideas I had used with Ben.  Then we found out we were having twins.  We heard, "Get those twins on a schedule!"  "You are going to need a solid routine from the start!"  "You are going to need to schedule those babies!" from everyone!  Seriously, it was usually the first thing people told us.  Almost everything I googled about twins said to get the babies on a consistent routine right from the start.  My own doctor said a solid routine would benefit my children.  I found this very interesting.  I mean, it was completely my plan to get my girls into a routine as soon as possible.  I had success with Babywise with my son, and I knew I would use those tools again.  But why is it when people have one baby, the thought of scheduling such a little person is almost frowned upon.  You are told that scheduling feedings will ruin a mom's breast milk supply.  The baby will grow stressed from being taught how to fall asleep on their own.  The baby will be malnourished and dehydrated.  Yet even medical professionals told me to get my twins on a schedule as soon as possible.  The double standard just doesn't make sense to me.   

Another thing we got a lot of was horror stories about having twins, especially since we already had a two year old.  I was a little worried about how things would go.  I assumed sleep would be a thing of the past.  I joked with my husband that someone in our house would always be crying.  I seriously thought the first six months (at least) would be chaos.  You know what?  They haven't been!  It has not been nearly as crazy as I thought it would be.  Part of that is that we have been blessed with babies who are pretty happy and easy going.  But a big part of that is Babywise.

Using the Babywise tools I have been able to build schedules that work for my twin girls and my two year old son.  Consistent wake times let me get my son up before the girls every day.  Starting the day with some one on one time does wonders for his behavior the rest of the day.  My son gets independent play time while the girls have their first nap, giving me a chance to have time to get things done.  All three of my children nap at the same time in the afternoon.  Consistent feeding times means we can get out of the house, knowing my girls won't be needing to eat while we are out.  (Yes, I am able to nurse twins!  Babywise did not hurt my supply at all.)  I am able to spend evenings with my husband, as the children have a good bedtime routine down.  And yes, despite having three kids under three, we sleep.  Everyone does so much better with enough sleep, so the whole family is happier with a consistent routine.

I love the idea that a new baby fits into a family, the family doesn't just revolve around the baby.  Well, in our case two new babies fit into the family.  I feel that the information I have gotten out of Babywise has really helped our family thrive.  It takes effort to get a good schedule going, I'm not going to lie and say everything has been easy.  But here we are, my twins just barely six months old, and we have a real, workable schedule that meets the needs of three children and two adults.  I am so glad that I came back to Babywise.  

Babywise Tips for Newborn Twins {Guest Post}

by Kim Cartwright

I can still remember the moment the moment my doctor told me we were having twins.  I'm fairly certain my first response was to tell her to put one of them back.  Well, it doesn't really work that way.  I am happy to report now that, despite our initial shock and fear, having twins is amazing.  Not only do I get to watch my babies grow up, I get to watch them grow up along side each other, enjoying the world together.  I am also happy to report that having twins isn't as daunting as I thought it would be.  There are challenges, don't get me wrong.  But it is completely doable.  Babywise is a major reason I think we have been able to make the transition from one child to three without falling apart.

For newborns there are basically two major things they do.  Eat and sleep.  Okay, yes there is the waste disposal part.  But that is something that you can't really put on a routine.  I will say if you are changing one twin, save yourself the trouble and just change the other too.  But back to the first two, eating and sleeping.  These are the areas in which Babywise helped me the most.  I do have a few tips for these areas that are twin specific though.

Before we get to far into this, I want to note that it is completely possible to exclusively breastfeed twins.  I was a little worried about how I was going to do it.  I was able to breastfeed my older son, so most of my worries were fortunately just the logistics of how you hold two babies at once.  Even though I had experience breastfeeding, I was still taken aback by how many people seemed to assume it wouldn't be possible.  There are a multitude of reasons why breastfeeding might not work.  Twins just add more reasons to that list.  But if it something you want to do, don't let anyone tell you it will be too hard.  Yes, it can be hard.  Anything worth doing is hard though, right?  Find another twin mom to help you out with holds, make the lactation consultant stay with you until you have it right, and don't give up.

Eating:

1) Feed the twins one at a time.  You can nurse at the same time, but honestly at first do it one at a time.  I know, newborns eat All. The. Time.  Two newborns?  You'll never get off the couch.  It can feel like that sometimes.  But a goal is to get as complete of a feeding as possible every time.  It is hard to keep a newborn awake to eat.  Keeping two awake at once is practically impossible.  Trust me, I tried.  You get one sucking away and the other falls asleep.  So you work on the sleepy one a bit, and the first one passes back out.  Stick to one at a time for the first couple of weeks.  At about a month I found it was easier to nurse at the same time.  In order to do that, get a twin nursing pillow.  It is a lifesaver.  I love My Brest Friend Twin Nursing pillow.  Hate the name, love the pillow.

2) Feed both twins at the same time.  Yes, this totally goes against what I just said.  What I mean by this though is if one twin eats, the other eats immediately afterwards.  This gets them on a similar schedule, if offset by a little bit.  My girls were super sleepy for the first couple of weeks.  They didn't eat for very long before I just could not keep them awake.  So they were offset by about 15-30 minutes each meal.  Those first few weeks if  one was hungry between feedings I would feed her, then offer the other a meal as well.  The goal is to keep them eating as close together as possible so when you do switch to feeding them at the same time it is easier.  Plus I know eventually you hope to get off the couch and do something besides feed babies.  This means getting both twins on the same schedule.

3) Start with more frequent feedings, and drop feedings verrrrry slowly.  I know for me at least it was hard to keep the girls awake for their feedings.  And it was made harder by knowing there was someone else waiting to eat.  If the girl I was feeding just would not stay awake and her sister was raring to go, I would switch babies.  This means that they might not get the fullest of feedings.  I know Babywise says to do anything you can to give your baby a full feeding, but sometimes it just doesn't work out.  Any mother knows that feeling when your baby is crying and wants to eat.  It doesn't feel good!  If the baby I was currently feeding was satisfied enough to stop nursing and fall asleep, I would switch.  In order to make sure they still ate enough and I produced enough I fed them every two to two and a half hours at first.  Once they were eating at the same time it was easier to make sure they had enough to eat.  Conversely, when it comes time to drop feedings do it very slowly.  Each breast is making a full meal, not just part or half of one like when you nurse a single baby.  That makes it harder on your body when you skip a feeding.  My girls went from having 2-3 feeds in the night each to 1 each in about two days.  That hurt.  I don't know if there is really a way to prevent that sort of thing, but it is something to be prepared for.

Sleep:

1) Like with eating, when one twin sleeps, the other sleeps.  This is hard to do at first as well.  I mean, newborns sleep when they want to sleep.  But after a few weeks when you start to notice sleepy cues, put both down for naps.  By having your twins nurse as close in time to each other as possible, they should naturally get sleepy at the same times.  It is tough to put down a baby to nap that doesn't seem completely ready for it.  You have to keep your eye on the prize- babies that nap at the same time.  And remember a good thing that comes from doing this is that my girls have learned to be put down drowsy but awake from the start.

2) Be ready for naps to be work.  I know, I feel like naps are a much needed break for moms.  With

one baby you may only have to go to your child a couple of times during naps, depending on what technique you choose to use to encourage sleeping.  For newborns we don't really do much in terms of sleep training.  If the girls cried, we went to them to comfort them.  With two babies, that does seem to mean you are in there twice as much.  One nice thing about twins is that the other baby crying doesn't seem to disturb them.  But I found they didn't usually sleep peacefully at the same time.  One thing I tried to be strict about for naps is where they sleep and for how long.  I did whatever I could to keep the girls in their beds for the duration of the nap.  And yes, that meant going in and out of their room frequently.  I know an option is to move the not sleeping baby to a swing or bouncer to complete the nap.  But with two that just got harder.  We don't have room in our small house for two swings.  Plus I really couldn't just sit and bounce babies with my two year old running around.  Then add the mom guilt that I was somehow playing favorites if I got one baby up early... I'm not going to lie, it is hard.  My husband came home to a stressed out wife a lot.  But it is so worth it that the girls now nap where they are supposed to.  They sleep at the same time, which means I don't constantly have someone sleeping.  It also means I have a couple of hours during the day to get things done!  Win!

3) Be ready for night sleep to be a little messy.  I was strict on naps.  I decided for night time to cut my losses and toss out a bunch of Babywise stuff.  I know, I'm talking about how awesome Babywise is and here I am saying we ignored it at night!  It comes down to prioritizing.  My husband's and my goal was to get some sleep during the night.  Two babies means twice the wake ups.  And the two year old was always raring to go in the morning.  We needed to get whatever sleep we could.  We kind of co-slept a little.  As the girls ate at an offset during the day, they usually woke up at different times at night.  This was actually a good thing.  I could take whichever girl was awake and nurse her lying down in bed.  Then I would switch to the other.  Once I got the go ahead from the pediatrician to let the girls sleep as long as they could at night, I didn't wake one up if the other ate.  It didn't always work out, but often I felt like I got more sleep this way than when my son was a newborn.  It did take the girls longer to sleep through the night than my son, but we were better rested along the journey.  Priorities people.  No one wins if mommy can't keep her eyes open.

Other:

1) Use the consistent wake up time!  This is one of my favorite things I have learned from Babywise.  Even in the early newborn days having a set time to start your day (regardless of what time it actually started, or if it never ended...) sets up tiny bellies to form a routine.  Having a newborn can get crazy.  Having two can get even crazier.  You might not be able to stick to the schedule every day, but starting at the same time gives you a better shot.

2) Rely on your spouse.  Or partner.  Or a grandparent.  Whoever your other caregiver is.  The newborn days can seem like they are all about the mother.  If you are nursing that makes sense.  But when you are nursing one at a time at first someone might be needed to soothe the other baby until it is her turn.  Once the babies are eating at the same time sometimes you need help if one spits up, or just doesn't want to be on the nursing pillow anymore.  At night, well, that's pretty clear.  Two crying babies?  One person can't handle that in a timely fashion.  This was a hard one for me.  I want to be able to do everything for my children.  But no one wins that way.  You and your spouse need to be in it together.  Having a supportive co-caregiver is key.

3) Prioritize.  Even with twins you can do everything.  But you can't do everything on the same day.  Sometimes you can't even do it all in the same week.  You have to build up to a solid schedule.  I focused on getting the feedings in first.  Twins are usually smaller than other newborns, so getting plenty of food in them is key.  After that I focused on sleep.  I didn't try to get every nap perfect at once.  We did one at a time.  First the morning nap, then the afternoon.  I knew the midday and evening catnaps are some of the quickest to go, so I chose not to stress about those.  Why make them perfect when they will be on the way out soon?  I didn't want to stress myself out trying to get everything perfect all at once.  Expect things to take a little longer.  You have two new little ones to get to know.  Give all of you time to figure things out.

Those are my major tips for life with newborn twins using Babywise.  I think using these techniques made our introduction to twin life so much easier.  My girls are healthy, growing, and happy.  I am able to nurse them exclusively.  They sleep!  Which means I sleep!  And because they are on a schedule we can get out of the house.  I am so thankful for what I have learned from Babywise.

Kim blogs at Team Cartwright