Showing posts with label guest post. Show all posts

How to Choose the Best Parenting Strategy for You

How to Choose the Best Parenting Strategy for You. Tips for thinking through options to choose the parenting strategy that best suits you and your family.

by Diana

While I haven’t had kids for that long of my life – my oldest is 5.5 years old – I have done a lot of research as a mom. My husband and I have also had a lot of conversation analyzing parenting, how things are going, and what we can do better. At this point in our parenting journey, here are our parenting systems. Some of these things won’t apply to everyone, but this is what we try to do.

First, make sure you are on the same page with your partner.

No need to try to implement any new parenting or discipline stuff by yourself. That being said, if you and your partner are not on the same page, kids (even young ones) will figure it out. They know that certain behaviors may be acceptable with one person and not another, and they will act accordingly.

Moms- Finding Time To Grieve After The Death Of A Loved One

Moms- Finding Time To Grieve After The Death Of A Loved One. How mothers can find the time and space to grieve after the loss of a loved one.

When a loved one dies, grief can rear its ugly head at unexpected times. When you are a mom, it can be difficult to find the time to properly grieve. It can be difficult to give yourself the space that you need to mourn.

After all, your toddler and/or baby is demanding your undivided attention. Your needs as a mom often take a backseat. This can unfortunately also include your time to grieve. It is so important, however, to allow yourself the space to grieve and heal properly.

The only way to move through grief is to allow yourself to actually grieve. It takes time. Time isn't something moms have plentiful forms of. After losing my daughter, however, I had to find time to make the time.

Grief also comes in waves- unexpected at times. Things trigger emotions that otherwise wouldn't have, and it can consume you in the blink of an eye. There's no right way to grieve. There's no normal way to grieve.

There are, however, some things that can help as you navigate the waters. And, there are ways you can find the time and space that you need for you.

From Learning Time to Homeschooling: A Seamless Transition

From Learning Time to Homeschooling: A Seamless Transition. How doing learning activities in preschool years helps you prepare for homeschool during school years.

I first learned about the Babywise version of Learning Time right here on Val’s blog. I was happy to find something new to incorporate into my son’s daily routine as he was getting older. As a former teacher turned stay-at-home mom, I knew then that learning time would be an important (and hopefully fun) part of our day.

When my son was an infant and pre-toddler, I can remember carefully choosing toys that would promote his development. I remember carefully choosing board books to show him about current holidays or places we had visited like the farm or beach. I remember slicing holes in the top of a container and showing him how to put pom-poms through the hole. DIY fine motor work at it’s finest!

I think I started “official” learning time with my son when he was about 20 months old, right after my daughter was born. During her morning nap, I presented my son with a new lesson and then afterwards we would head outside to play. During learning time, I taught my son about colors, shapes, letters and numbers. We did puzzles, made crafts based on the current season or holiday and experimented with various types of art materials. I followed his interests and together we both learned a lot about topics like outer space, dinosaurs and sharks. We both really loved this focused time of day. As any parent knows, children are innately curious. Meeting his natural desire to learn was a joyful experience for both of us.

4 Powerful Things To Know Before You Exclusively Pump

4 Powerful Things To Know About Breast Milk Before You Exclusively Pump. The facts are not cut and dry. There are factors you need to consider before deciding to pump instead of formula feed.

There is this huge push nowadays that "breast is best". So much so, that when breastfeeding isn't working out easily, many mothers are taking to full time pumping, freezing, and using this breast milk storage for their baby.

Our bodies are pretty amazing. Did you know that your body receives signals from your baby's saliva, and in turn makes changes to the composition of your breast milk? Your breast milk also changes throughout one feeding, throughout the day, and has different composition from month to month.

With all of this in mind, it made me think:

What if pumping isn't as ideal as we think?

How careful do we need to be with it?

Should a 6 month old baby, be given pumped milk from when he or she was 3 months old?

For moms that are breastfeeding, and then pumping to gain freezer storage for those moments in need... is that really the best option?

When is the ideal time to pump?

Is after a feeding ok?

As far as I can tell, there really hasn't been much research done in this area. I personally think there needs to be, however.

Since, as a society, we are pushing breast milk as the "best" option, many moms are feeling guilted into pumping and storing milk, when they otherwise may have just used formula.

Formula has been highly researched and we know it is a safe, good alternative. In fact, it has some advantages such as being enriched and fortified with iron. Pumping, storing, and feeding is most likely also safe- but what if it isn't as straightforward as we think?

The -Wise Series and Older Children/Adoption

The -Wise Series and Older Children/Adoption. Babywise has benefits for older children and adopted children.

While Babywise is often read and implemented by parents with newborns, I think the real genius of it actually comes into play in the older years.

I read Babywise before my first son was born and so I have used it with all of my children; however, I wasn’t prepared for how it would help us in welcoming an older child to our family! We fostered, and later adopted, our daughter beginning when she was 11 years old. She came to us after a turbulent childhood with very few rules and nothing she could rely on. In fact, even food was not a given on any particular day or at any particular time. She was not underfed per se, but she truly never knew when, or what kind of, food would be available.

A Breastfeeding Journey with Babywise

A Breastfeeding Journey with Babywise. Breastfeeding can absolutely work with Babywise. Here is one mom's journey on how she did both.

I often hear silly myths surrounding breastfeeding, as if there is only one right way to breastfeed (hint: the la leche league way). However, I have successfully breastfed all of my babies.

Babywise: So Much More Than Schedules and Sleep Training!

Babywise: So Much More Than Schedules and Sleep Training!. How to work to make Babywise work for you and your family situation.

My little brother is a smart guy, but he has always hated reading. He is actually proud(!) of the fact that, at 34 years of age, he’s never owned a library card and can count on his fingers the number of books he’s voluntarily read. So you can imagine my shock when, soon after I announced my pregnancy, he gave me a book. It was called “On Becoming Babywise”, and he swore by it, explaining that this was the secret behind his two boys’ good behavior, discipline, and happiness. I read it and knew right away that our family would be following its principles.

Babywise Gives the Gift of Sleep for Any Child

Babywise Gives the Gift of Sleep for Any Child. Babywise works for all types of babies.

I have six children. Five of those are mine by birth and all five of those I have had the privilege of parenting since birth have been raised with Babywise and the subsequent books (Pretoddlerwise, Toddlerwise, Preschoolwise, and Childwise). In fact, I am overdue to read Teenwise for my now-10 year old!

I cannot say enough what a blessing this book has been to me and my kids! I find over and over again that when I follow the principles my children are happier, calmer, and just more fun to be around. Because, let’s face it, tired, cranky babies aren’t nearly so fun as well-rested ones! And obedient(ish) toddlers are far more enjoyable than disobedient ones.

My youngest baby is now 7 months old. He was my latest to sleep through the night (defined as sleeping from at least a 10pm dreamfeed until 7am), but even so he was sleeping comfortably an 8+ hour stretch by 13 weeks old. Oh, and he has reflux. In fact, three of my Babywise babies have had reflux and all slept through the night by 3 months old.

For those who think Babywise only works for babies who are naturally good sleepers, here is our baby breakdown using terminology from The Baby Whisperer as well as my own observations :)

Surviving the Fourth Trimester

How to Survive the Fourth Trimester. How to make it through those newborn months and thrive as a mom, recover from birth, and enjoy your new baby.

The fourth trimester refers to the first 3 months postpartum. During this time, baby is adjusting to life outside the womb, and mom, dad, and big siblings are adjusting to baby being added to the family. And newborns grow and change so much during this time! They are ever changing, which means mom and dad are kept on their toes. Following my fourth trimester rules will help you cope with all the change!

My two rules for the fourth trimester:

Go slow
Take care of yourself and your baby

Here are some ways I abide by those two rules:

How To Re-Fuel Mid-Air

Tips for mothers to be able to focus on themselves and re-energize even when life is incredibly busy and crazy. Moms can get some self-care in each day without sacrificing their families with some simple steps.

by Carrie Wiley

Have you ever seen an airplane re-fuel mid-air? Yeah, me neither unless you count that one episode of the West Wing or seen the Focus on the Family movie where they try to refuel the Space Shuttle in the middle of outer space. But we've heard it happens, right?

In motherhood, we often don't have the luxury of landing first, or stopping, to refuel. We eat lunch standing up, we shower when we sacrifice sleep for it, and I KNOW I am not the only one who often goes to the restroom with a "helper".

Taking care of ourselves comes at the sacrifice of something or someone else. Or, at least it feels that way. But while we are talking about airplanes, let me remind you about the oxygen mask theory: you can't help others if you don't help yourself.

So, we don't have the luxury of stopping or landing, but we still need to re-fuel, re-energize and take care of ourselves. Here are some tips to re-fuel mid-air:

Should I Be Worried? Understanding Tics in Kids

Should I Be Worried? Understanding Tics in Kids. Know what to do about tics and what not to do about tics and discern if your child might have Tourette Syndrome.

by anonymous guest blogger

Little kids do strange things. I'm not saying that to mean, I'm just being honest. Have you ever watched a group of toddlers or preschoolers? Someone is pulling their shirt up, someone is taking their shoe on and off. Someone else is moving their hands around in a silly fashion. It's normal. They are still exploring social norms and what their bodies can do. Oh, and they are little kids who have a ton of energy. Of course they are wiggly! But when do those blinks and twitches turn problematic? How do you know if something more is going on?

Musical Science: An Easy Way to Introduce Sound Waves to Children

A fun way to learn about science through music. How to teach sound waves.

by Kimberly Cartwright

How does music work? Okay, that is a broad question. Music is a very personal experience. Let's focus in on how we physically hear music. How does pushing a key on a piano translate to what we hear as a musical note? The science of sound comes down to one main thing: sound waves. Simple waves can produce that beauty that is a symphony. But let's not try for that right now. Let's keep it simple. Grab some glasses of water and let's explore the science of music.

The Steps to Expect in the Process of Domestic Adoption

The Steps to Expect in the Process of Domestic Adoption. How to know if adoption is right for you and everything to expect.

Many people don't fully understand just how much is involved in the domestic adoption process. Often times when we hear "adoption" we think "long wait" and that's very true. The path to a baby joining the family of a hopeful adoptive parents is long. There are several steps involved along this path and each one has it's own hurdles, hardships and waits.

When we first started our adoption process we had no clue just how many steps it would include. I'm hoping by sharing what to expect in the adoption journey that hopeful adoptive parents will have a clear understanding of what lies ahead and that their friends and family will have knowledge of the process so they can offer support through each stage!

Decide to Adopt

Adoption is not a decision to be taken lightly. Typically one spouse feels that calling on their heart before the other spouse does. God put that desire within me before He did for my husband. I highly recommend waiting and praying rather than trying to persuade your spouse to jump on board. I'm so thankful I was patient and allowed my husband the time to pray and see where his heart was leading him. During the tougher phases of our journey, I knew he was just as "all in" as I was which was a huge peace of mind!

When making the decision to adopt it's also important to consider all the factors involved. Your current family situation (bio kids? extended family?), living situation (are you settled in your home? career?), large events in the future (a big wedding coming up? long distance travel plans?). It's also important to consider what path you want to take in adoption. This post covers the domestic adoption of a newborn because that's the path we chose but there are many different options when it comes to adoption and it's wise to consider each one and figure out that best fit for you family.

You can read about our decision to adopt here :)

Figure out Finances

Adoption is expensive. Like crazy expensive.

Go through your finances. Do you have funds you can access? Savings? Loan options?

There are many adoption loans as well as grants available that are worth considering (keeping in mind that many require home study approval first, some even requiring a match being made with an expectant mother, and even others that you can't qualify until the adoption is final!)

Be sure to check with your CPA regarding the tax adoption credit requirements too as this is a large credit that can really help offset the adoption costs.

Also consider fundraising options. We did a t-shirt campaign, yard sale, and a puzzle fundraiser. All were successful and family and friends enjoyed the opportunity to help us!

Consider a Consultant or Agency

I was SO confused as to what to do first once we decided to adopt. Some people will say to go ahead and start the home study process, which is fine. But as someone who was CLUELESS about adoption I wanted to find someone who knew what to do and could help me throughout the entire process.

We decided to go with a consultant (we used Christian Adoption Consultants) as I liked that our consultant had a ton of knowledge about adoption and the process, that she'd design our profile book for us, and that using a consultant would allow us to be in contact with multiple agencies and lawyers rather than just one.

Many families decide to work with an agency but I have heard that it typically takes much longer to be matched and that there are often rules regarding being "stuck" with that agency. The consultant path was the best fit for us but be sure to explore all options.

This is a good time to reach out to anyone else you know who has adopted before, ask questions! Join Facebook Groups! Do research to learn about what to expect in the months/years to come!

Announce Plans to Adopt

There is no "best time" to announce your decision to adopt. We decided to announce our plans after we signed on to work with our consultant and as we were beginning the home study process.

We knew we'd need help with childcare for our bio children while completing the home study and we knew we wanted as many prayers and as much support as possible throughout the entire adoption experience so we decided to announce pretty early on. We also have three bio children whom we wanted to be fully part of each stage and wanted them to be able to share in our experiences right from the start!

I've heard of many couples who wait until they are matched to announce. Or even those who wait until a baby is in their arms to make it public. It's a personal choice and one that is truly up to the hopeful adoptive parents to decide!

You can see how we told our bio kids and other friends and family about our adoption decision :)

Complete Home Study

Each state varies on their requirements for home study completion but most likely you'll work with a social worker in your state to complete this step. The home study process can be a huge source of frustration. There are a TON of things to do, appointments to make, paper work to fill out, and hoops to jump through.

It's frustrating to have to "prove your worth" and can feel redundant. Take it slow. Work through it all at your own pace and don't let it stress you out.

Also do not overly fret over the home study visits. For our home study we were required to have an in home visit from the social worker. She was there to make sure our home was safe and that we'd be offering a healthy environment for a new baby. I cleaned my house from top to bottom and it was really unnecessary. It's not a show to impress, it's just a simple visit to make sure things are safe and that's it! I did so much work and the whole thing was done in 30 min and she really only went in each room to check for a smoke detector ha!

Submit Profile to Expectant Mothers

While working on the home study it's also good to be putting together your profile book. Different agencies do things differently but in working with our consultant we gave her photos and information and she created a beautiful book to be able to submit to agencies and law offices when presenting to expectant mothers.

Once you are home study approved then you move to the next stage of waiting and that is the wait to be matched!

This is one of the hardest waits in the entire process. Adoption is a journey of waits but remember the faith is in the wait :)

Again this stage can vary but for us we received emails of expectant mothers who our consultant thought would be a good fit for us. My husband and I reviewed the information together and decided if we wanted to submit our profile. If we did then we'd write a personal letter to that mother and send our profile book to the lawyer or agency she was working with.

The expectant mother would then review all the profile books she'd receive and would select the best fit for her and move forward from there!

This stage is a double wait stage. You spend time waiting for potential birth mothers to view and then spend time waiting to hear their decision. This is the most emotional rollercoaster phase of the process as it's hard not to get super excited and hopeful each time you present and is heartbreaking when the expectant mother chooses another family!

Update Home Study

A home study is only valid for 1 year so when you reach month 10ish it's wise to go ahead and re-do anything necessary in order to update your home study.

I'll keep it real: this was hard for me emotionally. We were on the verge of being a year out from our home study being approved and had to start doing everything again and it felt pointless when we were yet to be matched!

Become Matched

I truly believe that the PERFECT match WILL happen for each hopeful adoptive family. We submitted to 7 birth moms. We received 7 nos. But that 8th? She was our YES and it couldn't have been the more perfect fit. So many stars had to align just right and I wouldn't change a single thing about our journey because it led us to Mama E and our baby boy!

In our situation Mama E chose our book and then we had a phone call where we spoke to her and got to know each other a little better and then both told her lawyer that it was a "yes" for each of us. When we were officially matched is when we had to pretty quickly send ALL the funds. It's so wise to have the money ready and waiting because when you need it, you need it QUICK!

Here's more about when we got our match :)

Meet Birth Mother / Form Bond / Dr Visits

Every situation is different and unique.

When starting the process we hoped we would have a semi-opened adoption relationship where we'd send photos but not really get to know the expectant mother personally or have a long term bond with her after placement.

It was interesting because Mama E felt the same way. She too didn't want any sort of relationship with the adoptive family.

But then we got to know each other. During her pregnancy I'd call and we'd text and stay in contact. She ended up asking for me to come to her dr visits with her. She lives 2 hours from me so I'd go to every visit I could and we'd have lunch together and a bond naturally formed between us.

I firmly believe this relationship benefits ALL parties involved. My husband and I had a peace of mind in knowing Mama E and felt more confident in her decision to place her son with us. Mama E knew us and felt more confident in her decision to have us raise her baby. And the baby benefited too, I believe our bond helped Mama E to get the best possible care for her child throughout her pregnancy.

Birth of Baby

One thing that is pretty consistent among all adoptive newborn situations is to never trust the due date. We were originally told mid-November and then the due date was changed to mid-December and our baby was actually born on December 1st! The wait for that phone call that "it's time" is very exciting and nervewracking.

Depending on your specific situation you may or may not have the option to be present at the birth of the baby. We were able to actually be in the delivery room with Mama E (you can read my version of our son's birth story here...and my husband's perspective here).

Be prepared that this will be a very tender time for everyone involved. It was beautiful and amazing to be there to see our son come into the world, but it was also heartbreaking to see Mama E go through that pain while knowing she wouldn't be raising this sweet boy.

Wait for TPR to be Signed

Another one of the most difficult waits in the entire adoption experience is the waiting for the parental rights to be terminated. Again, this varies from state to state. In the state where our baby was born his birth mother had to wait until she was able to be discharged or 48 hours...whichever came first before she could sign.

Some states require the biological mother to have a certain amount of time with the baby, some allow adoptive parents there from birth. In our situation our baby was able to room-in with us at the hospital. We kept continuous contact with his biological mother as she was just down the hall from us.

This was such a tough time for me. I was holding this precious baby in my arms. That I'd prayed for. Waited for. Wanted so badly. Yet I was so scared to allow my heart to fall completely in love with him as I knew everything could change in a second.

Once those rights were signed it was the biggest sigh of relief in the world!!! You can read about our time period of waiting for rights to be signed here, and when it was finished here.

Post Placement Visits

Depending on your state, after the parental rights are signed it's all pretty much complete and over and is just waiting on final paperwork to make it official. I know some states have a grace period to allow the birth parents to change their mind after signing, but where our son was born that wasn't an option.

While waiting for finalization there are a couple of post placement visits with the social worker as part of the requirement to legally complete the adoption. Again, don't overly stress about these visits. The social worker is simply looking to see that the baby is adjusting well, the family is adjusting well, and that it's all a good fit.

Finalization

Even though our son was already ours, finalization day was still so magical and exciting. It's the day that everything becomes official. All the waits and the adoption journey comes to an end!

Again, it varies by state but ours was able to be over the phone with a judge who asked us very simple questions (all requiring just a yes or no answer) and then she granted us as our sons official parents forever and ever!

Every moment of waiting. Every struggle. Every obstacle. Every single thing was worth it and all had to happen the exact way it did in order for our son to be OURS and I wouldn't change a thing!

I hope this post helps hopeful adoptive parents to have a clear understanding of the timeline of adoption and what to expect at each step in the process. I blogged pretty much every detail of our entire adoption journey and you can find all of that information here :)

Emily is a mother of four who blogs over at The Journey of Parenthood. You can also follow along with her family adventures through Instagram!

3 REASONS IT IS OKAY TO NOT LIKE BEING PREGNANT {Guest Post)

Inside: 3 REASONS IT IS OKAY TO NOT LIKE BEING PREGNANT . Pregnancy is not always fun and it doesn't make you a bad mom to not enjoy it.

I've often seen harsh comments made by some that say a woman has no right to complain about being pregnant. I understand the sentiment. As a whole, I don't like to complain. I like to try and see the positive to things. However, I also see that for some reason, complaining about pregnancy is equated to being ungrateful. Of course, there are exceptions to the majority, but I would say that in general, this assumption is false.

Pregnancy Is Hard

You can be fit and healthy but pregnancy can still be super challenging. There are the obvious physical ailments such as morning sickness, the extra weight to carry around, swollen joints, round ligament pain, etc etc. However, so often the unseen things are excluded. Hormones play a huge role in how we feel. Did you know that there is such a thing as antenatal depression? No one knows how pregnancy is going to affect them, but I would say that most women wouldn't say it is a walk in the park. (Read about the 5 things that surprised me during pregnancy -- HERE)

Pregnancy Is Unique

I admit that I get easily frustrated when women push their experience onto someone else. Just because you didn't feel a certain way doesn't mean that another woman can't or won't. Pregnancy is so very individual. We experience things differently. Our situations are different. Gosh, I've been pregnant three times and they've all had their own unique symptoms. If you had an 'easy' ride, then that's wonderful, but don't brush away the feelings of others just because you didn't personally experience them. Some women feel like goddesses during pregnancy. Their skin glows and they feel like the essence of femininity. Others (like myself) feel sick and totally unlike themselves. While I greatly value what my body is doing to grow my child, I don't feel feminine...I feel more akin to a beached whale.

You Still Love Your Baby

If I'm being honest, if I listed out the things I would miss about pregnancy, and those I would not, the 'would not' list would be significantly longer. I don't love the fatigue, the hormone swings, the weight gain, the morning sickness, and the general lack of control. I struggle with not being capable of some of the basic tasks of daily living. HOWEVER... I still love my baby. I don't love being pregnant, but I'm so excited that I get another child out of it. The nine months of challenges are outweighed by that moment when I get to hold my precious child in my arms for the first time. Do I complain about the pregnancy during those nine months? You betcha! However, as much as I struggle with my body image and mental health, I still have the utmost respect for the ability my body has to grow and nurture a human into existence. So, it's okay to not love being pregnant. I remember my mother saying that if a stork could just drop the baby off, that would be great. Ha! However, I think there is a difference between not enjoying something and not being grateful for it. I don't love it when it rains, but gosh I'm thankful that it makes the country I live in so green and lush!

Christine Keys

Motherhood & Parenting Blogger

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How to Have Successful Independent Playtime for Twins {Guest Post}

How to get your twins to play independently each day. This is great for giving twins some time alone.

Independent playtime is important for all children, but it is especially important for twins. Our twins share a bedroom and are literally together 24/7, aside from when they are in independent playtime. It was a challenge to separate them, and we endured many days of tears and them pounding on their doors, calling for each other. It was quite heartbreaking, but I persisted because I believe that independent playtime for twins is essential. They need a chance to explore, play, and grow in their individual personality without their twin to influence them.

Why You Should Do Independent Playtime for Twins

As I mentioned above, independent playtime is important for all children, but I think that it is especially important for twins. The bond they share is absolutely incredible and it's an amazing blessing to watch it grow and develop. However, let's face it... one day, they're going to be separated! Whether it's for elementary school, high school, or college, one day they will be apart. While it's natural that they will miss each other, I don't want my girls to be so dependent on each other that they fall apart if they aren't around each other.

I also think it's a great way to nurture their individuality. I've noticed that my twins like to mimic one another. Josie will be reading a book and Margo will see her, and decide she wants to read that book for herself. Margo will be playing Paw Patrol, and Josie will come along and need to play with the pups at that exact same moment. They influence each other, for better or for worse. I want them to have a chance to not be influenced by each other for a few minutes a day; I want them to learn what their own interests are and develop their own preferences for play.

Independent Playtime for Twins at the Same Time

Since it is very common for twins to share a bedroom, it can be tricky to find two separate places for them to have independent playtime at.

Separate Bedrooms

This is our current setup. One twin goes in their bedroom, and the other twin goes in their brother, Theo's room. Theo goes downstairs in our playroom, but if we didn't have a playroom I would put him in our guest bedroom. You could even child-proof your master bedroom and do independent playtime in there. A bin of toys could be kept in your closet, or brought in from another room.

Bedroom and Playroom or Living Room

This worked for us in the beginning. Our playroom is on a different floor than our bedrooms, and since they were crying and calling for each other, I tried separating them by floors. Not being able to hear each other cry was extremely beneficial. However, I ultimately wanted them both in the bedrooms because our playroom is off of the kitchen with no door, and I know it's hard for them to see me walking around and not be able to come to me.

Sound Machine

They no longer cry, but I still use a sound machine (with a different sound than they get for sleeping!). The bedrooms they are in are right next to each other, and I don't want them to hear the other one playing and become sad that they aren't together.

Tip: If you are doing independent playtime for your twins at the same time, do whatever it takes to make it so they can't hear each other.

Independent Playtime for Twins at Separate Times

If your logistics don't work out and you simply don't have the space to do independent playtime at the same time, there are still ways you can do it.

T.V. Time

If you are a work-at-home-parent, or simply have housework to get done, you can alternate T.V. time with independent playtime for your twins. While one twin is having independent playtime, the other can get their T.V. time, and then vice versa.

One on One Time With Parents

You can also use independent playtime as an opportunity to have one on one time with your twins. I try to do this once a week with each child because every parent of twins knows that it's hard to find one on one time with them!

Cleaning Up After Independent Playtime

I've noticed with my girls that when independent playtime is over they are so anxious to see each other that it's like pulling teeth to get them to clean up. I've switched things up a little, and now I let them reunite and then we clean up both rooms together. They are much happier to clean up once they have given each other hugs.

Keep Your Tone Light

When I put my twins into independent playtime, I keep my voice bright and cheery. I say things such as "you're going to have so much fun playing by yourself! Josie will be in the other room playing and having lot's of fun and you can see her when your time is up!" I also remind them of what will happen after independent playtime.

Reward Them

I suppose this isn't specific to twins, but I give them lots of praise when independent playtime is over. Our 'reward' is their television time for the day. My kids all love watching t.v., and it isn't something we do a ton; for us, it is the perfect reward for independent playtime. If it's a snowy day and we don't have plans, I'll sometimes let them watch a longer movie; if we have plans or I want them to play outside, it will be a quick ten minutes of some nursery rhymes (our favorite nursery rhyme show is Little Baby Bums).

How to Yolo When Parenting Solo

by Emily Parker

My husband has an extremely flexible job that allows for him to be home for the majority of our children's big events and allows our family the ability to travel together throughout the year. He is the breadwinner of our home and works hard to provide for us. For all of this, I'm so thankful! However, with this amazing job also comes a decent amount of travel. Every couple of weeks he may be gone for a night or two on a work trip. I grew up with my father traveling for months at a time, so my husband missing out on a handful of nights a month isn't a big deal to me from the perspective of him missing out on family time. I know that he's home majority of the time and is playing an active, hands on role in our children's' lives.

Those days away though? Can be TOUGH on Mama. I know that my "solo parenting time" is nothing in comparison to the single moms out there who do it daily. Or the military wives who do it for long lengths of time while simultaneously worrying about the safety of their husbands. I am in no way saying what I deal with those few nights a month is even close to what these ladies deal with (and my solo parenting times make me have an even deeper appreciation for those mamas!) but they are still times that aren't the "norm" for me and are often tough to get through. I'm used to my husband being home. Being hands on. Being my partner in all areas and aspects of parenting and household managing. It's my norm. And when he travels that norm is disrupted.

We have four children and our oldest is almost nine. My husband has been traveling for work since before our oldest was even born, yet it has taken me years to finally have a solid system down. I've come to be well-adjusted to the times of travel and have even come to enjoy them on a level too! Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? Sometimes we all need a break and breather!

Here are my tips for making the most of those times of solo parenting responsibility:

Feel Safe

Feeling safe is crucial. A big part of my issues when my husband would travel were that I didn't feel safe. I know my husband will protect our family in the unlikely event of an intruder situation. I always felt scared that an intruder would break in while he was away and that I wouldn't be able to protect my babies or myself.

We invested in am awesome alarm system that I set each night. We have a small dog that barks like crazy. I have a gun (in a safe!) by the bed. I keep lights on. I do all of the tips and tricks to help keep intruders disinterested in our home. Putting all of those safety precautions in place has allowed ME to feel safer when he's away!

Get Rest

A big thing when my husband is away is that I don't sleep as well. I think it's just missing him beside me plus that combined fear issue that causes me not to sleep as deeply as I normally would when he's home. Rest is crucial. It allows us to function at our best and you have to be on your a-game when you're solo parenting!

Make sure to keep the kids on their schedules. And keep yourself on one too! I'll admit that it's EASY to binge watch a favorite show or get caught up browsing social media when my husband is away. Our evenings are usually our together time and when he's gone I get a big extra dose of ME time and what mother doesn't long for more of that? It's EASY to glance at the clock and realize it's 1 AM. I have to put a conscious effort into going to bed early so I'm able to get the full rest I need.

Plan Ahead

Planning ahead is so important. I know when my husband is gone that certain tasks are harder to accomplish. I plan for those and try to knock things out in advance when possible.

I am my best self when my kitchen is clean so I will give that area a good cleaning before he leaves. I like to make sure I have easy to cook meals for myself and the kids planned out. I arrange their bath nights to minimize the evenings where they need baths while he's gone (bath duty usually belongs to him!). Figure out what areas will be the toughest without his help and knock them out together before he hits the road!

Maintain Routine

Children thrive best on routine...and so do adults. We are "schedule people" so I make sure to keep my kids on their regular schedules as much as possible when Daddy is away. I make sure they keep their bedtimes and nap times and meal times pretty close to the normal times.

By keeping the kids on their regular schedules, they are less likely to have an negative reactions to their dad being away. Of course they miss him and it can be hard not having him there, but it can also just be "business as usual" when their daily routine stays in tack.

Keep in Touch

Maintaining as much communication as possible with your husband while he's away will ensure a smoother transition when he gets back home. I have the kids call him to fill him in on news ("I lost my tooth!" or "I got an A on that test!") and try to FaceTime as much as we can in the evenings.

Throughout the day we make sure to text often and keep each other in the loop on everything we're each experiencing. Absence can make the heart grow fonder and sharing that you miss each other can make that reuniting time even more special. However, absence can also easily create distance. It's easy to get in a new routine that doesn't include your husband and that can make it tougher when he comes back home. By trying to keep a constant flow of communication it makes it feel like he's not really so far away at all!

Yolo

All of these things have helped me to personally survive while my husband is away. But the thing that took me from survival to thriving? When I decided to "YOLO" when I'm solo.

I realized that so often the job of "mom" means the "boring parent." I'm the one that keeps us on our schedule. I'm the one that reminds to get things done. Pushes the chores. The homework. The healthy eating.

When my husband is away? That's a PRIME TIME to let my fun side SHINE.

Rather than get frazzled while he's gone. Rather than feeling over-worked with my plate over-filled and my patience level at a minimum...I try to let it all GO and just ENJOY!

While it's a huge blessing to have a husband who is so hands on and involved in all aspects of our kids' lives...it also means our kids are pretty much always around both parents. They are used to my husband and I talking to each other about "adult things" while they sit there listening. They are used to sharing their time and attention with us both. Hearing both of our opinions on things. Getting both of our feedbacks. Having both of us discipline. Both of us weigh in on everything.

When my husband is away it's a great chance for my children to connect with me. Get to know who I am as a person. It's a great time to let loose a bit and show them my fun side. My silly side. My go with the flow abilities. They can get my individual perspective on things and an opportunity for one on one time with just me!

Here are a few of the ways I use the times while my husband is away to have FUN:

An outing: I take all of the kids somewhere. Anywhere. Even just to Publix or Target. Anytime you go somewhere with four small kids and have it be a success it just feels like a HUGE WIN and you instantly feel so great about yourself!
Kids Nights: Many restaurants have kids eat free (or cheap) nights and many include fun crafts or activities. Kids love getting to eat out...and makes solo nights easier without worrying about dinner
Treats for dinner: Speaking of dinner...my very first "yolo when solo" idea actually came about when I had a craving for ice cream and decided we'd all just go get some ice cream for dinner that night. My kids thought I was both crazy and super awesome and it was a fun memory we'll never forget!
Movie night in bed: We don't co-sleep so the kids aren't used to spending time in Mommy's bed but curling up all together to watch a movie before bed is SO fun and something they LOVE doing!
Being flexible: Getting to stay up a little later, skipping a nap, eating dinner in the living room while having a picnic dinner. Even the littlest change in the normal routine can feel special
Crafts: My husband isn't a "craft guy" so it's not something we really do as a family but when he's away it's a great time for us to work on our scrapbooks or making cards for family members
Bubble Baths: We don't do bubble baths often but when we do they are a HUGE hit. I've found that a fun bubble bath can give Mommy a solid 20 min or so of peace and quiet too ;) Win-Win
Special Traditions: If your husband travels decently frequently maybe it's a good opportunity for a tradition. My husband actually has the tradition with my kids to make homemade pizza and watch a movie whenever I'm out of town on a girl's trip or something. Rather than being sad about Mommy being gone, they look forward to that pizza (who knew I was so easily replaced? ha!)
Individual Time: Something we've started doing is solo Mommy time where I have a set amount of time to spend with each child doing whatever they'd like to do. If my husband is gone for several nights we'll do one kid each night. If it's just for one night we will do 20-30 min each child. This is not only fun, but it allows me to learn so much about each child! What they enjoy and how they best connect.

It's never easy parenting alone. It's hard when your husband is away. The kids miss him. I miss him. Our natural routine is thrown a bit off balance. But I firmly believe by feeling safe, planning ahead, getting good sleep, maintaining routine, keeping in touch and having some yolo thrown in that a tough time period where I'd normally struggle can be one where I truly thrive!

Emily loves bargain hunting, is passionate about keepin' it real, and considers Disney World her happy place. She's the mother of four (Kye, Britt, Tess and Spear) and blogs at The Journey of Parenthood.

How To Implement Babywise In Older Kids

by Natasha Coombs

While I'm a big fan of babywise, for the most part I've had to implement it's principles on much older children. Five of the seven kids we fostered over the past few years were not infants. These kids come from homes with no structure, routine, or stability. Children typically thrive in routine so when they come to us, that's what we try to give them. We like to be predictable for kids that have hardly had a predictable moment to create a sense of security.

How To Implement Babywise In Older Kids | Babywise | Starting Babywise late | #babywise

Consistent Routine

When we first get a placement, we pretty much hunker down for the first month or so. Every single day looks basically the same - get up, get ready, eat breakfast, go to school, come home, nap, play, dinner, read, bed - or something along those lines. We try not to stray from this routine for a bit so that life is extremely predictable for them in order to ease anxiety and create a sense of felt safety. If the routine is going to change - for example, a doctor's appointment or even a play date - then we talk about for a few days beforehand and prepare them for the change in routine.

Have a Set Wake Up Time

A key to getting a child on a good schedule is wake up time. When you wake up at the same time each morning your body naturally gets accustomed to waking up at that time and it becomes routine - which is the goal. A set wake up time is the cornerstone of your day. You can plan the rest of your day because you know exactly when everyone will be up and at 'em. Plus, this provides a basis for the rest of your routine.

If a child is waking up earlier than your set wake up time, don't let them start their day on their own and watch cartoons or run around the house. We have our kids stay in bed until it's time to get up. Some people allow their children to get out of bed and play quietly when they wake up. Either option is fine depending on the age of the child and what kind of boundaries your child needs.

Have a Set Bedtime

If you have a foster child it is likely they may have not had a set bedtime. Sleep is so important for a child's brain development. How much sleep is needed per night depends on the child's age, but I think it's safe to say that most kids need 10-12 hours of sleep per night. So set bedtime to be 10-12 hours after the child's wake time.

Along with a bedtime should come a consistent bedtime routine. This will help your child wind down for the night and get mentally and physically prepared for bedtime. Some bedtime routines include bath time, reading, and singing, which are all good wind down activities.

Have Set Mealtimes

Having set mealtimes is important for a few reasons. First, it breaks up the day and gives a child at least three different reference points for how the day is progressing. Children don't usually process a day in terms of time; they use events, such as waking up, going to bed, going to school and breakfast, lunch, and dinner. So for a child who hasn't had much of a routine, mealtimes provide a lot of structure because they happen multiple times in a day.

Another reason mealtimes are so important is to create felt safety. If a child consistently eats at the same time each day, he will come to expect to be fed and not wonder when his next meal is. This can be a big trigger for some foster kids who weren't consistently fed or had to go without food for several days at a time. Having a set mealtime provides felt safety in this area.

Structured Playtime

Instead of letting the child play freely all the time, try to incorporate some structured playtime. You can do this by implementing independent playtime/room time, bringing a bin of specific toys in the living room for the child to play with, and doing activities or games with the child. Structured play is another way to contribute to the routine of your day.

School and Social Activities

I think pre-school programs and other social activities such as extracurricular activities and playdates are so good for kids, especially those who have not had a lot of exposure in those areas. School can provide some much-needed structure and social interaction for children who haven't had that before. Extracurriculars and playdates are good opportunities for children to be taught social niceties. Adding these things into your routine after you've got the basics down can be very beneficial. Just be sure to give children a heads up before adding something like this in, especially if it's not an everyday thing.

Conclusion

Once you've got the basics down, then you can start adding other things in and being more open with your days. Remember to make the schedule work for you, not the other way around. The schedule is there to help you and to help your kids.

If you have older kids and have decided to implement Babywise, it's not too late! Start with these basics and soon enough you'll have yourself a schedule.

Natasha is a work-at-home lawyer and mama to 4 kids acquired through adoption and IVF - Laurel (7), Bennett (5), Christopher (2), and Everly (8 months). She blogs at Let's Be Brave.