Being Thankful for Our Problems

As we start this month of November, many of us find ourselves desiring to turn our hearts toward gratitude. In the month of November, I see posts from a myriad of friends who are posting on Facebook something each day they have to be thankful for as they approach Thanksgiving. With Thanksgiving approaching, it is a natural time of year to focus there. As we do so, we often focus on being thankful for what we have. We look for the bright spots in our lives. We find the good. We find the things we can be thankful for midst the difficulties of mortality.

There is certainly merit to being grateful for what we have. I have kept a gratitude journal at various times in life and it is beneficial to focus on and see the many things we have to be thankful for in life. We count our blessings and we are able to be happier because our focus is on what is good in life. It shifts our perspective.

What if we take it up a notch.

What if we are grateful not just for the good, but find ways to be grateful for the difficulties.

Hmmm...

Many of us can look back on difficulties with our now perfect hindsight and say, "Wow, I really see the hand of the Lord in my life during that time and I am grateful for what I learned through that." How many of us are able to take that one step further and be grateful for the difficulty even in the moment we are living it? Right as it is happening. How many of us are grateful now rather than waiting for the time we can look back in hindsight?

I believe this is indeed taking ourselves a level higher. To be grateful for the trial during the trial definitely takes a very faithful person. This takes a person of maturity. This takes a person who trusts that the Lord has gotten her through the difficulties in the past and will do so again.

I recently heard a talk from a church leader titled "Grateful in Any Circumstances." This talk quite frankly blew my mind in reference to thinking about gratitude. He talked about the merit of being thankful for things, but added, "...I don't believe the Lord expects us to be less thankful in times of trial than in times of abundance and ease." He suggested developing an attitude of gratitude where we can be grateful no matter what our circumstance. Perhaps the best scriptural example we have of this attitude is Job, who was grateful when he had an abundance and was grateful when he had nothing.

Life is hard, right? When we wait for the difficulty to pass before finding the parts to be grateful for, we lose so much joy. We spend so much time trying to survive the pain rather than trusting the pain will strengthen us. What if we were able to be grateful in those painful moments?

Almost a year after my third child, McKenna, was born, my body went crazy. I had a two month long period. Not fun, ladies. I stopped ovulating and was diagnosed with PCOS. We assumed it must be a sign from the Lord that we were done having children, though it hurt my soul. I prayed every day from McKenna's birth on to know if I should have more children or not. I waited impatiently for an answer to a question I felt was a very pure question worthy of an answer.

During that time, I read a talk that said to be grateful for the difficult trials in life and the times the Lord didn't answer your prayer immediately because those were times that would make you grow immensely. I took the speaker at his word and let go of the stressing. A year after that, I ovulated for the first time. A month later, I got pregnant with my fourth child. McKenna was a little more than 2.5 years old. As I look back, I see how much I grew, and I am grateful for that learning experience. I also see the wisdom in being grateful even during the difficulty. How much life I spent worrying and consumed with wanting to know the future! For 2.5 years, a good portion of my focus was spent agonizing over whether or not I would have another child.

Despite experiences such as these in life, it doesn't mean that I am at a place where I face great challenge with perfect faith. Last month, I took Brayden (now 9) to the doctor. He had a tumor behind his ear. Over the course of the month, he had appointments and finally removal of the tumor. It was then sent to pathology and we waited.

Oh how it hurt me! I am sure you can imagine how hard I fasted and prayed for the tumor to be benign. I worked hard to keep my brain at bay. I tried to stop myself from traveling down the "what-if" path. I like to be prepared for things, but preparing for how I would possibly handle my child having cancer was not something I could let myself do unless I needed to. Comments would break my heart. Kaitlyn said one day, "It is so great having a brother!" after he had done some very kind things for her. My immediate thought was, "She might not have a brother! And if he dies, Brinley won't even remember him!"

Through this, I knew I wanted to write this post. I had already heard and read the talks I mentioned above. I tried to think of how I would manage to be grateful for the difficulty during this great time of trial if it came. That is what I did to prepare myself. I worked to have the faith necessary to face it with gratitude.

I am happy to say that we learned on Halloween at 5 PM that Brayden's tumor is benign! 

Several months ago, I read the book The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom. This is really a must read. Really. This book is an excellent read for helping your figure out what being grateful even in difficulties looks like. This book is a true story about a Dutch family during World War II. The ten Boom family is full of shining examples of people who loved others and showed gratitude even amongst the worst of circumstances--including being in an extermination camp during World War II. Corrie's sister, Betsie, at one point tells Corrie they need to pray in gratitude for their circumstances shortly after they arrived to Ravensbruck. This camp was the largest for women during World War II and a vast majority of the women sent there died. Betsie told her sister they even needed to pray in gratitude for the fleas. Corrie protested that she would not be grateful for the fleas that infested their bunks, but Betsie insisted and did. Later, they discovered that their bunks were a safe place from guards because the guards did not want to go near the fleas. In the end, the fleas were indeed something to be grateful for! This book is full of great examples like this that show real life examples of people being grateful even in their extreme difficulties. 

I encourage you to seek this skill of being grateful even during difficulties. I am not encouraging you to bury or hide emotions. I believe emotions are part of this life and need to be experienced. However, I also believe that we can develop an attitude that is grateful even during emotionally turbulent times. I also believe that it is a skill that needs to be developed--not one you can just say, "Okay, I will do it" and it will happen, but rather something you decide to do but need to spend time cultivating. This desire of your heart will be tested. Recognize the good that has happened in your life so you can have faith looking forward and looking at your moment. Find examples of what it looks like to be grateful even during difficult times. Work to develop this trait in your own life, and you will see the beauty of life even during the bitterest of times. You can get there.

• Be Thankful for Everything We Do Have
• Gratitude
• Our Favorite Attitude...
• Quotable Mondays: Gratitude
• Teaching Gratitude

Allow Grief to Be Felt

As we face the difficulties of life, I think we tend to think we need to face them without emotion. We have led ourselves and each other to believe that if we are sad about something bad happening, it means we lack faith. We unwittingly pass this mentatlity on to each other as we say things like, "At least he is in a better place now" or "You know you will see her again" to each other. These comments are meant to console those grieving, but it carries the message that with the proper perspective, there is nothing to be sad about.

We need to allow ourselves and each other to grieve. 

I don't just mean for the extreme situations in life. Not just very hard illnesses or death. No. Any sort of grief we encounter in life should be dealt with--and I mean felt.

Grief hurts, but it can be the salve that helps us heal when it is allowed to do its work appropriately. The first step in handling grief is to recognize that the pain is a normal part of the process. It needs to be acknowledged, not avoided. Steven Eastmond

As I approach the anniversary of my baby Braxston's death, this is the message I wanted to share this year. 

Do you know what is very normal? To be upset when something bad or sad happens. It is normal to feel the emotions that come with it. I got thinking, the experiences we go through are what shape us into the people we become. If we suppress the feelings associated with these experiences, then we suppress the growth we can experience when we allow ourselves to go through the grieving process.

I decided to do some searching on this idea. I found some gems that say things better than I.

 I have learned that grief is the price we pay for loving someone—and that the price is worth it.   Steven Eastmond

At first, I felt that my grief meant I lacked faith. But with time, I understood that grief was a normal, healthy response to my son’s illness. In God’s plan for me, grief was a refining fire that transformed my love for others, my perspective on life’s challenges, and my faith in Heavenly Father. ASHLEY ISAACSON WOOLLEY

Elder Lance B. Wickman, an emeritus member of the Seventy, explained: “Grief is the natural by-product of love. One cannot selflessly love another person and not grieve at his suffering or eventual death. The only way to avoid the grief would be to not experience the love; and it is love that gives life its richness and meaning

When I turned to the scriptures for comfort, I learned that grief is a godlike attribute that goes hand in hand with love. Jesus grieved alongside Mary and Martha at Lazarus’s death (see John 11:33–36). Isaiah said that the Savior would be “a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3). God wept as He spoke to Enoch about the wickedness of the world and judgments to come on His beloved children ASHLEY ISAACSON WOOLLEY

 In my observation, grief can change our nature if we let it turn us to the Savior. ASHLEY ISAACSON WOOLLEY

And grieving over my old expectations for my son’s life allowed me to let go of them, freeing me to see my son as a beautiful child of God with an eternal destiny, regardless of the imperfections in his physical body. ASHLEY ISAACSON WOOLLEY

No matter your challenge in life, do not try to suffocate the grief you feel over it in fear that it shows a weakness in your faith. Allow that grief to be felt and you will be able to learn from the experience what you need to. As you grieve, continue to pray and to stay close to the Lord. But it is okay to feel sad and to feel whatever emotions you are feeling with grief.

Related Posts/Blog Labels:

• Miscarriage/Stillbirth: http://www.babywisemom.com/2010/03/miscarriage-and-stillbirth.html
• Baby Braxston
• Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day
• Traditions for Lost Child's Birthday

• Not Less Painful--Just Better At Handling It

Building Faithful Testimony in Children

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One of the scariest realizations you come to as a parent trying to raise your children to live the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the fact that your child might some day turn from it all. My children and your children all have the ability to choose what to in life, and despite our best efforts, they might reject it. This is simultaneously the greatest and scariest gift the Lord has given us all--free will.

I bet most if not all of us know someone who has strayed despite coming from a strong home. The whole thing is a very real reality. This of course has had me thinking, how can I best raise my children to want to choose to follow the gospel? As I was recently studying, I came across a great talk that gave me some direction.

I was raised in a home where my parents didn't go to church. I went on my own. I also, therefore, did my gospel studying primarily alone. I got some at church each week, but most of it was at home on my own. As hard as it was, it was also a great blessing because I grew to have my own testimony. It was mine. I wasn't leaning on anyone but the Lord for my faith. I have often wondered how I can allow my children to have that same experience while providing them with the home and family support and benefits I can give.

I believe if my children gain a strong and powerful personal testimony of their own, they have a better chance of sticking with their faith throughout their lives. I read The Power of a Personal Testimony by Dieter F. Uchtdorf that gave some great ideas for how to build a personal testimony. He said that the process of gaining a testimony is based on the law of harvest "For whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap" (Galations 6:7). So with real effort, our testimonies will be real and strong. Here are the steps Uchtdorf suggests for building a strong testimony:

1-Desire to Believe

I think as parents, this is completely in our favor. Children are trusting and believing. They are also highly emulating. Your child wants to be like you. If you believe, your child will want to, also. The desire will be there. Be sure you are as good of an example as you can be so your child doesn't grow to view the gospel as a hypocritical thing. You will make mistakes and that is perfectly normal--apologize when you do. Make amends when you do. 

2-Search the Scriptures

Uchtdorf says, "...through diligent study of the word of God, the good seed "will begin to swell within your breasts" if you will not resist with unbelief. This good seed will "enlarge [your] sould" and "enlighten [your] understanding (Alma 32:28)."

So we need to create situations where our children study the scriptures. That is one reason we have daily family scripture study. That is one reason I make sure my children see me study the scriptures daily (back to them wanting to be like me). 

There are two other things I can think of to do. One is to answer your child's questions with the scriptures. When your child asks you a question, even when you know the answer and can quote a scripture, say to your child, "Let's see what the scriptures say about that." Show your child how to seek answers to questions in the scriptures. This will teach your child where the knowledge comes from. You are awesome, but the knowledge isn't from you! It is from the Lord. Your child will learn to turn to the Lord with questions.

I also have my children who can read do personal scripture study each morning before they leave for school. I am trying to establish that habit now so that it will become as normal a part of their lives as brushing their teeth each morning. When we read the scriptures, we are then able to recall what we have read. We cannot remember something that was never in our minds to begin with.

3-Do the Will of God; Keep the Commandments

To gain a testimony of something, we have to live it. This goes back to being a good example. And this is a big part of our job as parents in these young years. We are teaching our children how to live right. We teach them to do what is right even when it is hard. Kaitlyn recently wrote on the neighbor's shed. When we found out, I walked her over to apologize to the neighbor and ask what she could do to make up for it. The neighbor didn't mind, but is a mother herself so she came up with a job for Kaitlyn did to make amends for her mistake. Kaitlyn was not happy about going to the neighbor and telling her what she had done, but I hope it was a lesson to her in the importance of keeping the commandments, including the commandment of making things right when we make mistakes and the commandment to be honest.

4-Ponder, Fast, and Pray

We need to pray for our testimonies. As parents, we should pray for our children. We should encourage our children to pray for themselves. We should encourage our children to think about the things they learn, seek answers to questions that arise, and pray to know if what they are learning is true.

I hope these ideas are helpful to you as you try to raise your child in the gospel. I obviously haven't been able to put these things to the full test, and the reality is my children will all have the freedom to accept or reject the gospel in the end. But I hope that I will be able to look back at the years I was given to teach them and know I did all I could do to help them come unto Christ. 

Quotable Mondays: Faith to Try

Happy Civil Rights Day--or Martin Luther King Jr. Day-- to you!

Today's quote is:

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. 

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

This quote is definitely applicable in any case in life. It is very applicable in parenting. We take many first steps that are full of faith. Even the decision to become a parent is a step of faith. I also like this idea in line with the idea that "progress is a spiral." With our children, we are taking steps up this winding staircase. We don't see the entire staircase and we don't even always see our progress, but we have faith that we are moving in the right direction.

What have you don't recently that required faith?

Want to join the fun? Share your thoughts on the quote either here in the comments or on your own blog and link up in the comments. 

You can find quotes I love here: http://pinterest.com/valplowman/quotes/