What To Do When Your Child is Scared of the Dark

We all have fears. Even we adults, who are rational and experienced people, have fears. Sometimes we adults have fear of the dark. When my husband is out of town, suddenly my dark house seems very scary! If I, as an adult, can be scared sometimes, it isn't surprising that children are also at times scared of the dark.

Fears can be a normal part of development. As children get older and have imaginations, they can be scared of the dark. As you approach the situation when your child is afraid of the dark, try to remain patient and understanding. Remember that sometimes you are afraid of the unknown also and also that fear is a normal thing. Here are some ways to help your child when she is scared of the dark.

Turn on Nightlights

I am a BIG proponent of sleeping with darkness as much as possible. It helps your body go into deeper sleep, so I don't like there to be light in the room as much as possible. However, if I have a child who is scared of the dark, I will put a nightlight in the room. I recently did that with Brinley when she had a couple of scary dreams. After a few weeks with the nightlight, I took it out and she has been fine. So don't be afraid that once you add a nightlight in, you can't ever take it back out o the room. We use these simple night lights (affiliate link). They aren't too bright, so they aren't as disruptive to sleep as other nightlights we have tried.

Offer Comfort Items

Your child might feel better with a stuffed animal, a lovie, or a photo by her bedside. My kids love to sleep with a picture of Jesus on their nightstand. You might also put a picture of the family or a favorite pet. A comfort item can help  your child to calm down and pull from the rational side of her brain.

Say a Prayer

Prayer is very comforting and helpful. Say a prayer together that she will be able to feel comforted and secure.

Offer Assurance

Assure your child that your home is safe. You don't want to make a big show checking for scary things and then act relieved there is nothing scary. That seems sweet, but it can communicate to your child that she has a legitimate reason to be afraid. Ask her what she is afraid of and show her there isn't anything scary there. Afraid of what is under the bed? Look under there together to see that there is nothing scary there. 

As you offer assurance, don't belittle or criticize your child for having fears. "I know the dark seems scary to you. What makes you feel afraid? Oh, the closet? Let's check the closet together to see if there is anything scary there." 

Remove Triggers

So much can be so scary to your little child. You may find many shows aimed at entertaining children can really trigger fears in them. The conflict that was added to the show in order to make it more entertaining can be fear-inducing. In the dark, you can't see, and so if your mind turns to remembering those scary things you saw on television that day, it can make the dark even scarier. Be mindful of what you let your children watch and for how long they are watching things each day.

It isn't just television that can scare children. A book can be scary. An interaction in real life can be

scary. You screaming when you saw a spider can be scary.

You might also find a fear of the dark pops up when there is another big stress in life. The fear of the dark is just the way your child is manifesting her stress and anxiety. Is there is a big change happening at school, church, or home? New sibling? Mom pregnant? New job? Moving? New teacher? Help her work through the real fears to avoid a fear of dark creeping up. 

If your child is scared of shadows, playing shadow puppet games will help her understand shadows better so they seem less scary at bed time.

Empower Your Child

Give your child things to do when she is feeling scared. "When you feel scared of the dark, think about this happy thing. Hum your favorite song. Think of the story to your favorite book." Distracting your brain from the fear is helpful. You can also allow your child to look at a book until she feels ready to go to sleep. 

Give your child some actionable steps she can take to help her face the dark. "Don't be afraid" is not actionable. "When you feel afraid, do _____________." is actionable. 

Look at the Routine

If your bedtime routine isn't soothing enough, it can exaggerate her fear. If your child is going to bed too late, she will be less rational and more likely to succumb to irrational fears. 

Conclusion

As you help your child find ways to face her fear of the dark, be mindful about starting habits. Some things, like nightlights, are easy enough to use for a bit and then take away once her fear has eased up. Other things, like stuffed animals, are harmless enough to introduce into your child's life. Be sure anything you do start will be okay to continue on for an extended time.

This week, the ladies of the BFBN will all be talking about fears. Here is the schedule.

• Monday: Valerie from Chronicles of a Babywise Mom - What To Do When Your Child is Scared of the Dark
• Tuesday: Katrina from Mama's Organized Chaos - How to Ease Your Toddler's Fears
• Tuesday: Natasha from Let's Be Brave - 9 Ways to Teach Kids Bravery
• Wednesday: Christine from Christine Keys - 3 Powerful Ways To Conquer Your Toddler's Irrational Fears
• Wednesday: Carrie from Wiley Adventures - Fears at Bedtime
• Thursday: Kimberly from Team Cartwright - Real vs. Fake Fears: How to Distinguish Between the Two
• Friday: Caitlin from Rogers Party of 5 - Fear of Transitions
• Friday: Emily from Journey of Parenthood - How to Help Prevent Childhood Fears

Poll Discussion Post: Nightmares

Nightmares can be hard to handle because you just don't know what is leading to them, what your child is feeling, or how to handle it. Let's discuss how you helped your child through nightmares and what you found led to nightmares.

Please take a moment to answer the questions below. Doing so will help other parents now and in the future. It is very helpful for me when compiling answers if you at least number the answers you give. You can also copy the questions and answer them. If the question does not apply to you, simply put "N/A."

1-What age did your child start to have nightmares? 

2-How often were the nightmares?

3-What factors do you think helped cause the nightmare (if any)?

4-What did you do to help your child through the nightmare phase?

5-What did you to do help avoid future nightmares?

6-Any tips or comments?

What To Do When Your Child Has a Nightmare

"Mommy, will you pray for me to not have any scary dreams tonight?" Sometimes it feels like all we can do as parents when it comes to nightmares and night terrors is pray. They seem very much out of our control. While I do not in any way discount the power of prayer, there are other things we can also do to set our children up for sweet dreams instead of scary dreams. 

We have all had nightmares and know how unsettling they can be. We want to do everything we can to help our children work through the fear and get back to sleeping well. Here are some ideas on how to help your child to stop having nightmares.

1-Make Sure Your Child Has Health Sleep Habits

A huge key to avoiding nightmares is to have a regular sleep schedule. Have a regular bedtime that is early enough for your child. Get your child up at the same time each day. These sleep habits you worked so hard to establish are still helpful and vital in the toddler, preschool, and child ages. 

In these healthy sleep habits, have a regular sleep routine. Find what is calming for our child. Is a bath at night good? Have snuggle time and a bedtime story. Help your child wind down. 

See: 

Preschoolers and Bedtime, Consistent Bedtime, Bedtime, Strategies for Making Bedtime Smoother

2-Make Sure Your Child is not Too Hot or Too Cold

When Brayden was a toddler, he started having some bad dreams. This was during the summer and I had a fan in the room blowing to help keep things cooled down. My husband had a lot of bad dreams as a child, and remembered that when he was hot or had air blowing right on him, he would have bad dreams. We needed to keep it cooled, but also  not air blowing on him. So we faced the fan away from him. So analyze the temperature of the room. 

3-Do Not Allow Your Child To Watch or Read Scary Things

And judge scary by what is scary to your child. My husband was once terrified of the movie The Wizard of Oz. Just because you don't see it as scary doesn't mean your child won't see it as scary. 

4-Watch For Patterns

When your child has a nightmare, take note of the previous day's events. What time was bedtime? Is your child getting enough sleep? What was the temperature like? Did your child have some sort of stress or trauma the day before? Was there a new situation? Did your child watch something scary the day before?

Our brain processes life while we sleep. During REM sleep, your brain categorizes what it learned that day. I personally find that when I am stressed out, I have bad dreams about my stress point that night. 

You also want to watch for patterns on what and when your child ate close to bedtime. The food and you eat can impact how you sleep, and if you aren't sleeping well, it can lead to nightmares. 

5-Encourage Your Child To Talk About the Dream

When my child has a bad dream, I hold them close and have them tell me about it. This helps them process and get it all out. I don't belabor it. I don't force them if they don't want to say anything. I ask if they want to tell me about it and listen when they describe the dream. You may find it helpful to talk about it more in the daytime when things are bright. I don't brush it off and tell them it was just a dream. I do reassure them it wasn't real, it was only a dream, but I empathize without it made them feel. Hey, I have woken up angry at my husband enough times because of a dream I had the night before. I know those post-dream emotions are real.

6-Empathize With Your Child

I let my children know that I don't like it when I have a bad dream, either. I let them know that I have bad dreams sometimes too, it isn't fun, but I am okay. 

7-Find Ways To Empower Your Child

My children love to have a picture of Jesus right by their bed to help them feel safe when they are scared. They love stuffed animals. Brinley recently had a couple of weeks where we had to line her head with stuffed animals at night to help protect her brain from bad dreams. 

Sometimes a night light can help your child feel less scared. I don't like night lights in the room regularly, but I will put one in during times of need. 

Some parents find success in mixing up some glitter and water, or just water, in a squirt bottle and spraying the bed and room to send those bad dreams away.

Teach your child to think of happy things. What nice songs could she sing? What fun memories could she think about? What future event could she look forward to? The mind is a powerful thing, and if you can get it on the side of "We are okay to go to sleep," it is a huge step in the right direction.

My children turn to prayer, also. 

8-Be Wary of New Habits

I don't want to discourage you from comforting your child in any way after a bad dream. Just always be mindful that anything you do after a bad dream might need to be done every day until you break the habit. When we did the stuffed animals around the head for Brinley, we had to do that for a couple of weeks. We were able to wean off of it after some time. Just be willing to continue anything you do long-term or at least for a few weeks AND be willing to work to break that habit if you don't want it around forever. 

Conclusion

Your child will most likely have some bad dreams here and there throughout childhood. When it happens, it is normal for your child to be scared and nervous to face sleep again. These tips can help you set your child up to avoid nightmares as much as possible, help your child through the nightmare when it happens, and be able to face those nightmares and conquer them after the fact. 

Related Posts:

Brinley Child Summary: 5 Years and 2 Months Old

This is a summary for Brinley from 5 years 1 month to 5 years 2 months old.

SLEEP

I commented last time about Brinley's night with bad dreams. Brinley woke up with nightmares. She had a few in one night. Whenever my kids have bad dreams, I encourage them to talk about them. I read long, long ago that it is good for them to talk about the dream. So the next morning, she told me all about the bad dream. That night, she was afraid to go to sleep because she didn't want to have the bad dream again. 

Thus far in her life, she has slept without most of the potential sleep crutches that can come along. She has never sucked on anything. She has a favorite blanket to sleep with, but she can sleep without it. She will even pack it the night before we leave and choose not to sleep with it so we don't forget it the next day. She was swaddled as a baby, and she has always had a sound machine to help block out the noises of the household. But never a night light. 

That night, she was genuinely scared. A hard thing with dreams is I can't promise she won't have another scary dream. At all. I won't promise that to her because odds are that she will have a bad dream again. 

She is pretty logical, and Brayden and I are both very logical. So we both chatted with her about her concerns that night. In the end, we plugged in a night light. Many years ago, we bought a bunch of these night lights (affiliate link). I like these because they aren't too bright. I also like that they can be pointed in various directions, so I can make it so they don't shine right at the child. I point them at the floor. These are also automatic, so they turn on when it is dark and off when it is light. I didn't love using a night light when she has made it five years without one, but at the same time, she really was scared and this helped her feel more secure. So it is in her room now.

We also set up her stuffed animals to watch over her. A big thing with bad dreams is to help the child feel more secure. Some people create a "bad dream spray" and spritz it around the room. Prayers are wonderful. You want to set the child up to feel secure and powerful over her sleep. These stuffed animals watching over her helped her feel more safe and secure.

EATING
Eating is great! She is eating well and eating a nice variety of foods.

KINDERGARTEN
Kindergarten is going very well so far. Despite my being confident she was ready for Kindergarten as a young child in the grade (see Why We Chose To Send Our Daughter to Kindergarten On Time), I couldn't help but worry. All those posts on the Internet are all around talking about how you must keep your child back...it makes you second guess and question yourself, no matter how sure you felt. It makes you question if you really have your child's best interest at heart, because what good parent wouldn't give their child every advantage they could create?

As I wrote in the post, I don't feel that is the best way to parent at my core, however. I think there should be challenge in life. I think it makes us stronger as people. Real life is FULL of challenges. We seem to only get brief respite from difficulties in life, then we are thrown right back in. If I make life easy for my children, then how will they develop the skills to face adult life issues?

Still, I worried.

She is doing so well in every way. She loves school. The week before school starts, they test every kindergartner to see where they are academically going into the year. Brinley tested as 92% against ALL of the kindergartners in the ENTIRE DISTRICT. That was just such a strong relief to me. It verified what I felt to be true--that even though she is young in the grade, she is ready to be there. She is not struggling at all with any of the learning at all. Despite being young, she is way above average for the average child in kindergarten. Keeping her back would not have been the best move for her.

She is doing well socially, also. She has made a lot of friends. Her teacher tells me that she never sees Brinley without a large group of children around her and that she is a social butterfly. She is still thrilled every day to go to school. She is loving learning. She is doing very well at listening and following directions. She is able to sit still. It is all such a relief!

We do have Kindertude. It doesn't seem as strong to me as my other kids were, but that could be in large part because she is my fourth child and I just know very well to expect it and also have a lot of experience in responding to it. I am better at stopping it in its tracks than I was a couple of kids ago.

EXTRA CURRICULARS
Brinley has either started or will soon start the following activities:

• Swimming lessons: She is still doing great with swimming lessons! She loves it.
• Gymnastics: I shared last time that at Brinley's first gymnastics class, she was terrified of the balance beam. She has a literal fear of the beam. After her first class, her coach said she wasn't sure Brinley would be able to continue in the class because of that fear, but was willing to work with her and see. Nate and I talked with Brinley extensively about it. I had no problem letting Brinley stop gymnastics if her fear was too much for it. I looked into tumbling class options so she could get some of the benefits. But Brinley was determined to work through her fear. And she has! She gets up on the beam by herself. She is super scared, but does it anyway. She told me she doesn't want to be afraid of heights and she tells her body not to be. I am super impressed with this girl. I am blown away that she will face a fear like that and work through it as a five year old. Children really are amazing. 
• Dance: Brinley has been loving dance! She is with the same studio and same teacher she has always had. 
• Piano: Brinley loves piano. Her teacher commented that she was surprised by how much Brinley enjoys it. As Brinley has started these new activities this fall, I have come to realize Brinley is the type of person who is willing to work on a skill to get better at it. She is a perfectionist, but one who is willing to work. That is how Kaitlyn is, too, and it is such a beneficial quality in life. It is something that is just her, but it is a skill you can teach other kids. That isn't the way Brayden is naturally, but through experiences in life, he has learned that practice does pay off and things do take practice. 

SCHEDULE

7:30 AM--wake up, get read, eat, practice piano if time

9:00 AM--school

12:30 PM--home and eat lunch. Homework. Practice piano if we didn't have time. Then she can watch two shows and has independent playtime if desired. Two days a week she has her extra curricular activities. I scheduled her stuff during the other kids' school day so we didn't have our family time so interrupted. 

4:00 PM--Siblings home. Sibling play and family time. 

5:00 PM--Dinner in this hour

7:30 PM--Bedtime process begins.

8:30 PM--in bed by 8-8:30.

Related posts:

• Kindertude

• Why We Chose To Send Our Daughter to Kindergarten On Time

• Brinley Summary: 5 Years Old!

• Brinley Summary: 5 Years and 1 Month Old!
• Child Summary--5 Years Old
• Child Summary--5.25 Years Old
• Kaitlyn Summary: 5 Years Old
• Kaitlyn Summary: 5.25 Years Old
• McKenna Child Summary: 5 Years Old
• McKenna Child Summary: 5.25 Years Old

NIGHTMARES IN KIDS: Causes and Solutions {Guest Post}

Holly Easterby adores her family and wants to help fellow moms like her take care of this treasure. This is what she loves to write about on blogs like Bonza Brats. In this article, she explains the causes of kids’ nightmares and what to do about them.

Babies have dreams, both good and bad ones. While most of them may have a few bad dreams, these nightmares seem to happen more during their preschool years. At this point in the life of a parent, it might help to learn more about the causes of kids having nightmares and how to deal with them.

When Nightmares Happen

Nightmares usually happen at that certain point in your sleep when the brain is at the peak of its activity, when it is going through the day’s experiences and new learning and memories. This is also the time when the images captured during the day remain vivid enough that they might feel real and trigger certain emotions.

This is called the REM (rapid eye movement) stage, which manifest in the rapid movement of the eyes under the eyelids. Nightmares usually occur during the second portion of your sleep because it’s when REM intervals are stretched out than the previous periods.

In the case of kids having nightmares, the images tend to stay longer and more alive in their minds, hence the need to feel comforted.

When they are in preschool, you can explain to them that nightmares aren't real and that whatever happened to them in there won’t hurt them. But one thing you need to remember when dealing kids with nightmares is that knowing this fact isn't enough to stop them from being scared. Older kids may even feel scared, too.

What Causes Nightmares

No studies have firmly established the cause of nightmare in kids. But as observed, extreme tiredness, not enough sleep, stress or anxiety, and irregular sleeping habits may lead to experiencing nightmares.

Nightmares, like dreams, may be one of the ways kids deal with different feelings and thoughts about their experiences and worries.

They may happen for no apparent reason. But for some, they could be troubling kids who are dealing with unsettling situations, such as moving, family problems, going to a new school, or welcoming a new member of the family. Their confused emotions over these things may manifest in their dreams.
In some cases, the cause of nightmare in kids is trauma. It could be an accident, injury, or natural disaster. Having a creative imagination doesn't help these cases either, as the scary movies, books, or TV shows the kids watch may trouble their dreams, causing nightmares.

Kids at a certain age often share a single theme in their dreams, depending on what they are struggling with at their age. It could be about separation anxiety, independence, or aggression. These emotions translate to the characters often recurring in their nightmares, such as bad guys, monsters, imaginary creatures, animals, or even familiar faces, events, and places.

There are also kids who end up with nightmares due to psychological and genetic factors. According to a study, about 7% of kids with nightmares have family members who are also troubled with nightmares. This is also a common occurrence among kids who are dealing with depression, mental retardation, and other conditions that involve the brain.

How to Comfort a Child after a Nightmare

As a parent, you have to adapt to dealing kids with nightmares. Help your child calm down and make him feel safe in your arms after waking up. You have to boost your child’s sense of security after a nightmare.

Give more reassurance to your child by showing him that he only had a nightmare, but he’s awake now and everything is going to be fine. It’s important to make him feel that what he dreamt about won’t happen in real life.

Show your child that you understand what he went through. Tell him that everyone has nightmares and that it’s normal for people with bad dreams to feel scared.

To further assure your child that the monsters or any of the bad guys in his dream have disappeared, check under his bed. Open his closet. Go to the bathroom. Show him that the coast is clear and that he has nothing to be afraid of anymore.

It might help if you install a nightlight in your kids’ room to counteract his fear of the dark.
Lull your kid back to sleep. You could cover him with a warm blanket, let him hug his favorite toy, turn soft music on, or switch the nightlight on. You may also want to tell him about pleasant dreams to motivate him to go to sleep and distract him from his nightmare. Make sure to kiss him good night once more.

The most important thing for a parent to do when dealing kids with nightmares is to listen. Let him get over his fears by talking about it. They might even want to draw it to full express themselves and to help them feel like those monsters at night are powerless in the daylight.

How to Prevent Nightmares

A child’s active imagination may be partly responsible for these nightmares. Don’t feed it, so stop your child from watching scary TV shows or movies or reading frightening books. Ask him about how his day was and if anything stressful has happened to him, which might trigger a nightmare. Help your child develop a healthy sleeping habit. Be more sensitive to your child if there are major changes in your life, such as moving house, getting into a new school, or welcoming a new sibling. If recurring nightmares happen, let your child express it by talking, writing, drawing or acting. This might help them feel braver about conquering their fears. If nightmares have become one of your kids’ persistent sleep problems, it might be best to consult a doctor about it.

Author: Holly Easterby


Holly's love for children has seen her featured in many education and children websites, whether talking about healthy snacks, motivating students or children's fashion at Bonza Brats. Holly loves reading books, and shopping is her way of spending time with her young family. If you would like to catch her, you can via Google+ or Twitter: @HollyEasterby

How to Help Preschoolers Work Through Their Fears

Children get scared. It happens and it is natural. Adults get scared! Think of yourself. Do you ever get scared? I get scared at night when my husband is not home. I am a very logical and rational person, and I try to control my imagination and talk myself down, but it still happens! If a logical, rational adult can get scared, then you know an imaginative little child new to this world can get scared.

Many of the fears your child has will seem silly to you. It will be irrational. You child might be afraid of monsters. Well, you know there is no such thing as monsters, but your child doesn't. The only reality that matters here is the reality your child sees.

Now, knowing your child can't control the fear is great, but it doesn't make dealing with the fear any more enjoyable. Your preschooler might suddenly be scared of going to bed at night and will take you back to your babyhood days. Many times, you have another baby in the house, so dealing with it all can be overwhelming.

When your child has fears, this is not a time to return to cry it out. You first want to try to discover what is causing the fear in your child. You then want to manage fears. You then want to try to minimize fears by using that imagination to your advantage. This post contains affiliate links.

SOURCE OF FEARS
On Becoming Preschoolwise has a list of common fears (pages 193-195):

• Natural Fears: There are certain fears that are present in most people. A fear of some animal (spiders, dogs, snakes, etc.). A fear of strangers, a fear of being left alone, a fear of the dark, etc. Some of these natural fears can be compounded by the reaction of parents. When I think of my children in this situation, I think of bugs. I am scared of spiders. I just am. Throughout Brayden's life, there have been many times that I have reacted strongly to a spider. As a result, Brayden is scared of spiders. I hope his wife isn't! Recognizing this, I was very careful with Kaitlyn. She has more of a natural fear of bugs than Brayden. I have been careful to show no reaction and my husband has worked with both children to not be scared of bugs. More about that below.
• Fear of Unfamiliar: This can be a person, event, situation, activity, etc. Children have no way of assessing if their fear is founded or not. If they are scared, they are scared. Brayden has this fear tied to trampolines. He is just scared of getting on the trampoline because he has little to no experience with it. Even after playing with neighbors with a trampoline and watching them jump on it for months, he is still scared and will not get on it with anyone else.
• Imagination: The imagination can naturally create fear in your child. Monsters, ghosts, etc. There are many things your child's imagination can create.
• False Beliefs: Some fears develop out of bad experiences. Brayden has gone to the dentist since he was one. He has never been scared. Last January, he had surgery on his thumb. It was at the hospital. He was very brave, but the experience scared him. Interestingly, he has no fear with the doctor still, but is terrified of the dentist. He worries about the "blue curtain" again. I think having to lay down and open his mouth makes him feel vulnerable. Because of this fear Brayden now has of the dentist, Kaitlyn is now scared at the dentist, too. False beliefs can be from the child's own experience, or from the fears of friends, parents, siblings, or other people close to the child.
• Parental Anxiety: Parents can instill fear in their child with constant warnings "be careful..." "that dog might bite you..." "if you climb a tree, you will break your leg..." I think this situation is very common with an oldest child parent and their oldest child. Most oldest children are very cautious. If you are an oldest child, be careful about how you warn your oldest child. I have had to be very careful with Brayden. With Kaitlyn, however, my warnings are never enough to scare her :). She is fearless in many ways. Preschoolwise points out that this is a problem for constant warnings. Sometimes, you definitely need to warn your children. But you should have to be constantly warning your child.
• Television: This is my own addition. Brayden had a period when he was really scared at night for bed. After analyzing the situation, my husband and I felt like the television was largely to blame. Brayden doesn't watch anything drastic. He is only allowed movies rated G--and not all G movies are fair game. He only watches PBS kids on TV. But television coupled with the budding imagination can create some wild things.

MANAGING/MINIMIZING FEARS
Some fears can be managed. Some fears just need time for your child's reasoning ability to catch up and overcome it. Others need education. Some might need all three. Here are more ideas (pages 195-198):
What Not To Do:

• Pressure: Don't force your preschooler to "face his fears."
• Mock: Don't ridicule your preschooler for being scared. Laughing at him or telling him he is a baby isn't going to make him less scared.
• Dictate: Don't command him to not be scared.
• Dismiss: My addition. Don't simply say, "there is no such thing as monsters" and brush your child off.

What To Do:

• Compassion: Show love and empathy.
• Educate: Knowledge is power. The more you know about something, the less scared you will be of it. I remember when I went through my birth education class before Brayden was born. There were certain things I didn't want to know and I did not want to touch. I definitely didn't want to see that epidural needle! But the more exposure I had to it, the less scared I became. When the actual birth came, none of it scared me (of course, I might have done anything to get that baby out!). For certain fears your child has, you can educate him. Is he scared of puppies? If so, teach him about puppies. Why are they so bouncy? Is he being playful or mean? Can the snake get out of the cage? What is the science behind thunder? I find education very powerful with Brayden who has a very logical personality.
• Introduce: Let your child get acquainted with fears. You can role play, spend time with, or show by example. I have hoped that Brayden would get over his fear of the dentist, and while he has improved, I have decided some role-play will help. I let him be the dentist on me and I will be the dentist on him.
• Exposure: This is my addition and along the same lines as introduce and educate. My husband did a great job of exposing my children to bugs. He would catch a bug and hold it and have my children gather around. He would then tell them about the parts of a bug and encourage them to touch it. I would do the same (I am so brave!). Brayden is no longer scared of bugs and Kaitlyn could once again play outside in the summer :)
• Removal: Remove things you find create fear in your child. If TV makes it worse, stop watching TV for a while. Limit the TV and closely monitor the shows watched.
• Substitution: Teach your child to have courage. Encourage your child to be brave. Instead of saying, "don't be scared" say, "Be brave!"
• Prevention: I am amazed at how much better children handle things when they have fair warning. Remember that your child hasn't been around as long as you have. He doesn't know what to expect. If you are going to a fireworks show, tell him they will be bright and loud. Just saying "we are going to see fireworks" doesn't tell your child what to expect unless he has done it before.
• Non-conflict Training: This is my addition. I will talk to Brayden and tell him monsters aren't real, but I do it in the day when he is not scared. He knows they aren't real. He accepts that. That doesn't mean he never gets scared. It is like me :) He knows it is irrational, but the emotion is still present. Even Kaitlyn has caught on to this idea. Today she told me "there is no such thing as owies?" She had an owie but was trying to talk herself out of it. She doesn't grasp the concept here, but she is working at it :) It is funny what younger siblings glean.
• Pray: My addition. This is our best thing to do when Brayden is scared. We say a prayer. I like to have Brayden say the prayer. I will ask him, "Do you believe Heavenly Father can protect you? Do you believe he can help you feel safe?" he tells me yes, then he prays. It is a sincere prayer and warms my heart to see him exercising such faith.

IMAGINATION
This is my addition. This is an opportunity to use that imagination to your advantage. I think this needs to be used wisely. Some of these things I would never use on Brayden. He is so logical and accepting of reality that some of these things would only perpetuate his fear.

• Monster Repellent: Many of you may have heard of the idea to get a squirt bottle and spray it around the room, calling it monster repellent. I know some people put glitter in the water. Some decorate the outside of the bottle. This is something I wouldn't use on Brayden. For him, this would tell him monsters are real and he needs repellent to keep them away.
• Special Item: You might be able to find an item that will make your child feel brave. My husband gave Brayden his recorder (a musical instrument) and told him it would help protect him. Brayden slept with that thing for months!
• Animals: Whenever Brayden gets scared, then best imagination thing for us to do is set his stuffed animals up around his bed to watch over him.
• Protect: It can be good to say, "I know you are scared, but our job is to protect you. We will make sure nothing happens to you. That is our job."

NIGHT MARES/NIGHT TERRORS
Night mares and night terrors happen in the night some time. For night mares, we always go to Brayden, hug him, and stay with him until he falls asleep again. Sometimes his logic takes over and he feels fine and says, "Why are you still here?" so we leave :). Other times, he falls asleep as we rub his back.

For night terrors, there isn't really anything you can do. We go to him, but he is still asleep (though it seems like he is awake). He will be in my arms screaming, "I want Mama!" You just have to wait for it to pass. He usually goes right to sleep when it is over with not problem. We have found that night terrors are more common if he is overly tired. They are also more common if he is too hot or too cold, or if he has air blowing directly on him (like from a room fan).

LOOKING AHEADIf your child has yet to experience fears, you might be wondering when this will happen. Brayden first started getting night terrors around age two. His fears before bed happened a few months before he turned three, right around the time his imagination really took off.
Brayden has always been my logical child, and he isn't extremely imaginative. Kaitlyn's was using her imagination in full force before she turned two, so I fully expected her to have lots of nightmares. She is 2.5 and has yet to have a nightmare (knock on wood!).
My husband is very imaginative and had lots of nightmares. I am logical and really only had them when I had fevers. There is no way to know for sure if/when your child will have them. Just be prepared to be patient, loving, understanding, and kind when it does happen.

RELATED POSTS/BLOG LABELS:

• Preschoolwise
• Imagination (label)
• Imagination (post)