What to Do When Your Baby is Not Sleeping Through the Night

What to Do When Your Babywise Baby is Not Sleeping Through the Night

If you knew exactly when your baby would sleep through the night, you could be patient. If you knew in two weeks you would reach that magical day, you could persevere. The unknown is hard. The unknown can be soul-crushing. The unknown can make you very impatient. You don't know if you are on the right path and you just need a glimmer of hope!

You want baby sleeping through the night and you want it to happen now. 

When your baby is not sleeping through the night, you cannot solve the night wakings without figuring out why baby is waking up. Baby is not waking at night for no reason. Figuring out the why can take time and often takes experimenting, but you cannot get your baby to sleep through the night without fixing the "why" for the waking. Your first step will be figure out why, then you will fix the why. Here is a list of whys and how to address each one.

A word on addressing issues. You need to think scientific method here. You cannot take this entire list and address it all tonight. Change one thing at a time and see if that fixes it. If so, great. If not, try the next thing.

What to Do When Your Baby is Not Sleeping Through the Night

Have Patience

The first thing to do is to have patience. I get a lot of frustrated questions about 7 or 8 week olds who are not sleeping through the night. It is fully in the range of normal to be that age and not sleeping through the night, even when you use On Becoming Babywise (affiliate). It is fully normal even until 12 weeks old. 

So your first step in the process of figuring out why your baby is not sleeping through the night is figure out of if you just need more patience. I know you are tired! I know you are anxious not knowing when that magical night will come. You still have to be patient.

Analyze Feedings

When your baby gets up in the night, how does he eat? Does he eat well for the feeding in the night? 

If he eats well, how does he eat for the very first feeding of the day? If your baby eats well in the night and eats well for the first feeding of the day, your baby legitimately needs to eat in the night. Do not despair! There are things you can try if that is the case. You can add a dreamfeed if you do not have one so your baby can get an extra feeding in before your night time. You can try cluster feeding in the evening to squeeze in an extra feeding. You can also try feeding more often all day long to fit in an extra feed during daytime hours and hope baby then won't need a night feeding. For example, if you are feeding every 3-3.5 hours during the day, you can feed every 2.5 hours and work an extra feeding into the daytime.  

Those things won't always work, however, and you might need to just be patient until baby no longer needs that night feeding.

If your baby does not eat well for the first feeding of the day, then your baby probably does not need to eat at night. In this case, you can work to eliminate the night feeding and see what happens. You can cut the feeding all together, or you can slowly cut back the amount of time spent eating or total amount eaten if you are feeding with a bottle. 

Always keep in mind that growth spurts happen, so a baby who was not hungry in the night last week might be hungry in the night this week. Always be sure you feed extra for growth spurts during the daytime hours to avoid more night feedings from needing to happen.

Consider Sickness 

A sick baby will not sleep well at night. If your baby has a cold or any other sort of sickness, expect sleep to not be as solid as it would be otherwise. Once baby is done with the sickness, you can move on to try to get baby sleeping through the night, but during a sickness is not the time to fight that battle. 

Consider Pain

A baby in pain will not sleep well. Your baby might have gas pain or reflux pain going on, preventing baby from being able to sleep well and sleep solid through the night. If your baby is old, baby might be teething, causing pain. 

If you think your baby might be in pain, try remedying the pain and see how sleep goes. If it is reflux, talk to your baby's doctor about ways to help relieve the pain. Keep in mind that most reflux medication dosages are based on weight, so as your baby gets bigger, it is highly possible she will suddenly stop sleeping as well because her reflux meds are no longer enough and her pain is back.

If you suspect your baby has gas pain, try giving gas drops through the day each day. You also want to be sure you are burping thoroughly. 

If your baby is waking up from teething pain, you can give some pain meds before bedtime to help with the pain and hope it won't wake baby up at night.

Consider Habit

Some babies start out waking up for a legitimate reason, like hunger. Then they just get used to waking up at that time each day and each night and continue to do it. 

If it is habit, baby will literally wake up and just about the exact same minute each night. Baby can wake up at the same time and be hungry, so you can't assume it is habit just because it is consistent. 

If you think it might be habit, you can test it by helping baby fall back asleep without feeding baby. If baby wakes up an hour later (at the next sleep transition), you can safely assume baby really is hungry. If baby sleeps longer than an hour before waking again, there is a good chance it is habit. 

If you figure out that it definitely is habit, there are a few options before you. You can help baby fall back asleep and hope baby learns to sleep through and not wake from habit. You can try doing a wake to sleep from the Baby Whisperer. You can wait ten minutes before going in to see if baby will just resettle and go to sleep. You can also do cry it out. 

Consider Comfort

Is your baby uncomfortable in any way? When your baby transitions between sleep cycles, discomfort can lead your baby to wake up rather than drift into the next stage of sleep. A diaper being too wet or poopy can wake your baby. The room being too hot or too cold can wake your baby (see also this post on optimal temperature for sleep). Your baby not being dressed in the optimal way can make it so baby doesn't sleep well. The swaddle, or lack thereof, can wake your baby.

If your baby is uncomfortable in any way, change things up until you find the right temperature, diaper size, swaddle type, etc. for your baby to sleep well. 

Keep a Consistent Morning Waketime

I can't stress the importance of a consistent morning waketime enough. I know you are tired. I know you want to sleep in and just let baby sleep, especially if baby is waking in the early morning hours (or late hours of the night). 

You can sleep if you really want to, but know you will most likely delay baby sleeping through the night if you do so. Consistency with your first feeding of the day is the single most underrated tool for getting baby to sleep through the night. 

If your baby is waking a little too early in the morning, see this post for help.

Analyze Bedtime

Timing is key for good sleep. Timing for bedtime is important just like it is for naptime. I aim for bedtime to happen about 12 hours before I want baby waking up each morning. Keep bedtime consistent. 

If you think bedtime might be off, experiment with different bedtimes. Keep a log of what time bedtime happens so you can track if a certain time works better than another. 

Analyze Dreamfeed Time

The dreamfeed should happen between 10-11 PM for most babies. Some babies are quite sensitive and need the dreamfeed just so or they won't sleep well. I would say most babies are not hyper sensitive to the dreamfeed timing, but some are. My fourth child was so sensitive that she had a five minute window that worked. If I fed her outside of that window, she would not sleep well that night. Experiment with the timing for your dreamfeed. Go in five minute increments in case your baby is sensitive about it.

Analyze Overall Daytime Sleep

Your baby might not sleep well if daytime sleep is either too much or too little. If it is too little, your baby will be overly tired, and sleep begets sleep, so baby may not be well-rested enough to sleep well. If your baby has too many naps for her age, you might need to drop or shorten a nap to get daytime sleep in the right spot for night sleep to go well. Read my post on the Best Ages for Dropping Baby's Naps to know if it might be time for a nap change. 

Analyze Sleep Props and Self-Soothing Ability

If your baby has a sleep prop, the prop might be leading to baby waking in the night. If baby relies on a prop to fall asleep, then when he transitions at night, if the prop isn't there, he will likely wake instead of falling back asleep. It is not uncommon for babies who sleep with pacifiers to have a period of time when sleep is disrupted. At that point, parents decide between getting rid of the pacifier or pushing through. Sleep props are not always bad. Read more on when sleep props are okay and when you should avoid them. 

Another sleep prop is the inability to fall sleep independently. If your baby can't fall asleep alone, in other words, has no self-soothing ability, then baby likely will wake up in the night and need help falling back asleep. You might need to do some sleep training to get your baby to sleep through the night. One of my favorite methods for no-cry sleep training is the Four S's. If your baby is a newborn, this can work very well. 

Conclusion

Hang in there! Your baby will sleep through the night at some point. It might just happen, but you might need to put in some effort with doing some experimenting and figuring it out. Babywise is great and helpful, but even among the Babywise babies, there is a normal range that is quite large in Baby Standard Time. Even if you are baby wise, there are always outliers and extenuating circumstances, as listed above, that can interfere with night sleep happening when you hope. Go through this list. Try and see if any of them are interfering with sleep. If not, it might be time for some sleep training to get baby sleeping through the night. Your night will come. 

See Also:

• Sleep (a comprehensive list of all of the baby sleep posts on this site)
• 5-6 AM "Night" Wakings
• 10-12 Hours of Sleep
• Day/Night Confusion
• Early Morning Feedings Before Waketime
• How to Get Your Child to Sleep In Later in the Morning
• How I Got My Baby To Sleep 9 Hours by 8 Weeks Old
• Nighttime Sleep: 9-15 Weeks Old
• Nightime Sleep Issues--Revised and Updated
• Sleeping Through the Night: A Tale of Four Children
• How To Have a Good Sleeper
• 10 Reasons Your 5-8 Month Old Has Stopped Sleeping Well

How I Got My Baby To Sleep 9 Hours by 8 Weeks Old

Getting a baby to sleep through the night can be more simple than you think. It takes consistency. It takes thought and effort. It takes paying attention to details. It can require some effort on your part. It can all be done! Here is how I got my baby to sleep 9 hours at night by 8 weeks old.

1-Establish a solid routine

I started a nice, consistent routine from birth. No matter the age of your baby, work on getting a nice solid routine each day and night. You don't want to turn rigid and not allow for flexibility (growth spurts and sicknesses happen), but you wan to be as consistent as is reasonable. Have regular feeding intervals. Have some playtime after each feeding. Have regular naps. Many of the following tips will delve further into this overarching concept of having a solid routine.

2-Wake baby up at the same time each morning

This is the hard one to do when you have a young baby. Decide on a reasonable morning wake up time and get baby up at that time each day. Stick to a 30 minute window. I don't mean 30 minutes on either side. 30 minutes total. If you are aiming for a 7 AM wake up time, your 30 minute window might be 6:30-7:00. It could be 6:45-7:15 or 7:00-7:30...choose a 30 minute window to go with your wake up time.

I get my babies up at the exact same time every morning. I only tap into that window when I MUST. While I am waiting for baby to sleep through the night and establishing this consistency, I am as consistent as possible. Do not underestimate the importance of this step.

I know it is hard some mornings. Baby is sleeping and you want to let baby sleep in so you can, too. I promise it pays off.

3-Do bedtime at the same time each night.

Just as you have morning wake-up time at the same time each morning, have your bedtime the same time each evening. Again, allow the 30 minute window as needed. Days can vary, and it can make bedtime a tricky thing to keep consistent. Stick to this 30 minute window. If your day got way off and you ended up feeding baby at 5 PM instead of 4:30 PM and usually do bedtime at 7:30 PM, stick to your same evening feeding and bedtime. 

4-Have a dreamfeed

Not all babies do well with a dreamfeed, but it is very helpful for most. A dreamfeed helps your baby get enough food in the "day" to not need another feeding at night. If your baby is hungry at night, your baby won't sleep through the night. So a dreamfeed is a nice insurance plan to help your baby make it longer through the night. The dreamfeed can be harder than it sounds. Some babies are super sensitive to the exact time of the dreamfeed. It isn't always easy to implement, either. If you can get it going and figure out the right timing of it, a dreamfeed is invaluable. Read more:

• Dreamfeed FAQs
• Dream Feed and Babywise

5-Teach baby to self-soothe

All night long, your baby will be having sleep transitions. If anything pulls baby from a transition into alertness, if baby can't self-soothe, baby will need you to help her fall back asleep. Self-soothing is an important skill for a baby to make it through the night without a visit from you. My favorite self-soothing method is the 4 S's. See also:

• How to Use the Extinction Method for Sleep Training
  
• Cry It Out Bootcamp

6-Do an eat/wake/sleep pattern each day

A key element to both the Babywise method and the Baby Whisperer method is to feed baby, have baby play, then have nap time. This method works for a few reasons. One is that you are being mindful about making sure baby has some time awake consistently throughout each day. Baby gets those awake hours during daylight hours, not nighttime hours.

This method also helps ensure baby eats well at each feeding. You aren't feeding baby to sleep, so you are working to keep baby awake to eat. If you feed your baby to sleep and she falls asleep after 2 ounces, but she really ideally would be getting 4, she will have gotten 2 fewer ounces that feeding. Those ounces need to be consumed at some point. If that doesn't happen during daylight, it will happen at night time.

This pattern also helps you make sure your baby has regular and consistent naps. A great paradox of babies is they they do not sleep better if they are deprived of sleep. They sleep worse. The better rested your baby is throughout the day, the better she will sleep in the night. Babies need a LOT of sleep. They need several naps each day (the exact number depends on the age). 

7-Problem solve

If you are doing the first 6 things I listed above and baby is not sleeping through the night, the final step is to problem solve. The trick is to figure out why baby is waking in the night. Once you know why, you can know what to do about it. 

Baby might not be sleeping through the night because she is still hungry at night. If that is the case, you need to see if getting more food in during the day is possible. It might not be yet. A tummy can only hold so much at a time. Feeding more often might help add another feeding in the day. Cluster feeding might help. Sometimes, you have to just wait hunger out.

Baby might be hot or cold, making it difficult to sleep through those transitions. Baby might have reflux or gas pain. Baby migiht not like having a wet diaper. I have a whole post with common reasons why baby wakes in the night and what to do about it. Check that out to help problem solve.  It is very helpful to take notes as you problem solve. It helps you track the details. 

These seven steps will help you get your baby sleeping through the night. Take note that a baby needs to be old enough to sleep through the night consistently. Babies under 5 weeks should typically eat at least every 5 hours through the night. By 7 weeks old, baby can be up to 7-8 hours between feedings if baby can handle that. Some babies can't go very long between night feedings for a while. Be patient with your individual baby's needs. 

See also:

What To Do When Your Child is Scared of the Dark

We all have fears. Even we adults, who are rational and experienced people, have fears. Sometimes we adults have fear of the dark. When my husband is out of town, suddenly my dark house seems very scary! If I, as an adult, can be scared sometimes, it isn't surprising that children are also at times scared of the dark.

Fears can be a normal part of development. As children get older and have imaginations, they can be scared of the dark. As you approach the situation when your child is afraid of the dark, try to remain patient and understanding. Remember that sometimes you are afraid of the unknown also and also that fear is a normal thing. Here are some ways to help your child when she is scared of the dark.

Turn on Nightlights

I am a BIG proponent of sleeping with darkness as much as possible. It helps your body go into deeper sleep, so I don't like there to be light in the room as much as possible. However, if I have a child who is scared of the dark, I will put a nightlight in the room. I recently did that with Brinley when she had a couple of scary dreams. After a few weeks with the nightlight, I took it out and she has been fine. So don't be afraid that once you add a nightlight in, you can't ever take it back out o the room. We use these simple night lights (affiliate link). They aren't too bright, so they aren't as disruptive to sleep as other nightlights we have tried.

Offer Comfort Items

Your child might feel better with a stuffed animal, a lovie, or a photo by her bedside. My kids love to sleep with a picture of Jesus on their nightstand. You might also put a picture of the family or a favorite pet. A comfort item can help  your child to calm down and pull from the rational side of her brain.

Say a Prayer

Prayer is very comforting and helpful. Say a prayer together that she will be able to feel comforted and secure.

Offer Assurance

Assure your child that your home is safe. You don't want to make a big show checking for scary things and then act relieved there is nothing scary. That seems sweet, but it can communicate to your child that she has a legitimate reason to be afraid. Ask her what she is afraid of and show her there isn't anything scary there. Afraid of what is under the bed? Look under there together to see that there is nothing scary there. 

As you offer assurance, don't belittle or criticize your child for having fears. "I know the dark seems scary to you. What makes you feel afraid? Oh, the closet? Let's check the closet together to see if there is anything scary there." 

Remove Triggers

So much can be so scary to your little child. You may find many shows aimed at entertaining children can really trigger fears in them. The conflict that was added to the show in order to make it more entertaining can be fear-inducing. In the dark, you can't see, and so if your mind turns to remembering those scary things you saw on television that day, it can make the dark even scarier. Be mindful of what you let your children watch and for how long they are watching things each day.

It isn't just television that can scare children. A book can be scary. An interaction in real life can be

scary. You screaming when you saw a spider can be scary.

You might also find a fear of the dark pops up when there is another big stress in life. The fear of the dark is just the way your child is manifesting her stress and anxiety. Is there is a big change happening at school, church, or home? New sibling? Mom pregnant? New job? Moving? New teacher? Help her work through the real fears to avoid a fear of dark creeping up. 

If your child is scared of shadows, playing shadow puppet games will help her understand shadows better so they seem less scary at bed time.

Empower Your Child

Give your child things to do when she is feeling scared. "When you feel scared of the dark, think about this happy thing. Hum your favorite song. Think of the story to your favorite book." Distracting your brain from the fear is helpful. You can also allow your child to look at a book until she feels ready to go to sleep. 

Give your child some actionable steps she can take to help her face the dark. "Don't be afraid" is not actionable. "When you feel afraid, do _____________." is actionable. 

Look at the Routine

If your bedtime routine isn't soothing enough, it can exaggerate her fear. If your child is going to bed too late, she will be less rational and more likely to succumb to irrational fears. 

Conclusion

As you help your child find ways to face her fear of the dark, be mindful about starting habits. Some things, like nightlights, are easy enough to use for a bit and then take away once her fear has eased up. Other things, like stuffed animals, are harmless enough to introduce into your child's life. Be sure anything you do start will be okay to continue on for an extended time.

This week, the ladies of the BFBN will all be talking about fears. Here is the schedule.

• Monday: Valerie from Chronicles of a Babywise Mom - What To Do When Your Child is Scared of the Dark
• Tuesday: Katrina from Mama's Organized Chaos - How to Ease Your Toddler's Fears
• Tuesday: Natasha from Let's Be Brave - 9 Ways to Teach Kids Bravery
• Wednesday: Christine from Christine Keys - 3 Powerful Ways To Conquer Your Toddler's Irrational Fears
• Wednesday: Carrie from Wiley Adventures - Fears at Bedtime
• Thursday: Kimberly from Team Cartwright - Real vs. Fake Fears: How to Distinguish Between the Two
• Friday: Caitlin from Rogers Party of 5 - Fear of Transitions
• Friday: Emily from Journey of Parenthood - How to Help Prevent Childhood Fears

What To Do When Your Child Has a Nightmare

"Mommy, will you pray for me to not have any scary dreams tonight?" Sometimes it feels like all we can do as parents when it comes to nightmares and night terrors is pray. They seem very much out of our control. While I do not in any way discount the power of prayer, there are other things we can also do to set our children up for sweet dreams instead of scary dreams. 

We have all had nightmares and know how unsettling they can be. We want to do everything we can to help our children work through the fear and get back to sleeping well. Here are some ideas on how to help your child to stop having nightmares.

1-Make Sure Your Child Has Health Sleep Habits

A huge key to avoiding nightmares is to have a regular sleep schedule. Have a regular bedtime that is early enough for your child. Get your child up at the same time each day. These sleep habits you worked so hard to establish are still helpful and vital in the toddler, preschool, and child ages. 

In these healthy sleep habits, have a regular sleep routine. Find what is calming for our child. Is a bath at night good? Have snuggle time and a bedtime story. Help your child wind down. 

See: 

Preschoolers and Bedtime, Consistent Bedtime, Bedtime, Strategies for Making Bedtime Smoother

2-Make Sure Your Child is not Too Hot or Too Cold

When Brayden was a toddler, he started having some bad dreams. This was during the summer and I had a fan in the room blowing to help keep things cooled down. My husband had a lot of bad dreams as a child, and remembered that when he was hot or had air blowing right on him, he would have bad dreams. We needed to keep it cooled, but also  not air blowing on him. So we faced the fan away from him. So analyze the temperature of the room. 

3-Do Not Allow Your Child To Watch or Read Scary Things

And judge scary by what is scary to your child. My husband was once terrified of the movie The Wizard of Oz. Just because you don't see it as scary doesn't mean your child won't see it as scary. 

4-Watch For Patterns

When your child has a nightmare, take note of the previous day's events. What time was bedtime? Is your child getting enough sleep? What was the temperature like? Did your child have some sort of stress or trauma the day before? Was there a new situation? Did your child watch something scary the day before?

Our brain processes life while we sleep. During REM sleep, your brain categorizes what it learned that day. I personally find that when I am stressed out, I have bad dreams about my stress point that night. 

You also want to watch for patterns on what and when your child ate close to bedtime. The food and you eat can impact how you sleep, and if you aren't sleeping well, it can lead to nightmares. 

5-Encourage Your Child To Talk About the Dream

When my child has a bad dream, I hold them close and have them tell me about it. This helps them process and get it all out. I don't belabor it. I don't force them if they don't want to say anything. I ask if they want to tell me about it and listen when they describe the dream. You may find it helpful to talk about it more in the daytime when things are bright. I don't brush it off and tell them it was just a dream. I do reassure them it wasn't real, it was only a dream, but I empathize without it made them feel. Hey, I have woken up angry at my husband enough times because of a dream I had the night before. I know those post-dream emotions are real.

6-Empathize With Your Child

I let my children know that I don't like it when I have a bad dream, either. I let them know that I have bad dreams sometimes too, it isn't fun, but I am okay. 

7-Find Ways To Empower Your Child

My children love to have a picture of Jesus right by their bed to help them feel safe when they are scared. They love stuffed animals. Brinley recently had a couple of weeks where we had to line her head with stuffed animals at night to help protect her brain from bad dreams. 

Sometimes a night light can help your child feel less scared. I don't like night lights in the room regularly, but I will put one in during times of need. 

Some parents find success in mixing up some glitter and water, or just water, in a squirt bottle and spraying the bed and room to send those bad dreams away.

Teach your child to think of happy things. What nice songs could she sing? What fun memories could she think about? What future event could she look forward to? The mind is a powerful thing, and if you can get it on the side of "We are okay to go to sleep," it is a huge step in the right direction.

My children turn to prayer, also. 

8-Be Wary of New Habits

I don't want to discourage you from comforting your child in any way after a bad dream. Just always be mindful that anything you do after a bad dream might need to be done every day until you break the habit. When we did the stuffed animals around the head for Brinley, we had to do that for a couple of weeks. We were able to wean off of it after some time. Just be willing to continue anything you do long-term or at least for a few weeks AND be willing to work to break that habit if you don't want it around forever. 

Conclusion

Your child will most likely have some bad dreams here and there throughout childhood. When it happens, it is normal for your child to be scared and nervous to face sleep again. These tips can help you set your child up to avoid nightmares as much as possible, help your child through the nightmare when it happens, and be able to face those nightmares and conquer them after the fact. 

Related Posts:

How to Get Your Child to Sleep In Later in the Morning

Remember the days when you didn't have to get up to take care of living creatures in the morning? When school or work drove what time you had to wake up, but that was it? You could have variability in there. Hit snooze some mornings. Sleep in on weekends.

Then came parenthood. And out went the snooze button.

Being a parent is tiring. And oh what you would give for your child to sleep just that little bit longer in the morning! How do you get there?

1. Feed At Same Time Each Morning
The first rule for getting your first morning wakeup time to a certain time is to be consistent with that time of day. You will want to be super consistent while you are establishing this wake up time. After the consistency is there, you can flex within 30 minutes on a regular basis and then flex further when needed. Just keep consistency the norm rather than the exception.

Have breakfast at the time you want your child eating breakfast. This means if you want a 7 AM wakeup time, do not be feeding breakfast each morning at 6:30.

There can, of course, be an exception to that. If you have a baby, your baby might not be able to make it to 7 AM. That is why I wrote a post for those 5-6 AM Night Wakings. Check that out for what to do.

2. DO NOT Get Child Out of Bed
Along the same line of thought, do not get your child out of bed before the time you want to consistently start your day.

I get it. You are tired.

The day will come that you will just want to get your toddler up and stick her in front of the television so you can try to sleep a little longer. Don't do it! Do not do it unless you want to do it the next day. And the next. And yet the next. And on until you finally decide that needs to go.

I know because I  have been there! Kaitlyn was a newborn. Her late night waking woke Brayden up one night (or morning, depending on who you talk to). He wasn't quite two. I was tired. He was wide awake. I had the "awesome" thought of, "I will just let him get up and watch PBS so I can sleep."

Eh. Wrong.

Not only did he not let me sleep (because what toddler wants to sit alone watching TV in the wee hours of the morning?), but he woke early the next day, too, even without the baby having woken at the same time. If TV was fun yesterday, it will be again today!

Just don't start it.

That doesn't mean you have to ignore your children. Since my mistake with Brayden, I have gone into my children's rooms in those early morning hours and said, "It isn't time to wake up yet. It is still night time." Then I have tucked them back in and left the room. Do they fall back asleep? Sometimes. Other times they just lay there until it IS time to wake up. But they don't start a new tradition of waking early each day. 

3. Slowly Shift to Get to Desired Time
When I have a child waking before the best time of day to wake up, I like to slowly shift toward the preferred time. So if baby is waking at 6 AM and you really want 7 AM instead, spend a week having baby wait to get up and be fed until 6:15. A week later, move that to 6:30. Continue to move slowly until you have it to your desired time.

4. Be Realistic in Expectations for Wakeup Time
You might have dreams of sleeping in until 8 AM each day, but dreams are not always reality.

Brayden is 11, and I can count on one hand the number of times IN HIS LIFE that he has slept until the 8 AM hour. No kidding. I think two were this past summer. So work toward a time your child can reasonably attain.

That time might shift over time. My third and fourth children shifted slowly to waking up later and later. So just because you are looking at 7 AM with a 3 month old doesn't mean it is a life sentence (though it might!).

5. Do Not Assume Later Nights Will Equal Later Mornings
Later nights do not lead a young child to later mornings. It leads them to earlier mornings. Or night wakings. It is an idea that backfires big time. Sleep Begets Sleep. A consistent bedtime is important. See Consistent Bedtime.

6. Be Sure the Environment is Set Up For Sleep
If your child's bedroom is above the garage, your husband leaves for work at 6 AM, and your child wakes at 6 AM each day, then you have a safe bet the garage is waking your child up. Be aware of environmental things that can be waking your child up. Noises? Get a sound machine. Too hot? Think of ways to get the room cooler. Too cold? Put your child in an extra layer of PJs. Be aware of the environmental factors. See my post on Optimal Sleep Temps or Dressing for Sleep for help figuring this out.

Related Posts:

• 5-6 AM "Night" Wakings
•  Sleep Begets Sleep
• Early Morning Feedings Before Waketime

Poll Discussion: Sleeping Through the Night

In our sleep deprived states as parents with newborns, we are often anxious to get back to sleeping through the night. Perhaps one of the hardest things about it is not knowing when it will happen for sure. It would be easier if we knew it would be 9 weeks, right? Then we could mentally prepare ourselves. This poll is intended to help people see what is typical, and also that there are situations that are not in the range of typical.

It is very helpful for me when compiling answers if you at least number the answers you give. You can also copy the questions and answer them. If the question does not apply to you, simply put "N/A."

1. What age did your child start sleeping 7-8 hours uninterrupted consistently?
2. What age did your child start sleeping 9-10 hours uninterrupted consistently?
3. What age did your child start sleeping 11-12 hours uninterrupted consistently?
4. Did baby sleep through the night on his/her own, or did you do something to expedite the process?
5. If yes to 4, what did you do? Was it successful?
6. If you tried cluster feeding, do you feel like it helped baby sleep through the night?
7. If you did the dreamfeed, do you feel like it helped baby sleep through the night?
8. If you did CIO at night, how many nights did it take to get to sleeping through the night?
9. What helped baby sleep through the night?
10. What hindered baby sleeping through the night?
11. Any words of wisdom or encouragement for parents hoping to have their baby sleep through the night?

Optimal Internal Temp=Optimal Sleep

To sleep "like a baby," your child needs to have her internal temp at the optimal for her temperature. How your child is dressed at night will have a strong impact on how well your child sleeps at night. If your child is too cold, your child will wake up frequently. If your child is too hot, your child will wake up frequently. Just like Goldilocks with her three bears, there is a "just right." Being too hot or cold can lead to not only poor sleep, but nightmares and night terrors. Your goal as a parent is to find what is just right for each of your children.

Some children like to be warmer than others, just like some adults like to be warmer than others when sleeping. Your child's preferences for how to be dressed for sleep at night can change with the seasons, age, weight, and probably the wind. Here are some key things to pay attention to:

• Socks: In general, when the weather is colder outside, your child will sleep better with socks on the feet. However, some people just hate sleeping with socks on. I have a sock-hating child. This child hated socks even as a newborn. I got lots of passive-aggressive comments from the older people in her life about her lack of socks (even though it was 80 plus degrees outside). If your child likes to sleep without socks, hold strong and true and ignore the back-seat parenters.
  
  In warmer weather, your child may or may not need to sleep with socks. I love to sleep with socks, but I have a couple of months a year (the hottest ones) where I need to go no socks. 
• Sleeve Length: In cooler weather, long sleeves is usually a good idea. In cooler weather, short sleeves is a good idea. If your child does not sleep with blankets, or kicks blankets off, long sleeves might be best even in warmer weather.
• Pants Length: I am sure you are seeing a trend already. In cooler weather, longer pants. In cooler weather, shorts are great. If your child sleeps with a blanket, shorts might be okay even in cooler weather. If your child does not sleep with a blanket or kicks it off, long pants might be best even in summer.
• Layers: Your child might need to sleep with layers. In colder weather, I find babies need to sleep in layers unless the room is very warm. My babies sleep with socks, a onesie, and footed pajamas or a sleep sack.

I find the main keys to a warm enough child are:

• Warm feet.
• Warm arms.
• Warm "trunk"--this is your child's belly.

There are other considerations for warmth at night:

• Blanket Use: Figure if and how many blankets to use for your child. For babies, I don't use blankets. They squirm around too much for the blanket to stay on. That is why I go for the layers as I described above. Sometime as a 2-3 year old, children usually can sleep most if not all of the night with a blanket on if needed. 
• Number of Blankets: Use your common sense here. If the room is warm, a light blanket or even just a flat sheet might be enough. If the room is cool, your child will need warmer blankets. Our children add blankets to the bed in the winter and remove those extras at some point in the spring. 
• Location of Bedroom: Different rooms in the house are warmer than others. Basement rooms are cooler than second story rooms. Rooms in older homes are usually closer to the outside temperature, especially rooms that are close to the roof. Rooms that are on the West side of the house are warmer at sunset than rooms on the East side, which are warmer in the mornings. 
• Temperature of Room: The temperature of the room at night impacts how well you sleep. Sleep experts typically range the "ideal" from about 65-75 degrees. Some take it down to 60-70 degrees. You can use fans to cool things off. You can open windows to cool things off until your child goes to sleep. You can use blinds or curtains to block the sun from making the room too hot. You can use a space heater to warm the room up before your child goes to bed. You can keep your home thermostat set at the ideal for your child. You can open or close heater vents as needed. My children sleep with doors closed for a variety of reasons (including fire safety and sound barrier). One benefit is that the temperature of the room seems to stay more constant. Closets are often cold, so if it is colder in your child's room, keep the closet door shut. 

All of these things can be applied to you and your spouse, also. These things impact sleep of everyone. It is definitely worth taking note of these things in your child and yourself for optimal sleep for everyone. 

See Also:

• Dressing Baby for Sleeping

• Can it be too hot to sleep?

• Some Like it Hot (Sleep, that is)

• Merino Sleep Sack Review

• Regulatory Sleep Systems

Various Reader Questions/Requests Part II

MOTHERHOOD QUESTIONS

• susie said... I know this may sound selfish, but did you ever feel for your child's first 2 years staying home all day was best for your child. We are on the 4 hour schedule and so going out in the evenings is a little easier. (due to only 2 naps a day). However, my daughter at 7 1/2 months is teething and not napping well. So I just feel it is best I stay home everyday, except the 2 days I work. Did you feel this way?
  April 11, 2008 5:35 AM
  Plowmanators said... yes, but I am surprised you feel selfish about that :). Most moms feel selfish for not wanting to stay home all day, not for wanting to. Doing what you think is best for your baby is in no way selfish. :)
  April 11, 2008 2:56 PM

NIGHTTIME WAKING QUESTIONS:

• momto3 said...
  I am on babywise baby #3. She is 51/2 months old and started 2 weeks ago waking again at night. Any thoughts??
  March 19, 2008 8:33 PM
  Plowmanators said...
  See this post:Nighttime Sleep Issues: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/01/nightime-sleep-issues.html Beyond those thoughts, I would wonder if she is either 1.going through 6 month growth spurt early or 2.reaching that age where they are more aware and so they awake more fully to check out their surroundings.
  March 20, 2008 11:03 AM
  momto3 said...
  I read through the blog you recommended. None of those issues seem to apply. We are going on almost 3 weeks of the nighttime waking. When she first started it, i fed her since we were traveling. But after a week and half of that, she started waking more than once. I just can not figure it out. I have tried shortening daytime waketime, adding cereal and staying close an strict with our sched. Any thoughts???
  March 22, 2008 1:02 PM
  Plowmanators said...
  Have you tried shortening daytime napping instead of waketime? At your baby's age, BW suggests shortening naptime if night wakings suddenly start for no other reason. How many naps does she have in a day? Most 5 month olds will have only 3.
  March 22, 2008 10:58 PM
  momto3 said...
  She takes 3 good naps still. The last nap ends around 5:30 or 6 and then bedtime is after her last feeding at 8:45 or 9. She then, before all this, slept till 8am.
  March 23, 2008 5:31 AM
  Plowmanators said...
  My next thought would be that perhaps you need to shorten the third nap. It is also possible that it is just a phase.
  March 24, 2008 9:37 PM
• Becca said...
  I've been trying to implement babywise strategies basically since my 10 wk baby was born. in the past 2 weeks however I feel like his night sleep has gotten worse instead of better. before, he would take 2 night feedings (and the dreamfeed) with a waketime at 7:45. he's moved up to 3 (sometimes 4!) night feedings. I don't know what happened. Our day schedule is the same...the only difference is that CIO is over and he sleeps right away. I read that by now he should be sleeping 7-8 hours at night. The best he's ever done is 5, but now it's really every 2.5 hours. He takes a full feeding each time (except possibly when he wakes up for a 4th night feeding). Any ideas on what I'm doing wrong??Thanks so much for all your input!
  June 20, 2008 1:52 PM
  Plowmanators said...
  Becca,Have you treated it like a growth spurt? There is often a growth spurt around 8 weeks. I would first do that, then see how it goes. See this post: Growth Spurts: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2007/12/growth-spurts.html
  June 23, 2008 2:31 PM
  Becca said...
  Plowmanators, Originally I did think growth spurt, but he's been taking 3-4 night feedings (not including DF) for 3 weeks now. Can growth spurts last that long? If that's what this is, it looks like we'll move straight into the 3 mo. growth spurt with no break. I was hoping things would improve by now!He does still have nights where he feeds "normally" (2x), but at this point it's pretty random. Even before all of this, the 5 hr. stretch happened maybe 2x and 4 hr stretches maybe a few times per week. Generally it was every 3 hr. I'm still waiting for those days to return. I went back and read that most naturally sttn by week 12. Looks like we're a LONG way from that! I just want to make sure I'm doing everything possible to help him make it there!Thanks for your thoughts. It's always nice to be reminded that others made it through!
  June 23, 2008 4:13 PM
  Plowmanators said...
  Becca,I once asked my doctor how long a growth spurt should last, and he said there is no way to predict. But my guess would be that if he has been given extra food for that long, it isn't a growth spurt.Are you breastfeeding? If so, I would check your supply. I don't want to make you paranoid or anything, but that is another possible reason for him to be hungry for that long. Also, do you use a pacifier? If so, that might be the reason he is waking often. He also might just need more time to improve his self-soothing. It will come. It is funny, on my end, 10 weeks just doesn't sound like a long time. But I remember when Kaitlyn was first born and thinking about how long it would be before she would possibly be sleeping through the night. It felt like an eternity!
  June 24, 2008 6:41 PM
• Becca said...
  Plowmanators, Thanks so much for your response to my last concerns (June 23rd); I did look into your suggestions and found that my milk supply is ok and we don't use a pacifier. The increased night wakings has never decreased and my lo is now 15 wks. I've been troubleshooting (temperature, diapers, cutting out last nap; dreamfeeds,...)using the info in your posts and just can't find the reason for his waking. I'm thinking he hit a growth spurt, I fed him and then we were in close quarters with relatives for 2 weeks so I just kept feeding him when he woke (even past growth spurt) so it eventually became routine for him to wake. I did discover that he really isn't hungry (but he will feed if I offer)... and could be comforted back to sleep w/o food...which I did all last week. So I decided to start CIO at night Sunday night. Problem is he wakes up 2-4 times at night and it's just so sad to hear him CIO so many times at night. I moved his dreamfeed back to 11 pm in hopes it would keep him full longer and I do feed him and put him back to bed if he wakes up past 5 am but before waketime at 7:30. In reading comments it seems most CIO at night only once per night...have you ever heard of CIO more often in the night? I know it's just day 3 and I probably should be tougher after succeeding CIO for naps, but it's no easier to listen to his cries. Generally he cries between 20 minutes to 1 hour at each waking (with me checking on him every 20 minutes). I know he's just exhausted. Di you think it's wrong for me to do CIO at each waking?? If there's any other solution I'm all ears. I know that he will benefit from better sleep though and will do what it takes. Thanks so much for your input.Becca
  July 30, 2008 5:04 PM
  Becca said...
  I just realized how long my last comment was...sorry about that I should have been more concise...we now have an additional hitch to CIO at night...rolling over. We were finally making improvement at night and now this. I think it's accidental since he never does it during the day. I can't imagine quitting CIO but feel bad that it's an additional thing to learn in the midst of CIO. I read "sleep disruptions" and figure I just have to wait it out; any additional thoughts?? Thanks so much!
  August 2, 2008 1:57 PM
  Plowmanators said...
  Becca,It sounds like a tough situation. If you want to try soothing without CIO, I would look into the Baby Whisperer. She has a method for teaching self-soothing that doesn't require CIO. IT does require a lot of effort on the part of mom/dad, though. It might be worth a shot. Until he can learn to get back over, it will be a problem . It sounds like he just needs some consistency. This were disrupted for a long time and he needs to re-learn what things are like. Good luck!
  August 3, 2008 3:30 PM

PHYSICAL MILESTONES QUESTIONS

• Christie said... I know this is unrelated to this post, but could you give me some tips to encourage my 13 month old to walk? She is not walking yet, beginning to worry...:)
  August 25, 2008 11:12 AM
  mmonfore said... Val, I hope you don't mind me offering my advice, but sometimes I can't help myself. Christie, do not worry about a 13-month-old not walking. My older son didn't walk until 14 months and my neighbor's baby was 15 months. I didn't walk until I was 18 months. 18 months is definitely on the late side, but at 13 months I wouldn't worry at all. For us it was just that he didn't realize he could stand on his own. He fell to the floor when I put him down. One day, he stayed standing and from that day on he was walking. A little light bulb went off.
  August 25, 2008 11:27 PM
  Plowmanators said... Christie, I wouldn't worry at 13 months. If you are really worried, talk to your pediatrition. My daughter didn't take her first steps until 15 months and didn't become a real walker (where she walks basically all the time) until 16 months. With my daughter, I would have practice sessions. For her it was mental. for some reason she was afraid of getting hurt even though she never had. My efforts might have helped (and the cheering definitely helped), but really it happened when she decided she was ready. August 28, 2008 9:18 PM

SCHEDULE QUESTIONS:

• Kate said...
  I have 2 schedule questions
  
  1. My daughter is still eating ever 2.5-3 hours. If she wakes up early from a nap during a normal 3 hr feeding is it okay to go ahead and feed her at 2.5 hrs or should I try to keep the same feeding schedule every day. (of course if she acts starving and can't be calmed I feed her)
  
  2. During the first half of the day she can only be awake 1 hour before she takes a nap. If she wakes early, say 12:30 instead of 1and I still feed her at 1 is it okay to lay her down before 2 or should I try to keep to the nap time on a normal day and hold her off until 2?Thanks, hope you're having a fun trip!
  April 22, 2008 12:38 PM
  Plowmanators said...
  Kate,1. It is fine for you to wait a bit after she wakes (assuming she is older than 6-8 weeks). See this post: Eat/Wake/Sleep Cycle: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/03/eatwakesleep-cycle.html You could do a combo of having her be awake for 15ish minutes after she wakes and then feeding her 15 minutes early. But yes, it is okay.
  
  2. If she can go down at normal nap time and still sleep well, then do that. If she is tired or if she doesn't nap well, put her down early. Some babies will sleep until the normal wakeup time to make up for the shortened earlier nap.
  April 23, 2008 10:50 AM
• heather said... It seems like I have seen a post before where you gave a sample of your schedule by months. I'm wondering how a day looks when you drop to two naps. Could you remind me of where to find the post on your daily schedule? Thanks!
  May 19, 2008 8:02 PM
  Plowmanators said... Here are the links Heather: Sample Schedules : http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/03/sample-schedules.html Sample Schedules: One Year and Up : http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/03/sample-schedules-one-year-and-up.html
  May 20, 2008 10:47 AM
• Jordan & Nikki said...
  We have a 10 1/2 week old & for some reason, I am really struggling to get a schedule with her. She is at the 95th percentile for weight, so very healthy. At 9 weeks she had a 3 to 3.5 hour schedule; so I pushed back to a 3 hour schedule to firm up the nighttime and remove that feeding. It worked for two nights - 8 hours of straight sleep. Then, for the last 3 days, she routinely wakes up at exactly a 1 hour nap - isn't really hungry, but is livid until I pick her up. Once I have her, she immediately calms down & is pleasant. I figured it was just a form of the 45-minute intruder & restarted her cycle. Then I questioned my milk supply (I BF); yet, there is still plenty of milk when she refuses to eat more. A few weeks from birth, I quickly found out that she needed to be asleep by 1 hour of waking. We've continued that, but now with the 1 hour naps, that puts us at a 2 hour cycle! After 3 days of a 2 hour cycle I am completely baffled...what in the world is going on?! The last thing I want is an inflexible, difficult child...so I am bound and determined to figure anything out now! Any and all suggestions would be appreciated...I've read the blog entries & evaluated our log...but maybe I'm missing something!
  June 9, 2008 2:16 PM
  Plowmanators said...
  Nikki,It might just be one of those bumps in the road that comes along. If so, push through. I will suggest some posts that I think can help in case you haven't read them:
  Naps: Troubleshooting: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2007/12/naps-troubleshooting.html
  Waking Early From Naps/Won't Fall Asleep For Naps: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/01/waking-early-from-napswont-fall-asleep.html
  Getting a Consistent Schedule: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/01/getting-consistent-schedule.html
  June 11, 2008 10:16 AM
  Jordan & Nikki said...
  Thanks for the advice. I think my problem was that when her daytime schedule seemed off, I reverted to nighttime feedings and dropped "sleeping through the night." I started it anew that night & although it was a very rough first night, the next night had only one waking & she fell asleep on her own in 10 minutes. We are now back to a normal day schedule. Consistency is the key - even when there are bumps in the road! A principle forgotten, but now doubly reinforced.
  June 11, 2008 3:58 PM
  Plowmanators said...
  I am glad you got if figured out. Consistency is key :)
  June 11, 2008 10:51 PM
• The Brace Family said... hi there! getting ready to have #2 and loved reading this our children will be almost the same apart...23 months. we have a boy and are expecting a girl on the 11th of Aug. do you have the schedule for right when you get home from the hospital for feeding? pattern? eat,wake, sleep right? what about 2nd week.thanks for this!!!
  July 25, 2008 11:03 AM
  Plowmanators said... Brace Family, Kaitlyn was in the NICU, so she was on a 3 hour schedule there. She came home and continued that way for several weeks. With newborns, they are so sleepy that you basically set the schedule. I would choose what you want to do to work around the older child's schedule. It is eat/wake/sleep, but you often only have waketime long enough to feed and change diaper. For the first week, you can definitely do no more than the pattern if needed, and if you have hte luxury of help with your older boy. Good luck! It is so fun.
  July 28, 2008 11:34 AM
• Kim said...
  Hi there,My son is 19 weeks old. He has been on a 3 hour schedule for several months. His schedule is:7am- nurse8am- nap10am- nurse11am - nap1pm- nurse2pm - nap4pm- nurse5-6pm- I try to put him down for a nap but he usually will not go to sleep. So I end up just trying to get him to hold out until as close to 7 as possible.6:30-7pm - nurse7:30pm - Because he didn't have that last nap he usually is exhausted by this time so I put him to bed.10pm- nurse then straight back to bed.I have been wondering if I should start him on a 3 1/2 hour schedule. Also wondering if I should drop the dreamfeed and should I start dropping that 4th nap. If I want to do these things, should I do them all at once? Should I stagger them? And if so, which should come first? If I drop that 4th nap which seems to have already happened, how should I adjust the schedule? Is it okay that the waketime after the 6:30-7pm feeding is so short? How do I change that? I am sorry to bombard you with so many questions but I just am not sure what route to take.Thank you so much for your constant help!You are a lifesaver!
  November 2, 2008 3:21 PM
  Plowmanators said...
  Kim, definitely stagger. I would do things in this order if he is ready:1-Drop 4th nap 2-Drop Dreamfeed 3-Extend schedule
  
  See the blog labels (on the left side of the page). See Dropping Naps, Dreamfeed, and Four Hour Schedule. Those should answer all of your questions.
  November 10, 2008 3:31 PM

SEPARATION ANXIETY QUESTIONS

• Charlotte said... My 6.5 month old son is recently experiencing separation anxiety and now wails every time I put him to bed. He is still sttn but cries for 30-45 minutes until I calm him down. He gets so worked up that he no longer can calm himself down. How long is this going to last and what can I do to help?
  September 26, 2008 9:10 PM
  Plowmanators said...
  Charlotte, I unfortunately don't have any experience with separation anxiety. From what I have read, I don't think it will last a really long time, but could be 2-4 weeks (maybe more). I would be sure he has a long enough waketime before bed (and conversely that it isn't too long), that he has a good, predictable routine before bed, that he has independent playtime, that dad spends good, quality time with him each day and helps with his care...then just hang in there! But I would also go to perhaps babycenter.com and read up on separation anxiety and see if there are any good tips there.
  September 29, 2008 11:23 AM