Showing posts with label bedtime. Show all posts

Nap and Bedtime Concerns for Preschoolers

Nap and Bedtime Concerns for Preschoolers. How to know when to drop naps all together and what to do if your child stays up playing in bed past bedtime.

Sleep concerns and questions do not end when your child leaves babyhood behind her. You continue to wonder when to drop naps and worry about how quickly they fall asleep. These issues are both being addressed today.

The importance of bedtime is probably highly underrated. The timing of bedtime can strongly influence how night sleep goes and what time your child gets up the next morning. For the original answers, see this post. Readers also answered on Facebook.

What age is your child?

Newborn: 1

3 Months: 1

4 Months: 1

6 Months: 1

7 Months: 1

8 Months: 4

9 Months: 1

12-15 Months: 2

16-17 Months: 1

18-23 Months: 6

2 Year Old: 6

3 Year Old: 4

4 Year Old: 6

5 Year Old: 2

6 Year Old: 1

9 Year Old: 1

What time is your child's bedtime?

6:00: 1

6:30: 2

6:45: 1

7:00: 13

7:30: 13

7:45: 3

8:00: 5

8:30: 1

What time does you child get up each morning?

5:00: 1

6:00: 1

6:30: 2

6:45: 3

7:00: 16

7:15: 1

7:30: 9

8:00: 4

8:30: 1

What is your bedtime routine?

potty, PJs, teeth, Bible story, prayers
diaper, PJs, sleep sack, nurse, burp and sing, sound machine, paci, in bed
PJs, teeth, two books, two songs
At 6:30 (6:15 on bath nights) we go upstairs. Each child goes to the bathroom, brushes teeth and brushes their hair. Then we put on pajamas and read books. Individually we say prayers with each child and sing them a good night song. Lights out, sound machine on, and say good night.
bath, read books, sing a few songs
At 6:30 the older two get on pajamas, brush teeth, and go potty. The 5 yr old can then play by herself while Daddy takes the 2 yr old to his room and Mommy starts bedtime for baby. Daddy will read a short bible story, a book, sing a song, give a last drink, hugs and kisses. Repeat with 5 year old. Meanwhile, about 6:45, Mommy takes baby to bedroom, changes into pajamas and sleep sack, nurses and sings a song. When baby is done nursing, into bed. Mommy then goes into 5 yr old and says a prayer and hugs and kisses.
Babies: nurse, then down for bed. 2 year old: short picture book, then down for bed. 4 year old: 1 chapter from chapter book (read in bed) then down for bed. We start reading at 7pm so her bedtime is more like 7:15.
Nursing, wash face, into night diaper/jammies, milk (we're slowly weaning), brush teeth, then prayer and into bed.
What is your bedtime routine? No real routine. Give the lovey, white noise good night and lights out. Makes it way easier when putting down at other places .
Each child gets a bath with Daddy and PJs. Baby gets his bedtime feed. Toddler gets his teeth brushed. Baby gets two songs and a prayer. Toddler gets a few board books, same two songs and prayer. Gets friends and loveys and tucked in. Both get sleepsacks, a dark room, and white noise.
Feed at 530 and 630. Sing in between or other activities that are calm such as bath time or reading
Bath time at 5:00/5:15, story and/or baby Mozart music 5:30 while feeding, then he falls asleep
Bath milk story prayer bed.
pjs, brush teeth, story and song, prayers, off to bed (there's a daniel song for that)
Bath at 6:30, play in room, read 2 books, prayers, song, and night night
Sometimes bath, cuddles, book, then we sing and pray and I lay him down/nurse, diaper, get swaddled, nurse again, down for bed
teeth, shower/bath, pajamas, story. The 9yo does some quiet time in his room before turning his lights out at 7:30, the younger two get tucked in
dinner, bath every other nite, brush teeth and jammies, story and bed.
Change diaper, put on bedtime lotion, put on pj's, brush teeth, read a book, pray, sound machine on.
Bath at 5:30, dinner, some downtime, read Bible, prayers, kiss goodnight and then put him down in the crib.
I start around 6:30 by bathing one of the two kids while the other one plays (though recently, they started sharing a bath tub so I can combine them -- hooray!). By 7, kids are done with baths and dressed for bed. Older one has brushed her teeth as well. The older one hovers around me until I chase her out (after the baby's last bottle) and she goes to play with her daddy in the other room while I read to the baby. I change the baby's diaper again and put on his Halo Sleepsack, turn off the lights, brush his teeth, and sing a few songs/pray/lullaby to him. Then he goes to bed and falls asleep right away, as he's a morning person and actually enjoys bedtime. The older one gets her story time one-on-one with me after that, and then it's prayer, song, hugs and kisses, night-night.

How often do you have an altered bedtime for any reason?

Never: 1

Rarely: 19

1 Time Per Week: 16

1-2 Times Per Week: 5

How does your child respond when bedtime time is off? How does sleep go that night and how is the next morning?

Grumpy That Night: 1

Not Good!: 1

Not Well--Wakes Early Next Morning: 2

Wakes Early Next Morning: 4

A Little Fussier Next Day: 4

Wakes During Night: 2

Handles It Okay: 3

Handles It Very Well: 12

Handles It Well And Might Sleep In: 1

One Night Is Okay, But Two Leads to Poor Sleep and Crying: 9

N/A: 2

What do you do that makes bedtime go smoother?

same routine every night, she pitched a lot of fits at bedtime from ages 2-4 but now is finally better
Exact same routine is important to him.
make sure he doesn't get overtired
we find that if we go up to bedtime in a good mood (at least not crying) then the routine goes more smoothly and not as long as if he's upset about something
Keep the same routine always.
Keep a routine and stick with bed times the majority of the time. Unless its just really late, still do the read and sing routine, even if shortened, to give them a few minutes to calm down and relax before lights out.
Same routine night after night. If there is any major stalling, non compliance, fussing we take away reading the book. Most always, the warning about it does the trick.
Communicate expectations and be willing to enforce them (NEVER BACK DOWN).
We try to keep the same routine every night that we can.
Goes to sleep fine, wakes a little earlier, not too many issues. If I'm concerned with him going down, I'll do a bath first.
We've had the same routine more or less since birth for both boys. Same songs, same order, prayers - our boys know what to expect and they calm down as we go through the bedtime motions.
Bath
Music and a warm sponge bath or bath. Knock on wood bedtime has been this way since day 3, and works awesome trouble is I can't seem to extend it out cuz he's a sleepy boy
Consistency. Keeping the same order of things to get those sleep cues going.
1. start early so it's not too rushed. 2. have clear expectations- my 4 year old puts on her own pjs. if she plays around too much she misses story time bc we don't wait for her to start. if I had time to dress 2 little ones, she had plenty of time to dress herself. We also have a set number of hugs and kisses given at bedtime.
We have always had a routine since day one. It's changed over time, but always always the same routine every night. We even let babysitters know.
Putting the littlest to bed 30 minutes before the older leaves me to be able to give the older one undivided attention. Even if little one doesn't sleep I leave him to fuss while I tend to the older one, he deserves that time and he sleeps much better after having that time.
the same thing every night. If it wasn't a special event, the bedtime routine really never changes at all.
we stick to the routine
Try not to rush it and make sure we have time to read a book and goof off before bed.
We keep it consistent and try to recreate as much as possible when traveling.
I try to do what I can with both kids at once. Both kids get dressed at once, both kids are now bathing at once, and sometimes they get the same bedtime story which means I don't read to my daughter after her brother goes to bed. That's on my Mommy nights! LOL That's rare, though.

Any thoughts or advice on bedtime and its importance?

Her attitude throughout the day tells me she needs more sleep and she always falls asleep IMMEDIATELY when we put her in bed. Hubby won't allow an earlier bedtime because he wants to spend time with them after work. We like the bedtime routine to be quality time with the child but that means we need to have plenty of time (start early) so we aren't rushing and getting upset with them.
It is a sweet time with him as long as we are not in a rush and follow the routine perfectly! Also, a tired child is less cooperative so it's best to start BEFORE he gets tired.
put them to bed before they seem tired!
Sleep train so you're not having to put them to sleep but understand that they go through stages and sometimes they'll need extra snuggles or "one more hug"
Since my kids do not do well with later bedtimes, we know we may have to leave parties early and we do not make late night plans for them.
I function best when I have a bedtime routine and go to bed at a fairly consistent time, and my kids definitely do as well. We leave functions early or skip out altogether sometimes. However, as they are getting older, there is more room for flexibility. To those with babies and younger toddlers, I would remind them that it is a season!
My children are so much more better behaved when they have had a long night. They can control their emotions better. It is also very helpful for yourself and your marriage. Being able to do a hobby after bedtime, relax with your husband, grab coffee with a friend, etc helps me be a better mom.
I seriously get anxiety when I think about my kids eventually needing later bedtimes. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that they go to bed so early and I have time alone with my husband to relax and unwind. Early bedtimes are the best. I know at some point our kids will go to bed a little later, but we are soaking up the time now.
Daily morning Wake time is the most important thing about bed time. Also have them sleep in a pack nnplay every so often so u can take them with u for later evenings at friends from time to time. So nice to have this opportunity!
Children experience a lot of comfort and security through routine and our boys find their beds a soothing, restorative place. I think the bedtime routine has been really essential to that and both my boys, while very different in personality, are both great sleepers.
Still working on this to figure out perfect timing but know a routine is important
Even if you don't have solid naps a solid bedtime plus routine is important but if the time changes that ok they need to be flexible , in fact do something to switch the time up now and then on purpose for that reason... but the most important is the routine.(music warm bath etc)
on a typical day I actually start gearing up for bed time as early as 4pm. Meaning I get the house ready. Choose quiet activities for the evening. Dinner prepped and on the table for the kids by 6pm. Time with dad. Bath by 7. Milk and stories by 730. Lights out by 8pm. Works like clockwork.
1. It's better for our kids to be in bed 10 minutes early, rather than 10 minutes late. 2. Since our kids are young, we make bedtime a priority. This means we say no to lots of things, but as they are getting older we can stretch and say yes to more. It's worth the temporary sacrifice!
To us, bedtime sets a precedent for the next day and that's why it's important to us. Our babies are just happier on their routine so we adjust around it to a certain extent.
When you have 4 kids, having a predictable "time off" is very important not only for yourself but also for your marriage. I'm not sure I could function without my nightly shower and wind-down time with my husband. I certainly wouldn't be a happy person without those things lol
My kids need far earlier bedtimes than what the world around me would suggest. We've tried later ones for consistent periods of time and it does not go well. If an earlier bedtime works better for your child and family, it's beneficial to the child and family to use it.
A regular and early bedtime makes for a happy child and happy parents
Consistent bedtime is so important when sleep training and should be started right away. Create a routine that they can get used to so they know what's coming, but don't make it so rigid that if you're away you can't keep the same routine or that if it has to be different, that they can't handle that.
We think it's very important for us because he is happier. We don't compromise on his bedtime.
Setting up a bedtime is critical for your sanity, to be honest. You NEED to be consistent as much as possible for good results and good sleep. And every child responds differently. My kids are as opposite as can be, with one a morning person, and the other a night owl. With one child, he falls asleep right away; the other one needs firm rules at bedtime or she will play at all hours of the night if you let her. But with a good night's sleep, both of my kids function very well -- as do I! A good bedtime routine with repeated nightly rituals is quite comforting to both kids and moms! I know I for one cherish every step of it because I know *I* also get to go to sleep soon. LOL

Strategies for Making Bedtime Smoother

Bedtime is simultaneously one of the best and worst times of the day. As parents, we are looking forward to getting our kids in bed and having a break. The kids are tired and cranky and most likely looking for ways to delay bedtime. We are also tired and less patient. How can we make this process as easy as possible?

1-Have a Start Time

You want to have a Consistent Bedtime, yes. You should also have a bedtime "start time." This is the time you start the process of getting ready for bed. The time you start this will depend on what you have in your bedtime routine and how long it all takes to get done. Give yourselves enough time that you can move through the routine comfortably without having to lose your cool in order to herd the cats--I mean, kids--along toward bed. Much of the time, our impatience as parents comes from us wanting our kids to move faster. If we give ourselves enough time, bedtime can go at a comfortable pace without having to be impatient.

2-Have a Routine

Have a set routine in place for getting ready for bed. You can even have a set order--not just a "do these things" but a "do these things in this order" routine. This way, your children can do things more independently and with fewer reminders. If your children struggle to remember what to do and/or in what order, make a chore chart list, a chore card pack, or something similar that they can consult for help in knowing what to do.

Ideas to include in the routine are: go to the bathroom, get pajamas on, brush teeth, clean up messes from the day, read scriptures, read story, say prayers.

See Bedtime Routine: Storytime for some more on our routine.

3-Work Toward Independence

No matter what it is, things can be easier when parenting if your child can be independent at it. This is when the chore charts I mentioned above can come in handy.

Another aspect to your child being independent is that he has to be shown how to do things and you have to be patient while he learns. A painful process to observe is that of a child learning to put on his own clothes. It takes a long time and you just want to jump in there and do it for them. Take this into account with your start time. Have enough time that your child can do the things independently that he can do. As he practices, he will get faster.

4-Stagger Bedtimes

Sometimes it helps to stagger bedtimes. There may be things you want to do as an entire family (for example, we do family scripture study and prayer), so you can do those things together and then put some kids to bed earlier than others. You can have older children quietly sit on the couch and look at books while you put younger siblings to bed. It makes it easier to start to reduce the number of children you are working with at bedtime.

5-Have Older Children Help

If you have older children, have them help the younger children with bedtime tasks. Brayden and Kaitlyn often read a bedtime story to McKenna at night, especially if one of us is gone at bedtime. You can put an older child in charge of inspecting teeth, of helping with clean-up, with reading stories, etc.

6-Make it Fun

If my children are taking longer than usual to get ready for bed, I try to make it fun by having a "Can you get the room cleaned in five minutes" thing. Sometimes it is a "If this isn't clean in five minutes I am coming down with the bag and anything not put where it goes is going in my bag game" (fun for me, not them). Beating the clock is always a nice challenge that gets kids thinking more about being fast and less about delay tactics.

You can also offer incentives. We often save fun activities we have planned that are indoor for after the kids are in their PJs and all ready for bed. So if we want to play a family game or watch a show as a family, we have the kids go through the routine before the activity. They are always very fast workers when they are trying to get done with enough time for the activity to take place.

7-Let Your Child Read

Once your child is capable of handling the freedom, allow your child to read for a few minutes before lights are out. This will get your child reading more independently, and it will also give your child something to look forward to once in bed. If your child can tell time, tell him the time to turn lights off and go to sleep. If not, you can go tell your child when it is time to turn lights out. I personally prefer to not allow the freedom until the child can tell time.

Poll Results: DO YOU READ STORIES AS PART OF THE BEDTIME ROUTINE?

Yes	56 (80%)
No	8 (11%)
Sometimes	6 (8%)

Votes so far: 70

Facebook Results

	Yes	41 votes 75 %
	No 3 votes 5%
	Sometimes 11 votes 20%

Total of 55 facebook votes

RELATED POSTS/BLOG LABELS:

Reminder: You can leave comments on poll results posts if you would like to add to the poll after it has closed. This would be helpful for those who have more than one child, those whose children have reached certain ages after a poll closed, and those who didn't visit the blog while that poll was open. To find closed polls, click on the poll results link above

Bedtime Routine: Storytime

Storytime has got to be one of the sweetest times of day. Child and parent snuggle up together to read stories before bedtime. If you are not careful, this treasured part of your routine can soon take over your evening and grow into a monster you aren't quite sure how to tame.

On Becoming Toddlerwise suggests you do "...your storytime out on the couch or in your favorite easy chair and not in bed" (page 55). The reason for this suggestion is that the child then has somewhere to go--off to bed. The authors say if you do storytime in bed, you might never finish because there is no where to go.

Now, "off to bed" is not the only way to accomplish this "how." Pay attention to the Why of this suggestion. The why here is to ensure you do not have bedtime delayed significantly because you are just laying in bed reading story after story.

We actually started out this way with Brayden. We would lay in his twin bed with him and read him an unspecified number of books. Let me tell you, Ezzo and Bucknam were right! Sometimes storytime would last well over an hour--for a 21 month old. Now, an hour long storytime isn't necessarily a bad thing. The bad thing was bedtime getting pushed back significantly because an hour was not planned on.

We started reading stories on the couch, then going up to bed, saying prayers, singing songs, hugs and kisses, then good night. It was much easier to get out of the room.

However, we do currently read to McKenna in her room. We read in a glider. We also read alternately to the children in Brayden's bed currently (one night Brayden reads in there, the next Kaitlyn, etc.).

Our version of "off to bed" is to limit number of stories. The child gets to pick X number of books to read before bed. This, to me, is the ultimate solution to avoiding bedtime being delayed. The number of books we allow to be chosen depends on the child and the night. It is typically about three books. However, Brayden often is two because he is reading chapter books...and for some of his chapter books, reading just one chapter takes about 45 minutes. The trick for you is to estimate about how long it takes to read the books your child is interested in, decide how long you read (shoot for at least 20-30 minutes!), and then decide how many books your child can choose.

We also read stories separately with each child. For that reason, utilizing bedrooms makes a lot of sense. In the Read Aloud Handbook, Trelease recommends reading to each child individually so that books can be read according to that child's age and interest level (trust me, a full post on this will come). So McKenna reads in her room, then one reads in the family room, and one reads in Brayden's room.

Here is a breakdown of our storytime part of bedtime routine. I like to look at scannable lists, so I like to provide you with them.

While Brayden and Kaitlyn get ready for bed and clean their rooms for the night, my husband reads stories to McKenna. He reads with her nearly every night. It is a special bonding time for them. I read to McKenna during the day, so she does get to read with me, also.
Scritpures: We read as a family in the family room. We read from a children's picture book scripture. We then read one page from the actual scriptures. We also talk about what we read. We then have family prayer and McKenna goes to bed.
My husband and I take turns reading to Brayden and Kaitlyn. One of us sits in the family room and one in Brayden's room. For example, I will read to Brayden one night in the family room, then Kaitlyn the next night in the family room, then Brayden, etc. We take turns by week for who gets to sit where. We both prefer the family room :) The child choose 2-3 books to read.
Once books are read, we say good night to the parent we didn't read with. The child then goes to bed and says his/her prayers. Then the parent he/she read with sings a lullaby, tucks him/her in, gives kisses, and leaves the room.

Okay, that was more than just storytime. That should give you an idea of how we juggle reading to three children separately and how we keep the length of storytime relatively consistent. Consistency is key to knowing how long you need for your entire routine so you know what time to star the routine to get to bed on time. This way, storytime can remain a treasure rather than a monster.

Preschooler Summary: 4 Years Old

Kaitlyn is now four years old! As I write this, Kaitlyn is going on a few days in a row of seriously perfect obedience--and beyond. She is doing things before I even ask her to. So in my immediate mind right now, she is super fabulous! Read this with that in mind--no complaints from me!

EATING

Kaitlyn's eating is the same as last time. Last time I told you she was a bit more adventurous, but that I wouldn't categorize her as "Adventurous Eater." She is the same as she was then. She will willingly try most things, but she has her list of things she just loves.

One difference over the last few months is she suddenly LOVES chicken. Up to this point, she has not been much of a meat eater, but she now really likes chicken. We went to Red Robin one day while on vacation and she got the kids meal with the chicken fingers. Their chicken fingers are real chicken that is breaded (good by the way), and she just loved it.

SLEEPING

As I reported last time, during the last week of her last quarter she started to get out of bed on her own--but out of bed on her own at times that were not okay with me.

We tried removing privileges. That didn't work very well. We moved to rewarding instead. That worked quite well--but still not perfection. The clock I had in her room didn't have numbers, it just had lines. So I got her a clock with numbers and we taught her how to read what time she could get up, but she still wasn't quite getting it.

So I went to the clock that turns colors when it is time to get up. I searched Amazon for "toddler clocks" and settled on this one: American Innovative Teach Me Time! Talking Alarm Clock and Nightlight (pictured above). Ever since, she has been perfect! I love that thing. The yellow face turns green when it is okay to get out of bed. You can set how long it stays green for.

Nap

With naps, I must point out (even though I did a post on this last Friday) that she sleeps best for naps if she has some light in her room.

She still has nap time each day, but she does not alway snap every day. Most days of the week, she falls asleep, but she will have 2-3 where she does not nap.

PLAYING

Playtime is good. She does independent playtime well. She plays with friends well. She plays with siblings well. She and McKenna now play lots of things together. One of their favorites is "Pony Party" with My Little Ponies. They also like to get out the play cupcakes and pretend like it is a birthday party. Kaitlyn has the sweet spot in the family because she has fun playing with both Brayden and McKenna. Plus, she gets to play "boy" games with Brayden and "girl" games with McKenna.

DANCING

Kaitlyn is still enjoying dancing. She is over her drama of pretending she doesn't like to go to dance. She does well in the class. It has had some good teaching moments. One day her teacher told me that she wasn't happy if she was not the first person to go when they were taking turns doing moves. So we sat and had a talk about taking turns and that she couldn't always be first and talked about the right way to be. She wasn't having a meltdown, but apparently she would stand and pout until it was her turn, which isn't the best way to be. Since then, she has been great about taking turns and not being first.

ICE SKATING

You might wonder how this ended up for her. She did well. My husband skated with her. At the end, she passed the class to move on, but we will put her in the same class again next time. It is the class Brayden was in, and is for 3-5 year olds, so I feel no need to move her forward until she is really comfortable and the teacher thought that was a wise decision.

IMAGINATION

Kaitlyn is still very imaginative and still to the detriment of the truth sometimes. She likes to tell me how certain princesses sing outside her window and all of these adventures she has done.

DISCIPLINE

Kaitlyn is quite obedient. Not perfect, of course, but good. She isn't the type to really test you hard (unlike my other two). She isn't really a limit tester. She is pretty easy going and quite obedient.

CLEANING

If there is any area Kaitlyn really needs work in, it is in her desire to help clean. When it is time to clean up, her creativity kicks in and she is off finding her way to excuses for not cleaning. If you give her a specific job, she will do it and will do it well. But if you just say "time to clean up" she will twirl her way to a corner with a book to read.

SCHEDULE

We have variation to this for playgroup and dance class, but for the most part:

7:30: Get up. Read a church children's magazine. Get ready.
8:00ish: Breakfast
9:00: Learning intro. Then some free play with McKenna.
10:00: Independent Playtime
11:00: Learning activity. Then more playing--possible 30 minute of PBSkids.org or TV time.
12:30: Lunch
1:00: Play with Brayden
2:00: nap
4:00: up. Play until dinner
5:00/5:30: Dinner
6:00: Free play
7:00: Start getting ready for bed
8:00: In bed

About once or twice a week, she plays PBSkids.org or watches 30 minutes of TV. I also have her help with chores.

GOOD BOOKS

On Becoming Preschool Wise

Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood

The Five Love Languages of Children

The Preschoolers Busy Book

Children's Learning Activities (website)

RELATED BLOG LABELS

Preschoolers

Preschooler Summary

Toddler/Child Getting Out of Bed : http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/12/toddlerchild-getting-out-of-bed.html

Preschoolers and Bedtime

When you get to the point of having a preschooler, you might not think bedtime is all that important--especially if you have a more flexible child like Kaitlyn (2.5). This is an incorrect assumption, however. I have already written a post impressing the importance of a consistent bedtime (see Consistent Bedtime ). In this post, I give concrete tips in association with your preschooler. These are tips from On Becoming Preschoolwise.

WHY HAVE AN EARLY BEDTIME? (page 104)
I know I already wrote a post, but here are more reasons:

"When preschool-age children are not getting enough sleep, they are irritable, hard to manage, and have little or no self-control." While we were moving, Brayden and Kaitlyn were getting to bed late every night. My husband was working on our new house and for two weeks, I was putting all three kids to bed alone each night. This meant bedtime was late for Brayden and Kaitlyn consistently. I definitely saw a difference in the children's behavior. At first, I attributed it to them not seeing their dad much and missing him. I am sure that was partially true, but I think most of it was the over-tiredness.
"It is unfair to expect over-tired young children to behave like well-rested ones."
Children grow in their sleep. "Around three to four years of age is a time of growth spurts in children." I can definitely attest to this. From Brayden's 2nd birthday to his 3rd, he was wearing the same shirts. I found this amazing since he had been changing wardrobes every three months, followed by every six months thus far in his life. I erroneously assumed between age 3-4, he could do the same. Nope. Not only that, but he went through shirts in a matter of months once again. This is a big time for growth for your child.
"Well-rested children do not get sick as often as children who are chronically over-tired." I think this relates to all people, not just children. When you are running on low sleep, your body is not able to fight off infection as efficiently as when you have plenty of sleep. Once again, I turn to our moving experience. Typically, my husband and I rarely get sick. We both have strong immune systems. Our children often get colds as children do. During the time we were moving, my husband and I were both operating on a few hours of sleep per night for over two weeks. We both got really sick. Brayden and Kaitlyn got the cold a week later, though not to the same severity of my husband and I. McKenna got a tiny bit if a stuffy nose two weeks later. My point is this. Typically when a cold comes into our home, Brayden or Kaitlyn get it first. They are the ones around other children the most and the ones who haven't had as many colds over a lifetime to build immunity to. McKenna often soon follows. I will sometimes get a mild form of the cold, though not always. My husband rarely gets the cold. This time, I got it first with really bad symptoms. My husband soon followed, also really bad. Brayden and Kaitlyn got milder cases, and McKenna's was basically nothing to speak of. McKenna was the one getting her sleep. Brayden and Kaitlyn were getting less, though only by an hour each night. My husband and I were getting very little sleep.

WHAT TIME IS BEDTIME? (page 104)

Your preschooler needs at least 10 hours of sleep each night. This does not mean bedtime is 10 hours before waketime. Sleep needs to be at least 10 hours.
Bedtime needs to be 11-11.5 hours before waketime. If your child wakes at 7 AM each day, your child needs to be in bed by 7:30-8:00 PM. This will give your child time to fall asleep. If your preschooler needs 12 hours of sleep, the be sure to start bedtime earlier.
Don't start your bedtime routine at what you want to be bedtime. Allow at least 30 minutes for your bedtime routine. Take note of how long your individual routine lasts.

I'M CONVINCED...HOW DO I CHANGE BEDTIME? (page 104)

Try moving bedtime back 15 minutes at a time each week until you reach your desired bedtime.

HOW DO I ESTABLISH A CONSISTENT BEDTIME? (pages 105-106)

Choose a bedtime you can be consistent with.
If you need to be out late, hire babysitters when possible so you can remain consistent with bedtime.
Avoid roughhousing before bedtime; it can take children too long to wind down (though I must say, Brayden actually sleeps better when he gets roughhousing before bed).
Tell your child to go to bed--don't as if he wants to.
Help your child get ready for bed. Don't just send him off to get ready and expect him to do so until he has shown he can. You need to help him through the process of PJs, brushing teeth, bathroom, etc.
Read stories on the couch or in a chair--not in child's bed. When Bradyen was two, we did stories in his bed. Story time too FOREVER! We started doing it on the couch, then went to bed. This made story time much faster and more consistent in length.
Limit number of stories. We do three stories per night per child. If we need to read stories with both Brayden and Kaitlyn together, then we do three total so the time is the same.
If your child wets the bed, limit drinks after dinner.

CONCLUSION
Sleep is very important for your preschooler. Just because he is older now does not mean that sleep no longer matters. Keep in mind the importance of sleep and also the difference between sleep quality and quantity. Consistent sleep routines and sleep times lead to better sleep quality. Think of yourself. Think of the difference in your attitude when you get enough sleep and enough quality sleep vs. when you get too little sleep and/or don't sleep well. Your child is the same. For more on sleep and your preschooler, see On Becoming Preschoolwise starting on page 114.

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2 Year Old Sleep Problems

A month after Brayden turned two, he started taking a long time to go to sleep at night. At the time, I attributed it to several factors. One is that a month after he turned two, it is the longest day of the year where we live. The sun goes down quite late. As I have mentioned, Brayden is a sun riser. I figured it was hard for him to go to sleep since the sun was still up. Another possible factor was that he had a new baby sister. Another possible factor was that he was in a new room and his bed was right by the window, which looked out onto the road. Brayden has always loved to watch cars go by. At this time, he didn't cry or put up any sort of fuss about going to sleep. He didn't get out of bed. He just sat in his window and talked to himself.

Over the last couple of years, I have often seen moms post questions about their two year old suddenly taking a long time to go to sleep at night. After several of these questions, I started to wonder if there is something about a two year old that makes it hard for them to sleep. I wondered what would happen with Kaitlyn.

Kaitlyn, most of you are aware, is and always has been a great sleeper. Kaitlyn loves to sleep. She doesn't mind naptime or bedtime. Despite this, Kaitlyn also started taking a long time to fall asleep after she turned two.

Kaitlyn had several of the same factors. She had a new sister. She had a new bed. It was the longest time of the year again. She was in the same room, however, and didn't have a window. But Kaitlyn is not one who needs anything to entertain her; she has a very vivid imagination even as a two year old.

One day I was talking with a friend about McKenna (unrelated topic) who told me her pediatrician says children need to learn to fall asleep about five times in their lives. She couldn't remember exactly. She knew one was at two months. One was at one year. One was at two years. She thought another was at 6 months and at 18 months. Then she couldn't remember the other. I have no idea where he came to this conclusion from, but I found it interesting. I often get questions about a 6 month old or one year old who is suddenly not sleeping well. There could be some truth to this.

Kaitlyn also doesn't cry and doesn't protest going to bed at all. She is also really quiet, but sometimes as I go to get McKenna for her dreamfeed, I hear Kaitlyn singing in her room!

So those of us with a two year old know that this is fairly typical, based on observation. The question is, what do you do about it?

There are a few ways to go about it, and your answer is going to depend on your child's personality. By this point, you know your child well. You know if your child responds well to you re-entering the room or not. Here are some options for this situation:

Leave Her Be: One option is to just wait this period out. It doesn't last forever. Currently, Brayden goes to bed soon after he gets there.
Go Stop Her: She might benefit from you going in and telling her to go to sleep. You want to be careful with this, though. She might start to figure if she stays up, she gets extra visits from Mom. These visits will likely include extra kisses and hugs, perhaps even one more song. So she might start fighting sleep in order to get some more face time with her parents. Also, if this is an issue of learning to fall asleep again, then your visit will disrupt the learning process.
Tweak Bedtime: I think it is possible that many two year olds are going to sleep a little too late. Going to bed too late can lead to it taking time for a person to fall asleep. I have seen that even with myself currently. Be sure bedtime isn't later than your child needs it to be.
Combo: My guess is that most families would benefit from a combo of these suggestions. Fix bedtime. For the most part leave her be. If she is getting rowdy or getting out of bed, go in and gently tell her to go back to bed, but try to be unemotional about it. Just be firm and matter of fact. Don't be mad and don't be extra sweet and lovey. Watch the results of you going in closely. If it seems she is staying up even more, don't go in.

In the end, don't stress out about this. Over some time, she will be back to going to sleep soon after her head hits the pillow.
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Index: Bedtime

Toys in Bed

Every so often, I get a question about the appropriateness of toys in bed. As in most things with parenting, this depends on your child. Not only does it depend on your child in general, but it depends on your child at the moment. At some stages, toys are a distraction from naptime. At other stages, they are something that seem to help naptime happen.

Young Babies
As a newborn, your child does not need any sort of toy in bed. You might have a mobile. If so, be mindful of the possibility that the mobile could distract from sleep. Some babies might look at it and get overstimulated or be so interested in it that they miss the sleep window. Others might look at it and peacefully slip into slumber.

Both of my children had a mobile as a young baby. It wasn't a problem for either child. Our mobile has very mild colors. It also is just a mobile; it doesn't move or make music at all. If your mobile does move and/or play music, I would caution you against turning it on for naptime or bedtime. You don't want your child to become dependent on it for sleep. You want to avoid sleep props .

You want to be sure you take the mobile down once your child can reach it. Brayden only had it for a couple of months, but Kaitlyn had it for quite a while (though I can't remember exactly how long).

Older Babies
You might put a stuffed animal in the bed with your baby. I did this with Brayden around 6 months. I actually started it with Kaitlyn from birth, but it was at the opposite end of the crib from her so it wasn't anywhere near her. If you do this, be sure it is a safe stuffed animal with no parts that can come off and be choked on (like buttons or eyes that could be pulled off). These stuffed animals are "friends" for my kids. They have never been a problem for sleep. Both of my kids would go to sleep without a problem. When they woke up, they would "talk" to the "friends."

12-24 Months
This is an age when any sort of toy can really start to become a distraction. Both of my kids still had stuffed animals in this age range. Kaitlyn (21 Months) likes to hug one sometimes as she falls asleep. She doesn't ever play with them before sleep. We have to set them up so they are all sitting along one crib rail. Then she goes to sleep. When she wakes up, she will play with them and talk to them. If I go in to get her right away, she is disappointed because she wanted to play with her babies.

When we moved Brayden from the crib to his twin bed, I was really glad he had his "friends" that he was familiar with. When we moved him, he moved beds and bedrooms. I was glad for him to have something familiar to sleep with. We plan to move Kaitlyn this month sometime, also, and I am sure her babies will help with a smooth transition. See crib to bed transition for mroe on this.

Also, Brayden has a love for one of his "friends" in particular. When he had his surgery last month, he was able to take that friend in the operating room with him. They bandaged him up just like Brayden. His bond with this stuffed animal helped him through this scary process.

2-3 Years
You can continue with the special friends. You might also start to think about something like a toy car for your child to play with. If you do give him a car, pay close attention to what happens. He might play with it for a few minutes then drift to sleep. But he also might play with it so long it takes him past his second wind and prevents sleep from happening.

3 Years and Up
During the third year, your child will likely start to drop the nap some days. Throughout Brayden's fourth year (ages 3-4), we have had to vary what does and doesn't go in his bed. At the beginning of his fourth year, he had nothing in bed with him for naps except for a blanket and pillow. That helped him to sleep better. As the year went on, he started to not sleep well for naps. So we gave him one to two cars and a couple of "friends" for a nap. That again got him sleeping well.

Over the last 2-3 months (he is currently 3.5 months shy of 4 years old), he has moved more and more toward rest time rather than nap time. He now has one or two cars, his friends, and a few books. Some days he sleeps, others he doesn't, but during his nap or rest time, he is quiet and stays in bed without a problem.

Summary
No matter the age of your child, whether or not toys are in bed with him is up to you to decide. There is no "rule" that says it is always okay or always not okay. If you see toys are a problem, remove them. If you see toys help naptime go more smoothly and happen, use them. Here are a few guidelines I would use:

Delay Introduction of Toys in Bed: I would wait until you see a need for a toy in bed before you ever introduce it. Putting it in earlier than the child is able to handle it is akin to giving a freedom too soon. If it turns out the toy is a hindrance to naptime, your child might be really upset when you take it.
Analyze All Angles: Before trying the toy in bed, be sure you analyze all other possible reasons for poor naps. You don't want to offer a toy when what your child really needs is more waketime. See sleep problems and optimal waketime for help in this.
Keep the Quantity Low: Your child doesn't need every beloved toy in bed with him. A couple will suffice.
Take Note of Effect: This might be a good time to keep a log (see log ). Before you give the toy, keep a log of how long it takes him to fall asleep and how the nap goes. After you give the toy, do the same. Then you can concretely see if it is helping or hurting.
Pay Attention: If the toy helps, pay attention to watch for it to become a problem. It can. If the toy becomes a distraction, remove it.
Avoid Props: I would avoid letting this become a prop. I would rotate toys if needed to ensure that your child will not be particular about which toy, book, or stuffed animal he has. I like to have my children able to sleep so that wherever they are, they can go to sleep. I don't want to have to remember to pack certain toys or items to help them sleep. If we are at Grandma's, I grab a stuffed animal she has there. Even though my kids have had the same stuffed animals for basically their entire lives, they are fine with having different ones. Monitor your child so you don't create a prop.

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