Showing posts with label daycare. Show all posts

Babywise: So Much More Than Schedules and Sleep Training!

Babywise: So Much More Than Schedules and Sleep Training!. How to work to make Babywise work for you and your family situation.

My little brother is a smart guy, but he has always hated reading. He is actually proud(!) of the fact that, at 34 years of age, he’s never owned a library card and can count on his fingers the number of books he’s voluntarily read. So you can imagine my shock when, soon after I announced my pregnancy, he gave me a book. It was called “On Becoming Babywise”, and he swore by it, explaining that this was the secret behind his two boys’ good behavior, discipline, and happiness. I read it and knew right away that our family would be following its principles.

Babywise is definitely a philosphy that requires time and attention from the caregiver. This can be difficult enough when you are home with your baby all day and know exactly what is happening when and have some control over it. It becomes more difficult when your child is in daycare of childcare and you have to rely on someone else to do things and keep you informed.

I recently asked readers on Facebook how they make Babywise work with daycare. Here is the advice they gave.

Be Flexible (and find someone you can trust)

Ashley said: Be flexible. I only work part-time in the mornings. My boys (aged 3 years and 11 weeks) go to a friend's house while I work. She knows my basic schedule with my baby and works toward it. But I also understand that she is working with a child that is not her own. If he breaks schedule (which happens a lot with a newborn), I trust her to do what she is comfortable with. He is often overtired once he gets home, so I let him sleep in the swing for a quick nap to help him get back on schedule. I tell myself that he will ultimately drop his morning naps so I really need to work with him on solid afternoons. That's the key with inconsistency: keep the big picture in mind. This is how I survive daycare, church, and many other things

Kim said: Flexibility- when my middle daughter was starting at a center at 1 year old, she had a very hard time with naps in the morning and afternoon. Now she had trouble taking more than 45 min naps at home too but at least she would sleep for 45 min. I learned to be ok with her moving out of her morning nap sooner than I would have liked but it was ok. My middle now (2 year old) takes a great 2 hour nap in the afternoon every day. My 3 year old will not take a nap at daycare anymore. They asked me what I wanted to do and I asked if she could read on her cot or play quietly and they are fine with that.

Daycare centers generally have some sort of schedule (ex quiet/nap time in the whole center from 12:30-2:30, lunch and snacks at a certain time) so it might not match your schedule.

Choose the Necessary

Kim said: At the infant level, they will have a 4 to 1 ratio so again, they will try to follow your schedule as best they can but it won't be perfect since they probably have 3 other schedules to follow as well. Think about what main things you would like to keep consistent - for me it was the eat play sleep so I really stressed that to them (again at the infant level)

Relinquish Control (and have consistency at home)

Jessica said: Accept that you can try your best, but you cannot control naps when your child is at daycare. My son would rarely sleep well for them and if he did fall asleep it would be for 30 minutes or less. Respect bedtime because your little one will likely be exhausted.

Communicate

Kim said: Communication is huge. You also will need to be understanding and flexible. Daycare is a different environment- different lights, sounds, etc so things will go differently than at home. Talk with them to see how your little one is doing, when your little one is being successful, when they are not, etc. We have done both at home and a center and communication and flexibility were key. All of our daycare workers love our kids and really try to do what we ask.

Establish a Hierarchy
Amanda said: I honestly love schedules and babywise and tinkering with them - and since I am getting ready to send #3 to daycare in the spring I also have a strong LOVE for babywise and daycare and ways to make it work. A few things that I do that have really helped with my kids is

1. set up my goals and my hierarchy for that child and their time at day care. for kids that I do not worry about eating to sleep, maybe that is low on my list. If i have a baby who is having a hard time falling asleep on their own and we have just made big strides at home it may be my highest priority to make sure we arent messing with that. But I set up my hierarchy and then I slowly share those with the day care workers. Typically this looks like working on one thing at a time. One week I may say, baby has had a really hard time snacking on bottles all the time and we really want to make sure hes only eating every 2.5-3 hours to make sure he is getting full feeds. Once I feel like the teachers are on board with that and have created that into their routine with baby I will move on.

2. I set my schedule early on based on when baby needs to wake up to get to day care etc. I start thinking about it when they are born so I can know ahead of time what my goals are for DWT and bedtime early on. I find it also helps to have day care know if they are going to be ready for a bottle right when they get there, or a nap or what not - you start the day setting them up for success and they can easily get in the flow.

3. It is important to know that even with the tiny babies, day care is set up for lunch at 12 and naps right after. This is a priority and many daycare centers will turn the lights off and it ends up being the most opportune time for good naps even for tiny ones. Knowing this helped me prioritize that nap early on - and actually made the 2-1 nap transition a lot easier with my second who started day care earlier than it did for my 1st. The final thing is to keep in mind the end goals and the great things that can come from learning to sleep at day care. My children can easily sleep on a nap mat just about anywhere starting at age 1, this makes travel and being somewhere besides home at nap time much easier. The 2-1 transition can be a lot easier because often kids will get a small cat nap in the AM and then the longer nap in the afternoon early on in day care and they quickly learn to consolidate the sleep in the afternoon. Another bonus - during nap regressions, it can be nice to have a break for trying to get kids to nap! I have encouraged many of my friends that it is possible to do babywise and have a child in day care. It takes some flexibility (which is good for my type A personality) but it helps you see what the goals really are!

Related Posts:

Caregivers index

Working Outside the Home

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I have had lots of requests from moms to share information on how to implement Babywise while working outside the home. Since I have no experience with that, I turned to my friend Bethany. Bethany even went so far as to create a blog for Moms who work outside the home! Be sure to check her out here: http://thegracefulmom.com/

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My husband and I both work full-time. We have two energetic children, 3 years old and 18 months old. Without Babywise, I cannot imagine how we would manage. I think I appreciate it more even now than I did with a newborn.

We first heard about Babywise from my step-sister and my sister-in-law. We witnessed firsthand the success that they had with their newborns, and it truly complimented our parenting style and philosophies. To this day, we are strong advocates of sleep, routine, and first-time obedience.

I think the biggest things that makes it hard to incorporate Babywise as a working parent is that you are not always physically there to implement it. I was quite naive about daycare and shocked to realize that much of the effort I put in during my 12 weeks of maternity leave could be lost in a matter of days. I was also blown away by how hard it would be to return to work.

The best advice I can give to any working mother, especially if you are trying to incorporate Babywise principles, is to find a high quality childcare provider. If you are not satisfied with your provider, you will probably be constantly torn and conflicted about working. Changing childcare providers was probably one of the most important contributors to being at peace with returning to work. It was not easy, and it took months to find another solution. Ultimately, we hired our own sitter/nanny, and it is one of the best decisions we have made.

I have been blessed beyond belief to find nannies that are even better at incorporating Babywise than I am, in some aspects. We have still been able to add structured Babywise activities, such as independent play. My kids are with their sibling all day, and they get to nap in their own bed for a full nap every day. That does not mean that my priorities have to be your priorities, by any means. Daycare can also be very structured in the older toddler rooms, but I truly appreciate the control and the close interaction with my caregiver that we have.

No matter which kind of caregiver you choose, make sure that you communicate closely and effectively. I would encourage you to use some sort of daily log so that you still have an idea of your child's daily activities and meals. Our log has even helped me determine whether diaper rashes are from a recent dirty diaper versus not being changed enough. Talk often with your provider and be open to their suggestions as well.

Realize that you cannot do everything. Chances are you will not be able to incorporate all of the Babywise principles. We have not done blanket time consistently (or often at all). We have had nannies that are better at routine and structured learning than others.

No matter what, make the most of the time you have with your children. Live in the present with the time you do have. PLAY, and play HARD. Know that it does get easier in many aspects. Your baby will stay awake longer and often have very little trouble with separation anxiety. Babywise has given us the routine and structure to keep us and our kids well-rested and happy.

Index: Daycare

Baby Whisperer: Daycare Tips

In The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems, Hogg lists some tips for those moms who go back to work. These are found on page 32.

Establish Routine. Have your routine in place at least a month before you return to work. If you are already working and want to establish a routine, sh says you might need to take a week or two off to establish the routine.
Caretaker: Hogg points out the importance of having a caretaker who is willing to implement your strategies. She stresses the importance of consistency.
Consistency: As the parent, be careful that you keep her on her routine. You might feel guilty for working or might want to spend more time with her so you let her stay up later than you should. If you do this, be aware that you will likely disrupt her routine.
Enlist Spouse: Hogg says she finds the spouse who is home less is usually better at sticking with the plan for implementing routine.
Disruptions: Pay attention to all other disruptions that can affect baby. Job change, moving, new pets, sickness, etc. These things can all contribute to your baby being thrown off.

Related Blog Labels:

How to Balance Daycare/Childcare and Babywise

How to Balance Daycare/Childcare and Babywise. You can do Babywise even if you are a working parent and your child is in daycare.

There are many moms out there who, for a variety of reasons, need childcare. As I do not have experience in this situation, I again turned to friends for their advice for moms using daycare and Babywise. Here are their thoughts:

BaumShelter said:

Thankfully my daycare provider is a Babywise mom herself . . . she's actually the one that gave me the book! I've even found her to be a great resource when it comes to troubleshooting. In the beginning I tended to be somewhat strict with my schedule (when she is more of a relaxed personality) and she was very respectful of my wishes. I just wrote out a detailed description of McKenna's schedule, talked to her before and after I dropped her off or picked her up, and even asked her to keep me a log for a while of my daughter's waketimes, naps, amount eaten at a feeding, etc... I know that not everyone will be in this same situation of having someone so familiar with the principles, but I WOULD hope that each person's daycare provider would be respectful of that woman's wishes . . . especially since they're probably getting paid pretty good. A few weeks ago when my mother-in-law came to visit I asked her to read the Babywise book so she would understand our philosophy, routine, etc... Thankfully she did so willingly. Perhaps that is something that some moms using daycare could do--provide the person watching their child(ren) with a copy of the book and set up a time to talk with them about how consistency is a vital key in them having a happy baby to watch! What can beat that?! I hope this information has been a least somewhat helpful.

A Friend said:

I can't speak to the daycare centers, but I can share my experience with my nanny. First off though, if your daycare provider seems to have a strong parenting opinion against BW, you should obviously find someone else. Ask if they have heard of or read BW in the interview process. Also ask how they feel about CIO. Try to feel them out.

My nanny is 25 and doesn't have any kids of her own and hasn't heard of BW. Nor has she heard of attachment parenting. She didn't have an opinion of either, which was good. Fresh slate. She COMPLETELY respected my wishes. I posted our schedule in the kitchen and gave her an overview of the basics. After a while, she would help me troubleshoot. It was great to have her as a sounding board since my DH was away. She became a great friend. She also didn't have any issues with CIO. In fact, for a couple of our training sessions (rolling over, swaddle weaning), she did the first 1-2 CIO sessions, which was great. She had an easier time listening to it than I did.
On top of all of this, my nanny was also caring for my older DS. She cooked healthy meals (for me too!), cleaned and even did my laundry! She charged $12/hr. for the two kids. I use past tense because she's currently looking for a full-time job. I only had her come 1-2 days a week and she needs health insurance. We are both very sad about it and are having a harder time emotionally than we thought we would. That is THE ULTIMATE in a childcare provider. Not only do you want them to follow your instructions, but you want them to become attached to your child and begin to love them! I'm going to start crying here!

Spencemom said:

We have a nanny for our son, and it is working out fabulous. She is 26 with one daughter. She did not use BW, but after being with us for 4 months, she is asking me for tips on sleep and eat patterns:) She fully respects our schedule, and she'll email me during the day is something is "off" to get my opinion. I'm never nervous DS with miss nap time or get off his normal routine. The one downside is she is $13.50 an hour which for a few days a week is much more costly than daycare. However for our schedule (and less illness), my DH and I think it is WELL WORTH IT!

Bethany said:

I'm still having issues with terrible naps, but my best advice is communication. We are currently using a daycare center. Every morning we write down his feeding times and nap times on his daily report that they are required to fill out by the state. I've also typed up a sheet with his schedule and other tips that stays on his clipboard. Now, it is extremely rare for him not to be fed on time.

They haven't quite figured out how to please me with his naps :) Sometimes they forget it's his naptime or don't think he's tired. Again, communication has really helped so that now they know to leave him in his crib when he wakes early and to always put him down even if they don't think he's tired. Every single teacher has commented on his happy disposition. He's the most well-rested infant in there.

I still have lots of gripes and most days his naps are all over the place. Constant communication is the only thing that has made a difference. I wish I could require the directors and teachers to read BW. Most moms in the room are AP, though.

Dana said:

I don't know if this will help, but I used to be a nanny and I have also worked in a daycare center. My children have not been in childcare, so I can't speak to actual experience with babywise babies/children.

As a freshman in college I worked as a "teacher" in the 1yo classroom of a daycare center. The ratio of 1yo/teacher was 7/1. They had one naptime per day, no cribs. They were expected to lay on mats and sleep for 1-2 hours. Most were so tired they crashed for at least an hour. When you have 14 1yo's and 2 teachers it is very difficult to keep the ones that wake corralled, doing quiet activities and let the others sleep. Naptime was also when teachers took their lunch breaks. Leaving one teacher to handle those that woke early.

I was often found in the baby room during my breaks. (Despite the new rule that any one not hired to be in there was required to stay out.) The ladies in that room often peaked their heads into our room to ask me to come over and help on my break. (I did not know anything about babywise at this point.) The ratio in that room was 4 babies to 1 adult. Which meant there were 8 babies a day in the room with 2 adults to care for them. The cribs were in the same room. Lights were on all day, with only one set naptime where the lights were turned off. Most babies were overstimulated, tired and cranky unless being held.

I was a nanny for a boy of an AP mom from the time he was 15mo to 3.5 yrs. (I found out I was pregnant with my first baby 2 wks after I started. I didn't take the Prep for Parenting/babywise class until 2 wks before my son was born.) Even though I hadn't read babywise, I quickly tired of the routine the old nanny had of rocking the little boy to sleep for his naps. I started to let him CIO about a month after I started. I sat right next to the door, b/c the mom worked from home, so I wanted her to see that I was really listening and paying attention to what was happening. My son came to work with me from the time he was 6wks on. The mom was always amazed at how well Kyle slept, how happy he was and how well he ate. By the time I left, she still couldn't figure out how I got her son to behave so well, when she couldn't, and why Kyle was such a happy, good little boy. (I shared my thoughts with her many times, but I don't think she listened.)

After doing both these jobs, I feel the best environment for any baby, but especially a babywise baby is with a nanny or an in-home daycare. With a nanny, they are in the familiarity of your home, making the routine easier. At an in-home daycare the ratios are much better. They can only have 1 or 2 babies in the home depending on how many children are there. This would make it easier for the caregiver to follow your schedule.
I hope this info is helpful in some way.

As a nanny, the mom I worked for was able to do a background check on me and I believe was able to check my driving record through the company she hired me through. Since she knew my driving record and felt safe with the car I drove, she had me take her son to classes. I took him to Kindermusik, baby swimming classes as well as a toddler play group. Those ended once I had my son, but with the two of them we often went to parks and indoor play areas. So those moms concerned about socialization have that option with a nanny as well.

My Advice
I appreciate the advice of each of these women. If you have advice and tips to share, please add them. Here are some of my own thoughts on the situation. I haven't ever had my kids in childcare/daycare, but I have worked in a daycare. Here are my thoughts based on what I do know:

I completely agree with Dana when she says that the best environment for a baby is at home with a Nanny or other provider. After working in a daycare, I would never send my children to a daycare. I am sure there are some great daycares out there. I also know some parents don't have much of a choice. But if you do, I would look in to a nanny or an in-home daycare.
Know there will be some disruptions with naps and feedings. Hopefully you can find a person or place who will work to comply with your schedule. I think one reason a nanny is preferable to a daycare is that a nanny can do what you want her to, whereas a daycare has a lot of babies and children to care for and needs to create a schedule of their own. It would be hard to have 8 different schedules for the 8 different kids. Even 8 Babywise babies will have different schedules somewhat.
Do certain things at home. If you are in daycare, that isn't going to be the best place to have them do independent playtime. I would do that at home, which I can see as being difficult because you will want to spend all the time you can with them. But you could have your child do independent playtime while you make dinner. If you have a Nanny, you can certainly have her do independent playtime with your child during the day. You could likely also request this if you take your child to a home for childcare.
Try to find a person/place who can comply with your schedule. Some daycares can and will comply to your schedule.
Always go with your "gut." Pray about the situation if you are a praying person. Be in-tune with your child to be sure the current option is the best one for him.

Related Posts:

childcare (blog label)
daycare (blog label)

Reader Advice:

Susan and Ethan Peterson said...
I have my 6 1/2 month daughter in an in home daycare. Although we have had to make some adjustments to BW her sitter has done a great job following my wishes, and has really helped me to keep Haley on a schedule. She feeds her when and how I ask her to, and we talk every day about what she did and didn't do. It was an adjusment for her at first, but now she tells all new moms that she knows to go get babywise. I have truly been blessed!
July 8, 2008 7:45 PM
Plowmanators said...
Susan, Thanks for your thoughts! It sounds like you have a good setup there.
July 9, 2008 11:05 AM
G-Man's Mama said...
Just wanted to include my experience with a daycare center and babywise. Our son started daycare 3 weeks ago. He is 4 mo. and I have been consistent, constant and insistent (he was previously watched by his G'ma's and my aunt) about his schedule before he started. He is pretty well established in his schedule. Anyway, the daycare center we take our son to requires that the caregivers have read the babywise book, which helps a little. They have his schedule w/ tips & babywise princpals posted in the classroom and they are pretty awesome about sticking to it. They even succeed in getting him to take a fourth nap, something I am unable to do. This daycare is one of the best in the area and we feel like they really listen to us and are very compliant with our wishes. I hope anyone who chooses a daycare center finds the same wonderful experience we have.
September 23, 2008 4:03 PM

Reader Questions:

Nicole Flowers said...
I am sleep training right now -- putting him down in his crib every time he seems sleepy throughout the day/night after each waketime. But he starts daycare part time (every afternoon M-F) in about a week. Clearly I won't have the same control with that. Should I continue doing what I'm doing in the daytime to sleep train? BTW, my baby is 2 months old.
August 28, 2008 3:08 PM
Plowmanators said...
Nicole, I would do what they are going to do at daycare. If they are going to CIO, I would definitely do that so you can try to learn his patterns and give them some clues.
September 2, 2008 10:21 PM

Church Nursery/Daycare/Playcenter

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I know that many churches have nursery for children starting at young babies. My kids don't go to nursery until 18 months, so I don't know how starting young affects a child's view of nursery. I only have 5 more months to go before Kaitlyn goes to nursery! At our church, it seems like most kids have a difficult time when they first go to nursery. I find this to be completely understandable. They are in a strange room, usually with strange people, and wild children. It seems Babywise babies really don't have a huge struggle with mom leaving them alone in the nursery, though some do.

The first day my son started nursery, I stayed in the room for a while (like 20 minutes). I waited until I was sure he was comfortable there before I left. Then I told him I was leaving and hugged him and told him I would be back in a little while. He was fine for about an hour, then an older kid hit him and he cried and they came to get me. The next week, my husband stayed with him for about 20 minutes again, then he left. My son was fine that day. We haven't had a problem since.

When it comes to how you leave your child in the nursery (or daycare or play center while you work out) you have to do what you think is best for the personality of your child. My son does better if he has someone familiar there with him at first while he gets used to things, but quickly warms up to the situation. With my daughter, I think I will have to just put her in there, say goodbye, and walk out. The longer I would stay, the more likely I believe she will get clingy to me.

Whether you stay for a bit or leave right away, I think it is always good to tell your child you are leaving. I don't think it is good to sneak out. Your child will notice your absence at some point. Just keep the good-bye short, simple, and matter-of-fact. Save your emotion for once you leave the room (I know I got teary-eyed when I knew my son had graduated to nursery age--it is bittersweet).

I have also heard from many nursery workers that they perfer you to just leave. If your child is crying and throwing a fit, it is easier for them to work with your child without you there. Again, you need to know your child's personality. When I stayed with Brayden, he wasn't clinging to me and crying. He was just looking to make sure I was close by in case he had troubles. I could see Kaitlyn crying for a minute when I leave. But she would quickly get over it. I will be sure to keep you all abreast of the situation when it arises. The nursery workers can come get you if your child won't calm.

I have a Babywise friend whose son did great in nursery for 6 months, then suddenly didn't want to stay in there. That lasted for about 3 Sundays. She believes it was simply separation anxiety. They also happened to get a new nursery worker at the same time, and she was mindful of the situation. Unfortunately, we live in an age where you have to be very careful. If your child really doesn't like nursery, or suddenly starts disliking nursery, I would be sure there isn't a serious reason (like abuse from a nursery worker). I know the vast majority of workers out there would never harm your child in any way, but some would. The safety of our children should always come first. I hope I didn't scare us all today :)

As always, please share your tips/experiences with leaving your child with caregivers.

Related Posts:

childcare (blog label)
daycare (blog label)
separation anxiety (blog label)

Reader Comments/Thank Yous/Advice:

Dana said...
Thanks for your thoughts on this! Here's my experience: We started each of our children in nursery at 3 mo. My son (3yr) has loved nursery from day one. The only times he ever had problems were when I was volunteering, and he didn't want me holding other babies. My daughter (11mo)hasn't had any problems in nursery, except a couple times she wouldn't take a bottle from the worker. She even doesn't seem to have any problem when I volunteer w/ me holding other babies. I think starting them early helped, plus the fact that we have consistant nursery workers they are used to being around.
May 20, 2008 2:11 PM
Plowmanators said...
Thanks for your thoughts Dana! I think some kids have a more natural tendancy toward "jealousy" than others. It is interesting.
May 21, 2008 11:06 AM
mommytoisabella said...
I had a very good experience with leaving Isabella in a church nursery. We were visiting the US during the holidays and at first I was hesitant about leaving her in the nursery at 4 months. I was sitting with her in the nursing mothers room or the family room. However with so many kids in there I could not concentrate on the messages. Being when I am at home in Kosovo I am the nursery worker in the church, therefore I am unable to attend the services, I decided while in the US to put her in the nursery and she did well. All of the nursery workers we surprised at what a good baby she was. When I checked her in there was a sheet where I could write down what her needs where i.e. the time to give her a bottle and if she needed a nap etc... The nursery workers were surprised that I knew the times she would be hungry and tired. Thanks to Babywise. I would get comments like "she was the only baby that didn't cry."
May 22, 2008 1:53 PM
Plowmanators said...
Thanks for sharing that! It is a nice sucess story :)
May 23, 2008 4:44 PM

Reader Questions:

popuri said...
Hi, in our church, the nursery room is open to babies & nursing moms as soon as they turn 1 mth old until they start to walk. The only issue is that they expect non-nursing moms to attend the service no matter what age the kids are. Some kids did great and stay with the roomful of strangers without a tear. My kid just won't. He is shy & gentle by nature and needed someone familier to be around. So I had to stay around. However, I noticed as he grows older 12mths, he begins to warm up to strangers a little better, by smiling, still hiding his face. At least he doesnt cry. So i start to spend some time in the nursery with him until he warms up to the surrounding and then tell him I am leaving and will come and get him later.

I do this progressively and lengthens the time I am away. I also make sure there is a care-giver he will be comfortable with. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it does not. Then I realised he did better in a room with not so many people & when it is not too noisy. We have a different set of care-givers each wk, it is difficult for the child to form relationship with anyone.ps: my son is trained in babywise mtd at home.

Do u have any suggestions how can parents can work together with the church for kids who won't stay without thier moms? Is there something we can do with the current structure? thanks!
July 29, 2008 10:05 PM
Plowmanators said...
Popuri,I don't know if there is really a good solution for you. Does he have independent play at home? If not, that might help. It is hard since he doesn't have consistent people in the nursery. I think what you are doing sounds good. Some kids really don't like other noisy kids, especially when they are the oldest. Otherwise it might just be something you have to continue solowly working ont.
August 1, 2008 11:14 AM

Babywise: So Much More Than Schedules and Sleep Training!