Showing posts with label in action. Show all posts

In Action: Planning the Summer Schedule

I thought I would show you how I planned out my summer schedule.

I followed my own advice I gave in this post: "Planning Your Schedule for Multiple Children"

I started with this list:

You can see I thought through the goals I wanted to work on with each child. I also listed things that needed to happen daily, as well as other activities we could do throughout the summer.

Then I took that information and put it into a document in Excel (I took out the details--and I just noticed I left Brinley's evening blank...oops. Already laminated. I will have to change that next year :) So the gray chunk on her evening isn't supposed to be there.)

I printed it.

Then on the back side, I printed a chore schedule for each day:

Then I laminated it. You could also put it in a page protector. The kids love to consult it to see what they should be doing or what is coming up that day.

And there you have my process. For more details on how I go through this process, be sure to see the post Planning Your Schedule for Multiple Children.

"Four" S's: In Action

If you have never used the "4 S's" from Tracy Hogg (The Baby Whisperer), I highly, highly recommend you do so. I describe it in this post: http://www.babywisemom.com/2009/04/sleep-training-four-ss.html. I once did a poll on the 4 S's, and 97% of people who had used it said they would again. The other 3% were undecided. 97%! That is very high rate of satisfaction. Some people worry about what using the 4 S's will mean for future sleep--for my thoughts on that, see this post: The 4 S's (three years later).

Turn the lights down. I either dim the lights (we have a light dimmer) or turn them off. With McKenna, I also closed the blinds, but Brinley sleeps just fine with her blinds open, so during the day, we have blinds open and close them at night. If I have a baby that sleeps well with blinds open, I leave them open. My idea--I don't know if it is accurate or not, but it is my idea--is that it will help the baby distinguish day and night. However, McKenna was fine with days and nights and slept with blinds closed. When the child moves to fewer naps a day, I will close the blinds for naps. For sure by two naps. I think this helps older children relax for sleep.I am using the 4 S's again with Brinley. I thought I would run down how I have adapted it because I don't do it exactly like Hogg describes. I think people should read about how Hogg does it, but I hope this post will illustrate that you can tweak it to suit you and your baby. Here are my steps:

Swaddle. I then swaddle Brinley. We use the Summer Infant SwaddleMe Blanket .
Sit. We sit in the rocking chair in her room. I hold her over my shoulder, pat her back, and rock. As we rock, I sing her lullaby to her. Once the lullaby is done, I stop the rocking and patting and just rub her back for a bit. Then I stop that and we just sit. I wait for her to relax. She is not the obvious relaxer that McKenna was. With McKenna, I could feel her whole body relaxing. Brinley is usually quite relaxed from the start.
Place in bed. I then stand and lay her in bed. I make sure her SnuggleU is close to her and she is all cozy, then I turn the light off and leave the room.

There are moments of exception. Sometimes she is in some sort of discomfort and instead of having her over my shoulder, I hold her cradle style. I still rock and pat her back. If she is not relaxing over my shoulder, then we do cradle.

Another exception is sometimes she is obviously not in the mood to be held. In those instances, I just put her in her bed. I don't remember this happening with McKenna, but it has happened a handful of times with Brinley.

Sometimes I hold her for a while as she sleeps. If you feel like holding your baby, don't feel like you can't.

Hopefully this description will show you that you can make the 4 S's work for you. Hogg says to not rock, but I find it very natural for me to rock my baby gently. I am not going fast, it is a just a slow, rhythmic gentle rocking. It feels right to me so I do it. Do what feels natural to you.

Room Sharing Log

image source

June 1, we started having Kaitlyn and McKenna share a room. It has been three weeks. Overall, things have gone very smoothly and I am happy with where things are. I though I would share what we did and have done, and how the process has gone.

Preparation

Preparing for any major milestone event helps make the process smoother. I have learned this from potty training, transitioning to a big kid bed, starting a new activity, etc. I figured this would be no different.

First, I asked around for advice. I asked here on the blog and got a whole lot of great advice from you readers. Thank you! I went through your comments with a piece of paper and pen in hand and wrote down the advice. My husband and I then went through it and talked out our game plan and what our rules would be.

An important step we took was to verbally prepare our girls. We actually started talking about it last February or so, and they have been counting down the days to this event. They were so excited. We would talk about the need to respect each other's sleep and that you need to obey.

A great piece of advice a reader gave that I fully agreed with (hence our timing) was to make this big transition when everyone can lose sleep. Do not do it during the school year or right before some huge event that you want the children well-rested for. Know that sleep will be lost. If we had tried to do this when Kaitlyn needed her sleep for something (McKenna is young enough she doesn't have any events going on in life, but Kaitlyn will be starting Kindergarten this fall), it would have stressed me to the max. This way I was only stressed to the upper third :).

To help get the girls excited, I redecorated certain elements in Kaitlyn's room (we moved McKenna in with Kaitlyn) and had them involved in it. Kaitlyn had some things with her name on it that we made work for both (turned KAITLYN blocks into SISTERS for example). I spent two days before our first night moving McKenna into Kaitlyn's room. I moved her clothes and toys over. The girls were excited to see things getting set up.

First Week

The first few nights were THE WORST of the process.

We got the girls ready for bed and then went over the sleeping rules with them. We had only three rules:

Once lights are out, you must whisper
Never wake a sleeping sister
Stay in your bed

That is what we started with.

The first night, we got them down too late. They were at my parents for the day, then we were explaining rules to them and they were excited about the new room set up. We decided to shoot for the best case scenario in putting the girls down. A friend (holla Harmony!) had recommended I just put them down at the same time and let them get used to each other. While on vacation, we have always staggered, but sometimes the one you put down first takes a long time to fall asleep and the second one gets down way too late. We agreed that ideally, they would be able to go to sleep at the same time, especially with a baby coming. We didn't want to be worrying about when to put down child number two while worrying about a new baby. The girls talked (but whispered so they followed the rule) for an hour after they were in bed. Then Kaitlyn woke at 6:40 (I was watching in the video monitor). McKenna soon followed.

They stayed in bed until the light turned green (Kaitlyn has a clock that turns green when she can get out of bed), so that was good. They were both quite emotional that morning--especially McKenna who rarely woke before 8 AM. They were both put down for a nap by 12:30 that day.

With the right perspective, I think it was a good first night. They obeyed the rules. The sleep wasn't perfect. I expected that--that is why we are started 2.5 months before the baby is due. But it is still hard for me to see sleep lost. Also, when you are on the front end of anything, it is hard because you don't know when it will get better. If I knew three nights would be hard and then things would be pretty perfect, I wouldn't have worried so much, but I was worried. I worried if they would ever get it--what were we going to do if the girls stayed up late and woke up early every night?!?!? That would not work once school started. My husband was calm and just reminded me to be patient over and over. One of you needs to decide to be the calm and rational one--that is a must :).

I also had the great advice of many of you who said to give it time, and my friend Raegan even commented to give it two months. I kept that advice in mind while my logical self tried to tell my irrational self to chill out.

The second night, there was improvement. We made sure the girls were asleep early (more advice from a reader!) so that they could visit before falling asleep and still fall asleep at a good time. The both woke around 6:45 or so the next morning.

The third night, I gave Kaitlyn a new rule and she followed it perfectly. Her rule was to ignore McKenna. No matter what McKenna said or did, I told her to just lay there, close her eyes, and try to go to sleep. We changed our "whisper" rule to "no talking"--that is the rule for now. As they get used to sleeping together, we will allow for some visiting before falling asleep, but McKenna is a party girl. She likes to have fun, so if she gets to talk with Kaitlyn, she will.

I was very happy with the progress this night. Kaitlyn fell asleep before McKenna for the first time that night. McKenna is kind of noisy as she falls asleep (or was up to this point). She had this routine where she needed to sing loudly for a bit before she fell asleep. I was been worried about that leading up to room sharing. That night, Kaitlyn fell asleep and stayed asleep through the singing. Before that, she didn't fall asleep until McKenna did first. That was a huge weight off my shoulders--I knew Kaitlyn could fall asleep even if McKenna was noisy and that meant there was hope this would all work.

I determined McKenna was having a hard time with the light from the sun. The sun goes down so late here this tine of year. It is light until about 10 pm. McKenna's old room is super dark. When we moved into this house, I knew it was the perfect room for her because even as a newborn, she did not nap well if there was light in the room (my other kids napped with blinds open). Kaitlyn's room is quite bright--one of the brightest in the house, which is perfect for her because she sleeps great with light. She kept falling asleep at 9:30 when the light got to be less outside.

The fourth night, falling asleep went well. The girls got to bed late because Brayden's baseball game went until 8:30--which is 30 minutes later than we had been putting them down and we still had to come home and get ready for bed. Kaitlyn was asleep within five minutes. McKenna was very quiet until she was trying to figure out if Kaitlyn was asleep or not and was first whispering her name and then escalated to yelling it. Kaitlyn kept sleeping. My husband went in and told McKenna she was breaking two rules ("I am?!?!?"--she has those things memorized better than I do but obviously needed some application training). She then went right to sleep. Great success! I was happy to know Kaitlyn would sleep through McKenna yelling her name. This was another relief for me.

The next morning was not so great. McKenna visited me in my bed, woke me from some crazy dream, and asked where Daddy was at 6:15 AM. I asked what she was doing and she said she needed to go potty. I told her to sit on the potty (which she did and produced nothing). Kaitlyn was going potty. I was going to tuck McKenna in bed, and I was busy telling Kaitlyn to go back to sleep because it was still night when I realized that wouldn't happen with them together. Just like the sun is up late, it is up early. It gets light in the 5 am hour so by 6:15 it is shiny and bright outside.

We had left McKenna's bed set up in the other room just in case I needed to enforce some rules. I knew being separated would be a problem for McKenna. So I put McKenna in her old bed and told them both to go to sleep. McKenna was very upset and I told her she is supposed to stay in bed. She fell asleep and slept until 8:30. I knew I had a great power to hold over her if needed, and I knew that she would remember this separation and try to avoid it from happening again. But I was still not sold on the room sharing and that it would work out long-term. I spent time thinking about other options.

The fifth night, the girls were perfect that night and the next morning! They both fell asleep quickly. McKenna didn't need any rule reminding once she was in bed. They woke just before 7, saw the light wasn't green, and tried to go back to sleep. They never did (light turns green at 7:15), but they tried and that is all I ask. So I was very happy and thought maybe it would work after all.

The sixth night, the girls fell asleep quickly and they slept past the light turning green the next morning. Victory!

Days Since

Things have really only improved since.

One thing that helped McKenna a lot is that I made black-out curtains. Kaitlyn wanted a light pink front and a hot pink lining, so one day I was choosing which hot pink would help with the sun best. As I was doing it, Brayden was giving his input (he has an opinion about home decorating). He told me I needed to use black fabric if I wanted to block the sun. I agreed but wanted it to be colors that matched the room. He then said, "Why don't you just put the black between the two pinks?" Genius! And I did. And the curtains are awesome. The sun is not a factor in anyone waking up nor not falling asleep at night.

Another big help was the placement of white noise. Most everyone with room sharing children seems to stress the importance of having white noise in the room. We had that. Once I moved it between the girls, though, morning sleep improved.

We told McKenna to sneak out if she woke up before Kaitlyn, and she did, but it always woke Kaitlyn up. One mornnig, Kaitlyn was awake and saw how McKenna sneaked, and we realized why. McKenna's idea of "sneak" is not what the standard connotation of sneak is. She crouched as low as she could put her hands up, and basically stomped out of the room. We all got a good laugh out of that.

All in all, things have been good. They are learning to sleep through each other's noises. I am learning how to accommodate two different people who like different sleep environments. Most nights we have zero issues. I now feel confident room sharing will work out great. The girls love sharing a room. An interesting thing is that McKenna falls asleep much faster because she has stopped singing to herself before falling asleep. She lays quiet and still to allow Kaitlyn to sleep, so she just falls asleep. Who would have thought sleep could even improve with room sharing?

No Use Crying Over Spilled Milk...Or Is There?

No Use Crying Over Spilled Milk...Or Is There? Why I get after my kids for spilling milk.

I am typically a very calm, patient person. I have excellent control over my emotions on every level--few people on earth have seen me cry. You no the phrase "no use crying over spilled milk"? I took that to heart. I have always been very patient with spilled milk, even when the spill came due to carelessness or goofing off. Brayden and Kaitlyn both quickly became children who rarely spilled. I just gave a gentle reminder about being careful or not goofing around...

McKenna came along and she is decidedly less careful about such things. She is so happy in life that something like spilling milk all over herself isn't annoying at all. Sure, a nice quality to be happy. Not an inexpensive quality--especially when you get your milk from the local dairy--but it's not about the money (money, money...). I maintained my patience with her.

Then came this glorious April day when I did lose my patience. Here I am, getting ready to go help in Brayden's class. I needed to have myself ready, Brayden ready, and Kaitlyn ready by 8:40 AM. McKenna did not have to be ready, which is nice since she sleeps until 8-8:30 AM. I know some of you are ready and out the door daily much earlier and might laugh at this being a struggle for me, but you do have to understand that with being pregnant and needing to sit still for at least 30 minutes after I eat breakfast or I will puke all over, it cuts into my abilities.

So the scene is that I had five minutes before I needed to be out the door and I hadn't even touched my hair or make-up yet. I was in my room, not far from the kitchen, while McKenna ate breakfast. She called to me requesting more milk. I hurried out there because she is extremely independent and I knew she would get it herself if I didn't do it. Despite my hurry, when I arrived on scene she had successfully spilled the entire half gallon of milk all over the bar, floor, chairs, herself....it was everywhere. I maintained my cool (outwardly). I cleaned this huge mess up. Just as I wiped the last bit of milk, she was doing some dance and her hands came down and spilled the milk in her cup.

At that moment, all patience left me. I literally thought about the advice "no use crying over spilled milk" and decided that is silly advice anyway. At least once a day, I was cleaning up a mess of spilled milk from McKenna and this was getting really old. I got her down from her chair, wiped her up, and informed her that she was done eating breakfast. Just then, my dad walked in the house (he was there to watch McKenna while I was gone), took one look at me and offered to clean the mess up for me. It is amazing how even in my 30s my parents can sometimes just save the day for me sometimes. Aren't parents great?

About a week later, a friend and I were talking about cleaning up milk spills and how old it gets when it hit me. McKenna hadn't spilled milk since that day. It was, in fact, over a month and a half later before she spilled anything again. I realized something: sometimes there is use crying over spilled milk. Sometimes being unendingly patient about it just gives the child no reason to try not to spill it. She was obviously being careless before and had obviously put effort into not spilling.

So I have a new policy. I don't get upset over accidents--and I think that is partially what the old phrase is trying to teach us. Accidents happen, there is nothing we can do about it, and there is no use making a big fuss over a genuine accident. Even adults spill things sometimes. There is no use in crying over what you can't change. You can't change behavior that is purely accidental.

I do, however, get upset over things getting spilled due to carelessness or general goofing around at the table. There will be a consequence for it. It might be as simple as a reminder to be more careful and that we don't play at mealtimes (we can visit, we can enjoy each others company, but we don't tickle or try to grab each other's stuff). It might be that the child needs to have water to drink instead of milk so that the clean-up for carelessness is easy. Maybe the child needs to be done altogether--it is all case by case and moment by moment. And in these cases, crying over the spilled milk, so to speak, leads to behavior chage.

So sometimes you do cry over spilled milk. Sometimes crying once over spilled milk can move the milk from being spilled at least daily to once a month at most. That is useful in my book.

One of Those Moments

And by "Those Moments" I don't mean a good one. It was one of those moments.

There I was, walking out of our church building holding McKenna as she cried. I was closely followed by a crying Brayden and a crying Kaitlyn. As I was walking down the hall I thought to myself, "This is one of those moments when you either laugh or cry." So I burst out laughing. It really was a comical scene.

So what got us to that moment? Ah. Something so simple.

Each winter, our church does basketball games for the men. It was the first basketball game of the season, and my husband's game was at 7 PM.

Historically, the first game of the season has always been a difficult one. It takes a game to get everyone in the groove of knowing expectations and me knowing what to bring to keep things calm.

But I remembered that. I utilized ask and tell before we left. I explained where we would be and what the rules were. They were all well-fed. We brought notebooks and crayons--a sure-win.

But I was sabotaged.

Not intentionally, but the "7:00" game started late--7:20. Considering that my children are usually in bed between 7:30 and 8:00, I really should have seen it coming. My husband must have on some level because he told me that if I needed to leave, he could easily find a ride home.

Things went well until 8:00. Relatively. Brayden and Kaitlyn were good while McKenna was unhappy that she couldn't join the men on the floor playing basketball. But she is young and, though tenacious, can be distracted to have fun with a group of children without much effort. Every so often I had to grab her just as she was about to run out onto the floor.

But at 8:00, Kaitlyn and McKenna started to cry. McKenna's mind was set on that gym floor and she could not be distracted. Kaitlyn was tired from having not slept during her nap that day. So I decided we were leaving.

And there I was, walking down the hall with three tired and disappointed children crying and me laughing.

Why do I tell you this story? To illustrate a couple of things. One is that things are not always 100% smooth sailing for my little family. We have our moments. Those moments. And two is that sometimes despite your best efforts, things still do not go well. Remember my post "It Happens"? It really does happen. And I don't say that to discourage you, but to encourage you so that when it happens to you, you have one of those moments, you can laugh it off and not sit and stress about where you have gone terribly wrong in life.

What do I take from it? Well, for one, we won't be going to any more 7 PM games unless I decide we will just leave at half-time no matter what. For another, I need to do some brainstorming to work on McKenna accepting no and putting her efforts toward appropriate activities. When she gets her mind set on something, she fights until she gets it. It isn't a trait I think is bad--on the contrary I think it is a great trait. So long as I can keep her focused on good goals, I won't have to worry about her :). But I do need to work with her to accept new goals if a goal she has set for herself is not okay.

Related Posts/Blog Labels:

In Action: Potty Training at Night

Kaitlyn potty trained herself quite early--in fact, McKenna is the age Kaitlyn was when she stopped wearing diapers during the day...until McKenna was born and I didn't want her needing to go potty while I was nursing the baby so I put her back in diapers for about 5 months...but that is a whole different story.

So anyway, while she was not wearing diapers in the day, I still had her in diapers at night.

Several months ago, I got thinking it was time to remove the nighttime diaper. She was a little over three.

The problem is that she wasn't showing signs of being ready for no diaper at night. She didn't wake up dry in the morning, even though I was waking her up in the morning, so I knew she was peeing in her diaper at some point in the night some nights.

Still, I just had the feeling she was ready for it.

So I gave her the warning I have talked about, letting her know well in advance that she wouldn't be wearing diapres at night once the box of diapers ran out. As it got closer to the day, I told her how many days.

She would inform me that she wanted to wear diapers at night still. But happily, another desire crept up for her. She wanted to start drinking from regular cups at meals instead of sippy cups. I know, I know. She was old enough. But I rather enjoyed not cleaning up spilled milk at meals.

I then informed her that she could start drinking from a regular cup as soon as she stopped wearing diapers at night. She was immediately interested in the idea. I still kept the date the same for the big move.

The day came. I went in to get her in the morning. She was awake, but had peed in her bed.

Of course my first reaction was that we needed to go back to diapers. She obviously wasn't ready and I had made a huge mistake. Some kids' bladders just aren't ready at that age. No big deal.

But still, I had a feeling that we should try again.

The next morning, she woke up clean and dry! Hurray!

The next morning, she was a little wet.

The next two mornings, clean and dry!

Then a wet morning.

Then a week of dry!

Then a wet morning.

Then months and months of dry!

The moral here? First, stick with your gut. Second, expect accidents along the way. Just because something isn't perfect doesn't mean it isn't the right thing to do. Third, have patience.

Oh how I hated washing her bedding several days a week, but it was worth it.

Another thing, we put her little potty in her room so if she needed to go potty she could easily get to one and we could avoid accidents.

Related Posts/Blog Labels:

in action
potty training
Potty Training and Accidents:http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/11/potty-training-and-accidents.html
Potty/Poop Training Tip: Give Fair Warning

Never Say Never: Illustration

Earlier this month, I wrote a post about "Never Say Never." Shortly thereafter, one of those things I swore I would never do, happened.

We were heading to a nearby farm for some fun in a corn maze and playing on straw forts and such. The whole fall thing. The days were warm and Brayden had been wearing shorts. I told him to go change into some pants so he would be warm when the sun went down. I rushed around getting everything else ready, then we left.

As we were playing, I noticed something. Brayden's pants! Oh no!

You know when you see those kids whose pants are painfully, obviously, too short? Yes, I had said I would never take my child out into public like that. And guess what. I did it.

The child has been growing like crazy lately and I can't keep up with getting the small clothes out of his closet. So there he was, out in public, with pants that were too short. I shook my head and thought to myself, "Never say never." Then I took a picture so I could remember the moment. Here it is:

and that doesn't do it proper justice, so here is another picture:

A Good Heart

My Kaitlyn is a sweet heart with a good heart. She is amazingly maternal. She offers guests drinks and invites them in to sit down. She makes sure everyone has everything they need. The other day her Daddy sat on the couch and closed his eyes and she asked him if he wanted a pillow. She is just always watching out for and taking care of people.

This past weekend, we went to a family reunion. We were able to see my ailing Grandmother. She is in her mid-80s and relatively recently suffered a couple of strokes. She also has Parkinson's disease. Now, for many (I would venture most) people, older people who are ailing like she is makes them uncomfortable. It was hard for me to see her like this. In my mind, she is still my spunky, even fiesty at times, Grandmother who thinks I am the most amazing person on Earth. Somehow she makes everyone feel like that--even though she has about 40 grandchildren (most of whom are married) and 70ish great-grandchildren...even the grandchildren-in-law think they are her favorite. That is my Grandmother. Grandma's body is going, but her mind is as sharp as ever, which I am sure is hard for her.

There were many little children running around (as you might imagine). They were all wrapped up in their imaginary worlds and having fun together. McKenna, of course, is too young to see differences in people and said hi to Grandma and gave her kisses. My sweet little Kaitlyn walked up to Grandma. She was visibly nervous, but she understood this was as moment to show love and compassion even though no one told her to. She plastered a smile on her face and said hi to Grandma. She stood smiling and nodding as Grandma talked to her. After a few minutes she asked me if she could go now, and I told her yes. It made me so happy that she was so sweet and so intuitive to the needs of another person.

The next day Grandma was sitting talking to one of my cousins. She told my cousin that the little kids were all scared of her and wouldn't come by her. Kaitlyn must have over heard that comment. She stopped playing and walked over to Grandma. She was not scared this time. She said hello and gave Grandma a hug. It brought tears to my eyes then and does now as I think about it.

There are nay-sayers out there who claim if you do Babywise with your baby, your baby will grow up to be a compassionless toddler/child. I just wanted to share this story with you to illustrate that the efforts you put in to raising your baby will not produce a disconnected toddler, preschooler, or child.

My Kaitlyn embodies compassion.

Kaitlyn has been a Babywise baby since the day she was born.

Now, my belief is that children come to Earth with personalities of their own. I believe Kaitlyn is someone with lots of compassion within her naturally. We also do a lot more than -wise principles. The center of what we do is focusing on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We teach her and show her how to love. So I am not claiming that -wise principles will create this much compassion in every child. While Brayden was kind and smiled and allowed hugs, he was not exudign the love and compassion Kaitlyn was. He was hugged and he was off running with the herd of children.

But I do think it will help amplify the compassion your child has and help you to be able to worry about teaching things like compassion. I think that Kaitlyn's natural personality along with everything else we have taught her, including -wise principles implemented, have helped her develop into this little girl full of love and compassion. They have definitely not turned her into a child without warmth and love for others. She was the star of the reunion. I had an Aunt with seven of her own children who all are married and all but two have children of their own who told me she wanted to take Kaitlyn home with her. She has plenty of Grandchildren of her own to dote over and still recognized how incredible Kaitlyn is.

What a great example this little girl was to all of us, and what joy she brought to my Grandma.

PS--Please do not read this and walk away feeling like you have failed somehow if your three year old hasn't acted like this. She has her moments. She has her tantrums. She has her fits. She has her lack of desire to share toys with younger children (not older for some reason). She is not perfect. This was one of those pay off moments you get every so often in parenthood that tells you you are on the right path and shows you that your little ball of emotions is growing into a great person.

RELATED POSTS/BLOG LABELS:

In Action: I Goofed

Yeah. I make mistakes too. I really goofed on Sunday. I know it makes a lot of you feel really good when you hear about me messing up, so I thought I would share. As a sidebar, that is kind of disconcerting that there are hundreds of people hoping I fail at something...lol. I get it. You all want to see humanity. So here it is.

We were at church. Our church starts at 1 PM--you know, right about the time Kaitlyn should be going down for a nap. She was tired because we had been camping that weekend. When Kaitlyn is tired, like most kids, she is not so amiable.

At about 2:00 PM, Kaitlyn wanted some of McKenna's pretzels. Well, McKenna also takes an afternoon nap that she misses during church. But McKenna is has chipper as can be if you give her food. I was going to be teaching a lesson during the last hour of church and my husband would have McKenna all to himself, and I didn't want to make it hard on him by letting Kaitlyn eat all of McKenna's pretzels.

I told Kaitlyn she could have two pretzels.

"Five!" she replied.

"Kaitlyn, you may have two, one, or none."

"Five!"

"Two"

"Five" (each time the word five is said, imagine her little body convulsing for emphasis).

"One"

"Five!"

Okay, there is no reasoning with a tired three year old girl. And at this point, I started to realize it hadn't been a good idea to push the "two" idea, but the line had been drawn and I didn't want to give in to a tantrum. I pulled out two and gave them to her. She ate them. She then requested two more.

"No Kaitlyn. I told you that you could have two."

Well, some crying started. I told her to stop. I held her and rocked her, but there was no stopping. I asked her if she wanted to go in the hall. She said no. The hall is no fun for my kids. But the crying did not stop. Finally, I picked her up, at which point she started to cry louder and say, "I don't want to go potty! I don't want to go potty!" Why? I am not sure. Don't ask me to read the mind of an emotional, tired, three year old girl. I guess she didn't want to go potty. Which actually told me that she must need to go potty.

So I took her to the bathroom where she went potty. Of course by this point, it was about 2:08ish. The meeting ends at 2:10 and then she gets to head to nursery.

And that is officially the worst tantrum a child of mine has had a church. And to think it was my Kaitlyn who did it.

So, where did I go wrong?

Mistake #1: I didn't take in my surroundings well. This episode started with about 10 minutes left in the meeting. She couldn't have possibly eaten all of the pretzels in that amount of time. McKenna had other snacks available.

Mistake #2: Under normal circumstances, Kaitlyn would have been fine with two pretzels. Thrilled? No, but not tantrum-driven, either. I didn't account for her over tiredness.

Mistake #3: Once I got to Sunday School after dropping Kaitlyn off at nursery, my amused husband informed me that McKenna doesn't really even like pretzels anyway and usually only eats a few. There was an entire baggie full of them. I should have turned to him from the beginning and asked him how many Kaitlyn could have. You have to realize a pretzel is one of Kaitlyn's top five favorite foods on earth. It is up there with pasta, cereal, corn, and chocolate. Oh yeah, and after church my amused husband informed me that McKenna never ate one pretzel that day. Ugh.

If I had it to do over again, I would probably pull out a handful of pretzels to give to Kaitlyn and avoid the whole situation. You live an learn, right? I am hoping Kaitlyn analyzed the situation herself and thought of some things to do differently next time.

People at my church all were quite amused (although two of my friends really didn't notice, which I was quite disappointed with because I had just endured the worst tantrum ever. And did I mention that to get out I had to trip over people on my way out of the pew? And I was sitting on the second row? I was literally front and center. Of course, one friend had just had cheese crackers sneezed all over her and the other has six kids under 8 and is pregnant, and in her words was quite self-absorbed at that time :) ). Those who noticed had a nice laugh and continued that laugh through Sunday School. At least I have a nice understanding group of people, right? They were all just happy it wasn't their kid.

In Action: Training In Non-Conflict plus Ask & Tell

We recently took another trip to the dentist. As a child, I never minded the dentist. I even liked the dentist. As a mother, I hate the dentist. Our pediatric dentist is a nice man and the kids love him--so no, it is not him. It is the juggling of crying children and trying to talk them into having their teeth cleaned or at least looked at.

One of the worst days of my life as a parent happened about six months ago. I took Brayden and Kaitlyn to the dentist with the help of my mom. Brayden had had surgery on his thumb about 9 months earlier, and ever since had been terrified of the dentist. I don't know why. He didn't show fear of the doctor, but something about the dentist reminded him of the surgery experience.

Both children just cried the entire time and we were unable to do anything other than brush with a toothbrush. Now, I don't really mind that aspect. We have insurance, so I wasn't out any more money than we already pay. I also am not terribly concerned about good cleanings at this age. What I didn't like was the crying and not listening to me.

But I understood. Brayden was terrified and Kaitlyn looks up to Brayden and follows his lead. He was scared so she was scared.

While we were there, I noticed I was literally the only mom having more than one child visit the dentist that day. Not the only one with more than one child there, but the only one with more than one child having a check up. I wondered if I was crazy to try to do them both at the same time. And what would I do when McKenna joined the ranks?!?!?

I decided then and there that we would take separate visits to the dentist.

But as the day approached for our next visit, two sides came out. Side one is logical me. Logical me thought about all of the wasted time I would spend driving there, being there, driving back, driving there, being there, driving back, driving there, being there, driving back. Whew! That was time wasted just typing it out ;)

Side two was stubborn me. Stubborn me said I could do this. Sure, Brayden was scared. But I have the tools to make this a pleasant experience for everyone. I didn't want to take the route of making it one long miserable day for our family [especially me] twice a year. If it was going to be miserable, it could be miserable for 1-2 hours total instead. My driving time alone back and forth for three kids would be about 1.5 hours....we could do this.

So, as usual, logical me and stubborn me won out over whoever that other me is. I set the appointment for all three children at the same time. Oh boy.

But stubborn me does not go beyond my own limits. Logical me informed my husband of the date and told him to take the day off. We were having a family dentist trip.

In the weeks before the appointment, I talked to Brayden about it. I told him he would be going to the dentist. I employed ideas of training in times of non-conflict and also ask & tell. I reminded him of what would happen there. I told him how I wanted him to behave and how I didn't want him to behave. I told him I knew he got nervous, and I understood, but that they wouldn't hurt him and he needed to let them clean and look at his teeth.

We marked the date on his calendar in his room. We practiced on him and let him practice on me.

About a week before, I started the same process with Kaitlyn.

Another good thing we did is my neighbor got in on it. She talked about how great it was to go to the dentist. Her children go to the same dentist, and her son a little more than a year older than Brayden talked about how he thought the dentist was cool because you get a prize when you are done "if you are good."

Brayden was ready.

He was awesome. He hopped up all brave. He opened as big as he could and he let them clean his teeth. He was perfect. I have zero complaints about the whole process. I think that from this point forward, he will be at a point where an adult presence will not be necessary for him, which is great since there are two adults and three children currently.

Kaitlyn acted brave until it was time. She started off amiable, but then she clamped shut and refused. It might have been the hygienist. She was fine until they switched on her. She also might have just reached her breaking point. She was also fine for the dentist. Kaitlyn still has room for improvement, but she was far better. I think next time, I need to do more prep work with her like I did for Brayden this time.

You can practice with a one year old, but you can't mentally prepare a one year old with talk. Just by doing. She did as well as I would hope. She cried, but I think that is actually best because then she opened her mouth :) She didn't cry for the dentist (do you see why I like him? He has a magic touch).

So you can see how well ask and tell as wel as training in times of non-conflict can work. It just takes a little bit of forethought.

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In Action: Remaining Calm For Discipline

I wanted to share a tender moment Brayden and I had the other day. Kaitlyn came to me crying because Brayden pushed her finger. It definitely wasn't a situation that caused her any pain in the least, but I knew he had done it out of frustration, and that is not okay with me in the least.

I could have gotten really mad and sent him away to sit in his room for a while. I could have lectured him about his actions. I could have removed every privilege known to his mind.

And believe me. I kind of wanted to. Any sort of physical aggression by him on a younger sister is absolutely NOT okay with me. At all. I am a patient mother, but when it comes to this, I my patience runs out before it begins.

But this is also very uncharacteristic of him. He never touches people out of anger--even other boys who are egging him on. He just has great control in that way. I had a voice tell me to pause. I knew there was something bothering him. I took a deep breath. Then I told Kaitlyn to go play. I took Brayden into the office and close the doors so we could talk privately.

I took him onto my lap. I asked him if he had pushed Kaitlyn's finger (if you are trying to figure out what that entails, I have no idea. I didn't delve into how exactly you push someone's finger, I just knew she said he had done that). He said that he had. I asked him why and he cried. Brayden takes his mistakes very seriously.

As we talked about what he had done and why it wasn't okay, he told me he was feeling very sad. I asked him why. He said he didn't know; he just felt sad.

I then went on to tell him that a great thing to do when we feel sad is to do service for other people. I explained that service makes us happy. He asked me how I knew. I told him that Heavenly Father had told us through scriptures and I had tried it and found it to be true. We talked about how we learn the word of God through reading scriptures and how he is a God of Truth and everything He says is true. Brayden then cried because he didn't know how to read scriptures yet, and I explained that is the reason we read scriptures to him each night.

We had a great conversation. It was a tender moment where I was able to teach him some truths. I would have missed that opportunity if I had reacted out of anger instead of love.

Now, he was still required to ask for Katilyn's forgiveness. He worried she wouldn't forgive him, but of course she did (that is the great thing about two year olds, right?). He lost a privilege for being unkind to his sister.

But he also learned a great lesson during our talk. I also learned he was feeling sad. We practiced doing some service to see how we felt afterward, and he was able to learn that service does bring happiness.

This is an example of finding teaching moments as they come and taking the opportunity to teach them. Teaching moments are so much more powerful than sit-down lectures.

So as your children make wrong choices, remember to stay calm. Use it as a teaching moment--not simply as s punishment moment. Yes, there are consequences for choices, but that doesn't require anger or retraction of love from the parent. Show love as you offer discipline, and your child will feel that you do it out of love. I don't mean to lead you to believe the child will hug and kiss you and thank you for offering discipline, but the child will feel your love and know you love him.

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In Action: Making Babyfood

I wouldn't consider myself a babyfood-making expert, but I have done it enough that I can write about it. When Brayden was a baby, I was reading about making babyfood in What to Expect the First Year. In it, they basically said that you really couldn't match the sanitary conditions of baby food making companies. Because of that, I decided I wouldn't try it. I didn't want to get my baby sick!

Looking back, I really wish I hadn't read that, or at least that there had been more encouragement in What to Expect the First Year. Once I had been doing this blog for a few months, Kaitlyn was coming up on one year old. I had noticed that there were a lot of moms out there who made their own baby food. I asked about it, and so many of you told me how easy it was. I decided when I had my next baby, I would try making baby food.

Let me tell you, it is easy! It is a lot easier than you would ever imagine. Yes, it takes time. Yes, it takes more time to make babyfood than it does to buy babyfood (unless you live really far from the store...but you go to the store to buy food for your family already). So why would I do it when I have three kids? Here are my reasons (in no order):

SANITATION: Wait, didn't I just comment about what that book said? Didn't it say your kitchen could never match the sanitary conditions of baby food manufacturers? Yes I did. Things have changed. Or I have changed. I don't necessarily believe that anymore. There have been so many recalls recently in the United States. I am not trying to get political, but when large corporations recall food because people are dying, and they then disclose that there are dead rats in the plant...it makes me skeptical. I am disillusioned. I no longer trust these companies implicitely. Yes, I once did. I can be naive. I am the type to trust until my trust is broken, but then it is hard to earn my trust back. I definitely hope that babyfood manufacturers are more cautious and careful, but I don't know that they are. I know what is in my kitchen. I have full control over it.
HEALTH: My guess is that babyfood manufacturers make their food as soon as they can after picking it. That is my hope. However, I grow a garden, and I have food right in my backyard. What I don't grow, my husband's grandparents do. I am very fortunate in this way. I know what is done to my vegetables and fruits. I can also make the babyfood as soon after harvesting as possible. Fruits and veggies lose nutrients as they are harvested, so the sooner they are prepared, the better. This is a benefit I have and one compelling reason for me to make babyfood myself.
MONEY: Along the same lines, money! Since we grow a garden and can get so much for free, it seems silly for me not to make it. It is free babyfood! If you don't grow a garden, it is still a lot less expensive (in most cases) to make it yourself if you buy it from the store. There are times of year that certain things are quite expensive (like fruit around here in the winter months).
CHALLENGE: Okay, I admit it, I like a challenge. It was something I hadn't done before and I wanted to see if I could.
REWARD: I find it very rewarding to make the food from scratch. I actually get a bit giddy inside when I make McKenna her food.
TASTE: I find it tastes good enough I would eat it, which I can't really say for all store bought baby food.

Now, I find making babyfood to be easy. Most people seem to agree, though some say it is hard. Yaron (author of Super Baby Food) says she thinks it is easy and she is no cook. I do cook. I make most things from scratch. I even grind my own wheat to make bread...so I can't say it is easy from a non-cooker point of view, but others have. Let me point out that I have been making baby food while having three children, packing my house, moving, and unpacking my house. I can only imagine how much easier it would have been if I had done with while Brayden was my lone child and we weren't moving :)

For anyone interested in making babyfood, I encourage you to try. I also want to point out that for me, making babyfood is not an all or nothing situation. McKenna does get store-bought babyfood. I like to keep it on hand for traveling. I also give her store-bought before I can make it. I like to make it in masses, and I have been making it as it has been in season. Thankfully, for me, not everything is in season at the same moment. Also, she has been getting store-bought prunes. Amy, a blog reader, told me she buys prunes and makes them. I have purchased some prunes and intend to make them, but I am making my food that will spoil first.

So my point is, you can make some baby food at home and feed some store bought baby food.

SUPPLIES
You really don't need much for making babyfood, and you probably have just about everything you will need already.

Knife
Cutting board
Peeler
Possibly a pan for cooking if you are making things like peaches before baby can have them raw.
Cookie sheet/baking pan (if you want to bake things in the oven, like squash).
Spoon
Bowl
Oven
Freezer
Ice cube trays
Wax paper or cling wrap

Okay...there might be something missing from the list, but so far, you can see that it is really basic. There are a couple of things you might not have:

Blender or Food Processor. We have a Cuisinart, but I actually mostly just use at little food processor that looks similar to this: Continental CE22361 Mini Chopper
This is not a necessity, but I find it invaluable: KidCo Baby Food Maker and Mill. It is so easy to use. It strains the food. I use this more than anything else.

MAKING FOOD TIPSI won't go into the process of making things here; that would be one very long post. Here are my tips for making the process it easier on yourself:

MAKE IN BULK: I make it all in bulk. It takes about the same amount of time to make one ice cube tray of food as it does one, so it saves more time if you make more at a time.
MAKE ONLY WHAT YOU NEED: While you want to make in bulk, the food only lasts so long. Try your best to calculate about how much your baby will eat before it goes bad and make that much. For example, peaches last two months in the freezer. You don't want to make 6 months worth at one time and have to throw 4 months worth away.
MAKE WHAT YOU CAN STORE: You will find baby food quickly starts to take up a lot of space in your freezer. We already owned two refrigerator/freezer combos, and both freezers are stuffed full. Just today, we bought an upright freezer. I jokingly told a friend that I guess making babyfood didn't save us much money after all :). We had actually been planning on buying one anyway. It just moved up the priority list with all of the baby food. So make what you can store in your freezer. If you want a rounded menu (green veggies, orange veggies, and fruits), you won't be able to make so much at one time and fit it in one freezer.
INVOLVE THE FAMILY: Making babyfood alone isn't hard, but it does take time. If you can involve another member of the family, it can shave a lot of time off. I even have Brayden help me (he loves to help in the kitchen). I have him twist the food mill while I push it down. Doing it a few times by yourself is no problem, but 20 times later, your hands start to hurt! It really is a big help to have Brayden help me.

STORING TIPS

FREEZER BAGS: I put my baby food into freezer bags once it is all frozen. Yaron suggests using small freezer bags. I have found this to be a good idea. When you open and close over and over, the food doesn't stay as fresh, so the smaller the bag, the less food to go through while trying to keep it fresh.
LABEL: Be sure to label it. Peaches and squash look a lot alike when frozen.
GROUP IT: I put my food in small freezer bags, but then put one of each bag that I am using into a gallon sized freezer bag. This helps in a few ways. One is that it is extra protection for the food being stored. Another is that it is easy to find the food I need each morning when I am getting the food out. Before I started doing this, I would search through the freezer trying to find a particular bag. You might put things back in the same spot, but if more than one person lives in your house who uses the freezer, he (or she) might not.

USING FOOD TIPS

GET IT OUT: Each morning, I get out what McKenna will eat for the entire day and put it in bowls with lids on them. I then put the bowls in the refrigerator so the food can start to defrost.

RESOURCES
There are two resources I like best.

Wholesome Babyfood.com: This is a great site, and is really the only resource you would need. Something nice about a website is that it is dynamic and they keep current recipes on the homepage. For example, as I write this post, it is October and they have a quick link to pumpkin recipes for baby. It offers lots of different recipes for each food. If you check out the avocado section, you will see several different ways to prepare avocado for your baby. This isn't really necessary; baby is fine with the same old thing over and over, but you might find it fun.
Super Baby Food : This is my favorite resource. I am more of a book person than a website person. I like to have books to look through. I keep this book in my kitchen with my recipe books. This book is worth it even just for the section on how to choose, store, prep, make, and keep all fruits and veggies. I use it for the whole family! If you prefer books, I would get this.

Please add your own tips! Like I said, I am new at this. I am sure many of you have some great things to add.

DISCLAIMER
If you do not feed your baby homemade baby food, please do not take this post as an attack at you. You do not now need to fret or worry about this. I only intend this to be encouraging for anyone out there who wants to try, not a condemnation for those who don't want to try.

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In Action: Cry It Out

I recently went through Cry It Out (CIO) with McKenna and learned a few new things this time around. She was nearly three month old, so much older than my older two children were when they started CIO. Brayden started CIO at about 9 weeks. Kaitlyn started CIO at 5 days. McKenna was 12 weeks old.

The reason she had never done CIO is because she never needed it. She didn't cry at all before naps until then even though I put her down awake for every nap since 3 days old.

The first several times she cried before naps, I went to her. I assumed something was wrong since she hadn't cried in nearly three months before a nap. I found it odd. But I couldn't find anything wrong with her. She didn't cry before every nap. It was usually the third nap. Over a few days, it started creeping into other naps.

Since I was used to her going to sleep rather quickly, I worried she would become overly tired and throw off her entire day, so I moved her to the swing. One day, she started crying before her first nap. This was when I knew I needed to start CIO. I knew I had her waketime perfect for her first interval and her crying was protest crying. At nearly three months, she was getting more and more social. I figured she was not pleased with her social hour ending. I don't think McKenna hates naps like Brayden did (does), but I also don't think she has the love of them that Kaitlyn did (does). She is pretty neutral, so if something more appealing is going on, she will choose that instead.

Despite the fact that I have done this before, I found a book particularly worthwhile as I faced this situation. The book is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Many of you blog readers love this book and wanted me to review it, so I had ordered it from Amazon, not knowing what it contained. It came a few days before I started CIO. This book is very helpful for doing CIO--but more on that in future reviews of the book.

One Monday morning, I mustered up my resolve and was ready to face CIO. I was not excited. It isn't fun. I had done the four S's from The Baby Whisperer from birth, though we only ever needed to use the first three. I told my husband this was not fair; I had been careful and diligent and did not want to start CIO now. He told me if anyone could, it was me. So I faced the music.

Well, she must have sensed my resolve. She didn't cry for long. It was only a few minutes. Perhaps I should have allowed her to cry a bit in the first place? By her third nap, she wasn't crying at all anymore. She did take a long time to fall asleep, though. I sat and watched her in the video monitor. I was tempted to run up and put her in the swing so she would be able to get a good nap in. I told myself no. For whatever reason, she was needing to re-learn how to fall asleep on her own. I needed to leave her be and let her fall asleep. She wasn't even crying! I needed to be patient and allow the learning process to happen.

Prior to this week, she had been taking about 20-30 minutes to fall asleep (not crying, just taking that long). Hogg says this is normal, but it really just didn't feel right to me. After this CIO process, she was going to sleep within a few minutes. Here are a few things that just clicked with the week:

Waketime Length: I finally figured out her optimal waketime length for all but one interval (that is the last one). She goes to sleep fine for it, but takes a short nap. This might be totally normal, though, since she is old enough to be having a short fourth nap.
Stimulation: In Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, Weissbluth states to expose your child to lots of stimulation so he will be tired enough for nap time. I realized I was still trying to protect McKenna from stimulation like I had when she was a newborn. I needed to start exposing her to more stimulating activities now that she was older. This seemed to help a lot.
Darkening: Also in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, Weissbluth says to darken the room for naps. Hogg (the Baby Whisperer) also says to do this. Now, I did/do this with Brayden and Kaitlyn, but their rooms have white blinds. It darkens the room, but it doesn't make the room dark. With McKenna, we went with dark brown blinds. They really make the room dark. I didn't want her to require a dark room to sleep. However, I decided to give it a shot. I decided that she sleeps at home most of the time and if she needs a darker room to sleep, she needs a darker room! There is no logical reason to fight it like I was. This also rippled into keeping her room much, much cooler so it isn't so hot in the afternoon.
Eye Contact: Before I would leave the room, I would look McKenna in the eye and tell her to go to sleep. That seemed to help.

In the end, I think it was really good for McKenna to have had the four S's from the beginning. It was an easy, gentle way to help her sleep (though keep in mind that we never had to get to the fourth S). As she got older, she didn't like being held before the nap so I stopped it. Eventually, she started crying before naps. Since she already had skill at going to sleep on her own, the crying was not prolonged once we started CIO.
One week after starting this CIO process, there were still some naps that McKenna will cry before randomly. It usually lasted only 1-2 minutes tops (it often stopped as soon as I shut her door). But the process was much faster and much more painless than it was with Brayden and Kaitlyn overall. Two weeks after starting the CIO process, she goes down to sleep without a peep and falls asleep quickly. She goes to sleep well on her own and greets me with a smile when her nap is over. I am happy to have this process over with :)
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