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Myths versus Realities of Babywise

Myths versus realities of Babywise

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My first child was basically born back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth so far as the Internet is concerned. The Internet existed, but it wasn't on the top five list of places you would turn to for information. Because of that, my husband and I happily parented him, our Babywise baby, for two years before we even realized there was any sort of controversy surrounding On Becoming Babywise.

It was when my second child was born and had reflux that I looked to the Internet for Babywise help (plus dinosaurs had gone extinct, so enlightenment had begun). I wanted to know how people with reflux babies also did Babywise and I figured the Internet was just the place to find them. 

You can imagine my utter shock when I did a simple Google search! I was baffled. Absolutely flabbergasted. Could these people have possibly read the same book I did?!? The reality is the vast majority of people making claims online about what Babywise "says" have not in fact read the book. They have only read other people's claims about the book. There are some, however, who have read the book, which leaves me confused. Anyway, I was in shock that day. I had loved Babywise in the two years that I had been using it. This was nearly a decade ago, and really "in those days" there was nothing but negative commentary about Babywise online. Anyone who did Babywise kept mum about it for fear of being bullied. The fear was justified.

I hated that moms felt scared to share how they parented. It sad to the moms who had to "hide" how they parented. Moms who had to just smile and shrug when people said, "How did you ever get so lucky?!?" or "What is your secret!" It was also sad to the moms who would never hear the positive there is about Babywise. The moms who would try it if not for the negative comments. The families who would benefit immensely from the program.

I started this blog to get positive information out there. Slowly, over time, more and more people have been willing to be open about parenting with Babywise, and more and more people are therefore realizing it isn't what the horror stories are made of. 

One of my first missions was to battle the myths surrounding Babywise. Over the course of the first four months of this blog existing, I wrote a series refuting the common myths of the day surrounding Babywise. 

Something fascinating happened over time. As people with Babywise spoke out more, and therefore other people saw that Babywise babies were very happy, alert, and intelligent little cuties, the myths left baby land. It was no longer "Here is the list of terrible things that will happen to your baby if you do Babywise." It turned to "Here is the list of terrible things that will happen to your child if you do Babywise." The baby thing had been soundly proven wrong, but the babies and toddlers of this generation of mothers were still young enough that claims could be made that as soon as they turned five or six, the child would turn into a complete mess--all because of Babywise.

Enough time has passed now that I think that has started to be dampened, also. All of those babies and toddlers from 7-8 years ago are preteens and still managing to function very well in life. In fact, many anti-babywise groups died off in the last couple of years. 

Let me quickly note that I am in no way claiming Babywise is the answer for every family. It isn't necessarily a good fit for everyone. That's fine. I do not believe there is only one right way to raise a child. 

I am, however, emphatically saying that using Babywise will NOT damage your baby if you follow the guidelines. I am saying your child will NOT become incapable of functioning in society. I am saying I love Babywise and if I had to do it all over again, I would follow the same path. My children currently range from 4-11.5 and I have no hint of regret with the way we have raised them so far. 

Despite the progress over the years, there is often still great misunderstanding. In order to shed some light on this, the ladies of the Babywise Friendly Blog Network (BFBN) and I are going to spend the week addressing some myths. Today I want to discuss the basic myths versus realities of Babywise.




As I stated, I once dedicated an entire series to combating these myths. This one is my personal favorite: 

Here are the rest of myth-busting posts:

Myths versus realities of Babywise

Dream Feed and Babywise

Dream Feed and Babywise. What the Dreamfeed looks like for a Babywise mom and her baby. How to properly do the Dreamfeed with your Babywise baby. 

Dream Feed and Babywise. What the Dreamfeed looks like for a Babywise mom and her baby. How to properly do the Dreamfeed with your Babywise baby.


When Brayden was a baby, I somehow managed to parent him without the benefit of the Internet. Of course the Internet existed then, but it was not even in the top ten list of what you would turn to when you had questions in life. We muddled through and made it out okay.

When Kaitlyn came along, I figured I would be just fine as a parent because really things had, in the end, gone quite well with Brayden. As is the case with children, however, she was different. She was an angel baby, but she had reflux. This reflux added a dimension of uncertainty to my day. After a few weeks of parenting her the old fashioned way, I had the bright idea to see what the Internet had to offer. 

What I found was that most parents with babies with reflux had it really bad. Because of our use of Babywise, we really had it quite good. Turning to moms with babies with reflux got me no where. They thought a good night was one where their baby didn't scream all night long. I had higher aspirations than that (and Kaitlyn already wasn't screaming. Again, angel baby). Despite knowing we had it good, I wanted wisdom. I wanted to find moms who were seasoned with life experience who had done Babywise with a reflux baby who could give me advice. 

I didn't find it. I did find Babywise groups, but I also found that I was the seasoned mom with experience in these groups. Instead of being mentored, I was the mentor. It has led me here to this blog and was therefore a rich and rewarding experience. I rather enjoy helping parents become the best parents they can be.

Being a mentor doesn't mean you never learn anything, though. I may have been mentoring, but I have always had plenty to learn from others. I have always picked up great tips and tricks along the way, as well as terminology.

Optimal Waketime Lengths for Toddlers (12-24 Months Old)

It isn't only babies who need their waketime length correct. It is also toddlers. A toddler who is up too long can get grumpy and stay awake through the entire nap time, which leads to a less-than-fun evening. A toddler who is not awake long enough before nap time can stay awake through the entire nap...which again leads to a rough evening. If you want your toddler to nap well, you need waketime length correct. 

How long a toddler should be awake

Caring about naps and night sleep doesn't go away when your baby leaves "baby" and moves to "toddler" (and won't go away after that, either!). When I recently posted a helpful graphic on Optimal Waketimes for 0-12 Months, many of you asked for one for the toddlers, too. So here you go! I love to know what you want and need, so please always give that feedback. 

You can view this graphic on this blog--you can bookmark the page or Pin the image. You can also view it on my Drive. I have added it to my Chronicles Book of Logs. When you purchase that ebook, you will have it included. 

How long a toddler should be awake infographic

Poll Results: Evolving Approaches to Babywise


Here are the results to the Evolving Approaches to Babywise poll. This poll was requested by Facebook readers. You can see my own story here: Evolution of Babywise at our House

If you read nothing else, this was my favorite comment from reader kmdhart. Many said something similarly and it summarizes how I feel also:
Practically, nothing really changed in how we implemented Babywise. What did change was my attitude. I had been through it before, and I knew all the hard days would come to an end, and the hard phases would disappear until the next one came around. I knew that we would all be okay if something was a little off. I didn't expect perfection from DS, and then get upset when I didn't get it. It was a much more pleasant experience because I was able to shrug things off and let them go.


1-How did your sleep policies change from child to child, if at all?

  • Great question. I have three children and lots of changes were made from 1st (baby Sears baby) to 2nd ( strictly scheduled, but started BW when he was 1yr) to 3rd ( BW from birth).
  • I became more realistic in my expectations. With my oldest, I tried napping him out in the open for the first seven weeks or so to "get him used to sleeping in noise". I think that was really naive. It didn't help him learn to sleep through anything. By the time he turned 8 weeks, he wasn't sleeping during the day hardly at all. It was way too stimulating for him. With YDS I started his naps in a dark quiet room much earlier, and I also paid more attention to his individual needs rather than setting lofty "I'm going to teach him to x y z" goals. Sleep was the priority. 
  • I am still pretty set on sleep time.
  • They didn't change much at all; we stayed very firm on sleep times for both kids. It helped that they were 14 months apart, so DD was still taking 2 naps. 
  • We did babywise from the beginning with both children, so we are big on good sleep and consistent sleep and nap times.
  • I have gotten more particular and "on target" with my methods with each progressive child.

2-How did your playtime policies change from child to child, if at all?

  • I've become more directive with all my children, but also less strict. When my first started room time it was a shock for her and rather upsetting. With my 3rd it's a natural part of her day. She can handle IPT, even after a long travel break, much easier than her sister could with consist
  • I don't think they changed much. 
  • I wish I would have started my first with IP from day #1 and also been consistent, trying to do that now, with DS #2.
  • Also didn't change much. We implemented IP for our son, while keeping it the same for DD.
  • With child 1 we had a lot more one on one playtime and went more with the flow. Adding a second child required getting the 1st child to play more independently. My second child plays more independently than my first did. Now we try to have individual playtime and together playtime built into the day.
  • Kept it the same if not more strict. 

3-How did your nursing/bottlefeeding policies change from child to child, if at all?

  • I was more aware of how feeding needs would change during growth spurts, wonder weeks, etc. with my second and learned to anticipate them and roll with them rather than just react to them. With ODS I also followed his lead for when he needed to extend his schedule. With YDS I had to nudge him along a bit more or he would never have changed anything. Their personalities are quite different.
  • I am a little more relaxed in feeding DS #2 with more formula or food at feeding times if he wants it.
  • I was a lot more relaxed this time around. I didn't get worried if DS didn't seem to eat much, or if he spit it all back up. I also didn't get quite as upset when my milk supply dropped and I had to switch to formula.
  • They did not change. I breastfed and had both children take a bottle occasionally since I work PRN.
  • I breastfed with all, but with my third was more willing to feed immediately upon thinking they were hungry to make sure my milk supply was up. 

4-How did your solid foods policies change from child to child, if at all?

  • I'm stricter at meals with my 3rd than I was with my 1st and 2nd re: manners, cleanliness and trying every food (a bite at each meal).
  • I did BLW with both boys but will not use it for our next child. 
  • Both of my boys were hearty eaters as babies so I am trying to encourage DS #2 with more finger foods and different types of foods instead of just baby foods.
  • We did BLW with DS. It sounded like a fun and easy way to do things, and it was. We all had a very messy blast. It also allowed me to have my hands free to help DD with her meals. 
  • Similar solid food policies. My second has food allergies and difficulty gaining weight, so have to be much more particular about what is offered.
  • Same. 

5-How did your policies vary on consistency from child to child, if at all?
  • It was very easy to be consistent with just one child. Having two was harder. I'll leave it at that. 
  • With 1 child it was a lot easier, but I am finding I need to be very consistent now with 2.
  • Not much. We've always been very consistent.
  • Haven't changed.
  • Same of heart, but perhaps a tad less consistent in discipline with the second as he wasn't the only thing I was doing
6-How did your policies vary on flexibility from child to child, if at all?
  • I refined my definition of flexibility with my second child, who falls in the "spirited" end of the personality spectrum and did not handle changes in the routine well. I had to learn where our "flexible" became just "random" and how to keep that balance for his sake. That meant allowing for disruptions one day but then being extra vigilant the next to make sure he was on his routine. It was a sort of planned spontaneity. 
  • I am more flexible with DS #2. It is not the end of the world if we are late on a nap or off schedule a bit.
  • I was able to be more flexible with DS. He's also an amazing sleeper, so that makes it easier. There were times when we were late with a nap, and we all survived just fine!
  • My flexibility has increased! My second child is also very easy going so that helps.
  • I was more committed to adhering to the schedule, but was more mentally able to relax if things didn't go to plan. 
7-Is there a general summary on how your approach changed to Babywise from child to child (if at all)?

  • Though my first two werent baby wise babies they were BW toddlers. Biggest changes I e seen are how confident I feel, how happy my kids are (the change with stressful at first as I was trying to get control) and how my youngest asks for things like TT and PNP which my other kids never did. They love the structure. The older ones will now ask what their options are when it comes to playing. Hehe.
  • I became a lot more confident with my second child. With ODS (who is now almost 3) I was more fretful, trying to follow the right formula, trying to teach as many good habits as I could (as misguided as some were--see #1), worrying when we were off our routine due to illness or holidays or unexpected plans, and being baffled by things like growth spurts and witching hour and how they wrecked havoc on our schedule.

    With YDS I was much more relaxed but also more strict. I didn't re-read the book but relied on my past experience with ODS and the wisdom of the moms on the BW forum. I started the schedule earlier than I had with ODS. I felt more confident in how my hard work would pay off in the long run, and so was able to roll with the punches in setbacks like a 8-9 week long witching hour run or a bout of pneumonia at 3 months that caused me to have to wake him to feed him in the night so I could give him antibiotics (when he was already STTN.) 
  • I want to implement IP time and more structure with the kids when we are at home together.
  • Practically, nothing really changed in how we implemented Babywise. What did change was my attitude. I had been through it before, and I knew all the hard days would come to an end, and the hard phases would disappear until the next one came around. I knew that we would all be okay if something was a little off. I didn't expect perfection from DS, and then get upset when I didn't get it. It was a much more pleasant experience because I was able to shrug things off and let them go.
  • Overall it has remained similar. I think my flexibility for our schedule has increased. I still try to schedule activities around naptime. Implementing it was more of a challenge in terms of helping the second child get back to sleep or down for a nap without interruptions. It also took longer to get to know my second child's cues.
  • I think I actually began to do Babywise as it was intended. A parent-directed feeding model. The first had me so tied up in knots that we'd all die if a nap was missed. I'd lose sleep and get grey hairs if I had to troubleshoot. With each subsequent child (on 3 currently) I have managed to adhere to the schedule in a way that I view as better with each child, and yet I have been able to be flexible when needed, loosen up mentally when I had to, and just not based my sanity on whether or not the day had great naps. They usually do, but when they don't, I'm okay now.
Feel free to add your own story on this post!

Evolution of Babywise at our House



Many parents find the way the implement Babywise evolves from child to child. Like most families, we have also evolved. I think, however, that we have evolved differently than people expect parents to evolve--and maybe even differently than people typically evolve. We have moved from a family who "does" Babywise to a family who "is" Babywise.

Baby #1
We started the pattern of Babywise when our oldest (Brayden) was 4 weeks old and the full thing at 9 weeks old. We started out pretty relaxed about the whole thing. Implementing Babywise took us from complete chaos to predictability. Things weren't picture perfect, but they were so immensely improved that we were thrilled. We didn't worry about having disruptions (I think we should have worried more about it) and we were still trying to live our old life more than figuring out what new normal needed to be with a baby in our lives.

The whole thing was completely new to us (and by "whole thing" I mean parenting). There was much we missed in implementing Babywise as we were basically doing the basics here. As time went on, I read and re-read the books and picked up on things I had missed (I think my brain was filtering out what I couldn't handle). Because of this, things like signing and independent play didn't start until he was over a year old. His third nap wasn't dropped until about 9-10 months old when I realized he should be taking two instead of three.

Parenting was so new to us that the implementation of Babywise was pretty loose. As Brayden got older, we implemented more and more and by the time Brayden was a little over a year, we were doing all things except blanket time (which I still hadn't noticed was even talked about). We became very consistent. A big reason for this is we grew to realize that Brayden didn't handle inconsistency well. He was pretty particular. He needed his nap to start in a narrow window of time (my only child to be so particular). He also needed certain things in his routine to be the same each day or he had a hard time. It is ironic he was my most inflexible child because we were the most flexible with him as a baby.

Baby #2
When Brayden was 22 months old, we welcomed our second baby into the world. She was in reality our first newborn experience in implementing Babywise. By this point in our parenting, we were belivers in consistency. We were also big believers in starting as you meant to go on. We had done a lot of "re-training" with Brayden that frankly we didn't think were fair to knowingly make Kaitlyn learn one way of doings only to change it up on her later. We worked hard to start as we wanted things to be long-term.

But we were still quite flexible. She was a very flexible baby and we could disrupt her without her having major setbacks. We were careful about it, though. I was careful to make sure we didn't have disrupted days back to back if we could help it.

We implemented Independent Play from birth and dropped naps based on when she was ready for them.

Kaitlyn was an easy baby, but had her challenges because she had reflux. Because of this, she often finished naps in the swing (or took the whole nap in the swing). We learned a baby can do such things at times and still sleep well in the crib later in life.

Baby #3
When Kaitlyn was 23 months old, McKenna was born. I thought Kaitlyn was flexible, but McKenna was even more-so flexible. However, I rarely asked it of her to use that flexibility. I started from the beginning to have her sleeping well and falling asleep on her own and she did that without crying. I had learned the hard way the importance of having correct waketime length and not having too much stimulation. I wanted to do what I knew was best for her. Along with that desire, it was much easier for me to take care of my almost two year old and almost four year old with McKenna sleeping well.

I continued to implement things from a birth--good sleep habits, good eating habits, and independent play were of utmost importance. We worked around her schedule as much as we could.

One thing I slacked off on with McKenna was requiring the same level of obedience. There was a certain amount of "Oh she is just a baby" and tolerating things I never did with Brayden and Kaitlyn. For a long time, it wasn't a problem. McKenna was a sweet little baby. She also had her daddy wrapped right around her entire body (not just finger). She was a major daddy's girl and he let her do just about anything and have a million chances.

But once she hit about 18 months (I find this is when personality really starts to impact behavior), she showed her strong-willed side. My slackness in obedience requirements quickly caught up to me. We were able to hep that through effort and consistency. She is still super sweet--her sweet disposition as a baby was real. She just also very much has a mind of her own.

Baby #4
When McKenna was just over 3 years old, Brinley was born. With Brinley, it almost felt like having a first child all over again except this time with wisdom on my side. Having a baby with the youngest being older than three was a much easier experience than it had been to have two young children. I was better able to give more focus to Brinley than I had been able to do when McKenna was a baby.

We were the least flexible with Brinley's schedule than any of our other children. This is pretty backward from how families often find themselves. They usually find their baby spends most of her life in the carseat as she is being hauled from event to event. I didn't want that for Brinley. I value sleep. I had time to see the benefits of following Babywise on my children as they were older. The benefits are so worth it to me that I was more than willing to do what it took to protect Brinley's sleep and consistency in life. Much like my experience with McKenna, I found it was easiest for me to attend to my other children if I could keep my baby on a consistent schedule.

But respecting Brinley's sleep didn't mean we took the year off of doing anything or that I missed every soccer game. We carpooled to everything we could (which is just an amazing thing to do whether you have a young baby or not--I love the carpool). We got babysitters to "watch" Brinley if something conflicted with her nap. She was such a good and predictable sleeper that I could confidently go to something during a nap and know she would be okay. I signed the kids up for lessons and activities at times that I knew would be most optimal for a baby--through my three babies I had seen we had a very similar schedule with all three and I knew I could do a lot to impact her schedule to work with ours. For more on this topic, see Managing Baby Plus Older Kids' Activities.

With Brinley, I also stuck to the sign language and the independent playtime. Some things, like independent playtime, have been harder to be fully consistent with. With various activities, it is hard to find a time of day that can be done each day. We just do the best we can and she is a flexible person and rolls with it.

I have also been very careful to not let the "cute baby" thing distract me from discipline. I enjoy the cuteness in my head but correct it. And I have been so very glad I have with having injured my foot. I have needed her to be responsive to my voice since I am about the quarter of her speed--I can't chase her down so she needs to do what I tell her to just because I told her to. And she has been great!

Conclusion
I think most people would assume a person goes from being consistent and sticks to the schedule and "rules" tightly and then relaxes as years go on. I think that is the stereotype and the way some people go. You can see we haven't really been that way. I stress less. I worry less about bad naps or grumpy moods. I am better able to look at big pictures instead of honing in on one event. I know months of work can't be ruined by one off day. But I believe fully in the benefits of Babywise. I hope that is obvious. Because of that, I have stuck to the tenets of Babywise and have enjoyed the results time after time. I know the efforts are well worth it and I have faith in putting that effort in that I need to.

How have you changed as you have had more children?

Read 5 reasons I love Babywise here.

How Is A Babywise Mom Defined?


I was reflecting on what it means to be a "babywise mom." What is a babywise mom like? What actions does she take as a parent? It struck me how very diverse babywise moms are. Let me elaborate.

Among babywise moms, you will find a whole spectrum of parenting practices. You will find moms who would label themselves as crunchy (for those who don't know, "crunchy" is the new "granola"). One mom commented based on the definition of crunchy that she must be "soggy" :). You will find moms who cloth diaper and moms who use disposable diapers. You will find moms to do early potty training and moms who use diapers until the child is begging to wear underwear.

If you talk to a group of Babywise moms, you will find moms who breastfeed for a year. You will find moms who follow extended breastfeeding far beyond a year. You will find moms who breastfeed from every interval between 0-12 months. You will meet moms who have never breastfed and feed formula. You will also find moms who label themselves as "exclusive pumpers" and pump milk to feed their babies through bottles.

You will find moms who follow baby led weaning and moms who stick to purees until baby is a bit older. You will get to know moms who birth at home with a midwife and moms who birth at the hospital and an epidural, and everything in between.

You will find moms who are "stay at home" moms and moms who work at least forty hours per week, and everything in between. You will meet moms who work from home. You will meet moms trying to start up new businesses.

You will meet crafty moms, funny moms, smart moms, shy moms, bold moms, musical moms, creative moms, and logical moms. Extroverts and introverts are among us. Those who love the limelight and those happy to stand to the side and watch all make up our large circle of babywise moms.

We represent many religious beliefs. There are Christian moms, Atheist/Agnostic moms, Jewish moms, and Buddhist moms, among others.

We have vegetarian moms and meat-loving moms. We have moms who are organic only and moms who use whatever is available.

We have moms who homeschool, moms who are private school only, and moms who love public school.

Some babywise moms follow the AAP on vaccination recommendations. Others take a slower vaccination approach. And others don't vaccinate at all.

Wow! We have a lot of diversity among us! It is not so easy to put us in a box and label us. We have many moms who are polar opposites on today's hot-button issues.

Now, here is the part I think is so neat. We get along really well. Really, really well. Why is that?

I think we all have some important things in common.

Most of all, we believe in respecting others. We believe that other people are precious--even when they don't agree with us. We believe in good manners, even when the other person is some unknown face on the other side of a computer screen half a world away. We treat people online the same as we would treat them face to face.

I believe that is the key to why we get along well. I am a member of several Babywise groups online. Over the last couple of years, I have noticed that we as a whole have gone from discussing only "babywise" related topics to discussing all parenting topics in these groups. We value the opinions of each other. Many of us are big into personal research and like to study things out for ourselves.

I see these hot-button issues discussed over and over. There are always moms who feel very passionate on each side of the coin, and they are always respectful toward each other. I see more hot-button topics in the Chronicles Yahoo Group than any other. They are wonderful! They are full of insight and you really come to understand the reasoning behind the beliefs of others. There is no name calling. No "low blows." Just discussion among adults.

This is something 100% unique to Babywise groups. I haven't seen it in any other group that I have been a part of online.

I think some Babywise parents start Babywise only concerned about getting eating and sleeping on track. I think that is where I was when I first started with Brayden. I soon saw there was so much more to offer. I saw that because eating and sleeping were on track, I could focus on training him to be a good person. A person who respects people, loves people, and serves people. A person who was a hard, honest worker. A person who valued learning and a person who could control and discipline himself in pursuit of greater goals. These were goals that were far superior in the grand scheme of things than eating and sleeping--the eating and sleeping were just excellent stepping stones to enable us to work on these things.

Yes, we babywise moms value structure and predictability. But more than that, we share a common ultimate parenting goal, and we understand that the many hows along the way, like cloth vs. disposable diapers, do not interfere with our end "why" goal.

So thank you babywise moms for being so great. And thank you to the moms who read this blog but wouldn't define themselves as "babywise moms." You are also always kind and respectful even when disagreeing.

Sleep Training According to Babywise

image source
There are a lot of misconceptions about what sleep training is according to Babywise. Many people have come to assume that in order to be successful with the Babywise program, you need to put your baby in bed awake and leave him there until the next feeding time, no matter what. This is never actually stated in Babywise, however.

My personal view on what sleep training is according to Babywise has been that you need to figure it out for yourself. You know from reading On Becoming Baby Wise that you want your baby to be able to fall asleep on his own. You also know that it says it might take some crying to achieve this. But there is no step-by-step program in Babywise about how to teach to self-soothe.

With Brayden, I read no books to help me know how to teach him to self-soothe. I created a program myself based on what I knew about him. With Kaitlyn, I used a similar method but modified it for her personality. With McKenna, I had read The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems and decided to try out her four S's idea to help McKenna self-soothe (see Sleep Training: The Four S's ). She slept for over two months without ever crying at all. At three months, we started CIO but it was very short lived, I believe because she already had the self-soothing skills.

There is nothing wrong with reading other books to help guide you through the CIO process or to help you teach your child to self-soothe without CIO. There is the method by Ferber in Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, the method by Weissbluth in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, and the method by Hogg in The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems. I know there are many more books out there. I, myself, have written guides on how to do CIO successfully on this blog (see related posts below). I hope that as you read these books and blog posts, you will take them as good information and not solid doctrine. You really do need to apply what is best for your individual child. All three of my children have taken three different paths toward self-soothing. The end result is the same. How you get there is not what is important. Figure out what works for your child.

Is it hard? Yes! It is hard to get to know this new little person. There are many important variables to cover. For example, McKenna likes to wear socks for naps. She sleeps better if she has them on. Kaitlyn slept better without socks. Figuring this out will not happen in two different naps sessions. There are too many other factors to consider to be able to just do one nap with socks ad one without to see which your baby prefers. This is something you figure out over time. It will take a lot of thought and effort on your part.

Finally, my friend Rachel did a summary of what Babywise says about sleep training called Sleep Training- BabyWise. I encourage you to read it so you can see at a glance what sleep training is according to Babywise. The method is very ambiguous. This is a common theme among the books. The books focus more on "why" than "how." I know that is frustrating for some, but understand that it really is best in the long run. There are plenty of books out there that can offer you good ideas on how to accomplish your goals, such as The Baby Whisperer. I try to offer them here, also. But if you don't understand why, you won't ever be able to be consistent on your own. Remember that as you are sleep training, you need to design the best course of action for your individual child.

Related Posts/Blog Labels:

Starting Babywise Late

How to start Baby Wise late


Note 2013--I have a more detailed post on starting Babywise Late here.

You can always start Babywise, no matter what the age of your child. You can start as a 8 week old, 8 month old, or 2 year old. I started with Brayden at 9 weeks. Here is some advice for starting late.
  • Read the tips for starting late found in Babywise.
  • Read the CIO Bootcamp post on this blog 
  • With Brayden, I first started the eat, play, sleep, eat, play, sleep, etc. routine and also on getting him accustomed to eating every 2.5-3 for about a week before I dove into CIO. That is just what I did. You can start it all at once if you want to.
  • Expect your baby to be behind what the book says he should be doing at certain ages. He will catch up though. He won't be behind forever. Brayden was a couple of months behind for a couple of months, then by six months he was pretty much right on.
  • If you are starting with CIO, I would start at bedtime. The child is the sleepiest and it should be the shortest CIO session (though I am sure some child out there is going to prove me wrong!).
  • I would start the feeding schedule in the morning and go from there. Eat, play, sleep. Follow the schedule.
  • Know that Babywise babies who start at birth do vary in the timeline, so yours can and will, too.
  • You might want to keep a log on intervals of waketime and naps and such so you can more easily see a pattern when you need to fix problems.
  • You will run into difficulties. Address them as they come. Do it according to your personality. I like to face one thing at a time, so I address one issue at a time.
  • If you have a much older baby or a toddler, read the books that lead up to your age as well as the age you are at. They all have schedule suggestions and structure suggestions.
Good luck! Be prepared for some crying and some difficulty, but also be prepared for wonderful results. I love Babywise. The payoffs are more than worth the difficulties you face in the beginning.
Reader Questions:
  • Mom2Cohen said...
    ...my son is 12 weeks old and has yet to sleep through the night. I have just read BW and I am ready to start. My question is...do I just jump in and start at the next feeding or is it best to start in the morning, night, etc? Any other tips or advice for someone like me who is starting late? Thanks so much!
    December 27, 2007 4:51 PM
    Plowmanators said...
    It would depend on what you are are starting. If you are going to start full-on with CIO and everything, I would start CIO at bedtime. That is the sleepiest time of day, so I think it will be the most successful CIO time.For feedings, I would start at the beginning of a new day. Good luck! I will do a post on starting late; I started at 9 weeks with Brayden, so I have been there.
    December 27, 2007 4:56 PM
  • Mom2Cohen said...
    WOW! BW worked great! So here is what we did for our first night...8:30 - layed him down 9:15 - he went to sleep 9:50 - he woke up 10:30 - he went to sleep (This was the hardest period we had all night) 3:15 - he woke up/I fed him (since this was our first night CIO and he is used to eating several times at night I went ahead and allowed one feeding)3:45 - layed him down 4:30 - he went to sleep (he didn't cry for this entire time...he just layed there and looked around) 7:30 - he woke up/ I fed him. Overall, I would say that yes it was very difficult to hear him cry. However, DH was able to "listen" via monitor while I occupied myself doing other things which helped me out a lot! This morning we layed him down at 9:00 and he cooed in his crib until 9:30 when he fell asleep. That is where we are at so far...I will update more later! Thanks for all your help! I will be checking in frequently as I think this is a great resource!
    December 28, 2007 8:46 AM
    Plowmanators said...
    That is wonderful! I am so glad it all went well. Hang on to that memory. You are likely to have some hard days intermingled with the good ones. It does get better!When I started Brayden on BW, he was waking twice a night. Within a week, once a night was his norm. I did nothing to try to prevent him from waking at night, I just worked on the day stuff and the night fixed itself. I look forward to hearing about your progress!
    December 28, 2007 9:14 AM
  • mommynik said...
    I'm back! :) I started doing CIO back in February. We have had a roller coaster and I have a hard time letting my 5 month old cry b/c of small house/hardwood floors/etc. I came to my mom's house to "work it out" and it is just like at home after several nights.My problem isn't getting him to go to sleep, it is the night waking. If I let him cry, he is so sleep deprived already, that he squirms and wiggles to a place in his crib and needs rescued. Do you rescue or just let him cry? He could easily cry for 1 to 2 hours in the middle of the night. If I let him go, it seems to be never ending and it still happens every night.What is the deal? Everyone acts like it is a quick association. It isn't.I am letting CIO for naps, etc. but nothing is stopping his night waking. Do you have some suggestions? (and I'm still nursing 1 -2 times a night b/c BF & not sure a 13 lb baby can reasonably go all night.)
    April 6, 2008 9:31 PM
    Plowmanators said...
    It isn't a fast process, and the older the baby, the longer it will take to work through it. If he gets himself into a strange position in the crib, I would definitely get him. Also, until daytime is worked out, I wouldn't worry about the night. You and he both need good sleep at night to make it through the CIO in the day. He should make it better at night once he figures the self-soothing out. I would just get him, feed him, then put him back to bed. It will take time, but it will improve. Good luck! See these posts:Progress is a Spiral: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/01/progress-is-in-spiral.html When Does it Get Better?: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2007/12/when-does-it-get-better.html
    April 6, 2008 10:44 PM
  • Zasha said...
    Hi there,I just found your blog by chance! I live in Tokyo, Japan and have a 3+ week old baby boy (born on May 2nd). As you can imagine, my life has turned topsy turvy since his arrival. It's the happiest time in my life and yet the hardest.I was encouraged to demand feed and that is what I ha done since day 1. However, it is not working out for me. I am exhausted and it's taking a toll on me physically and emotionally.My baby will not go to sleep (day or night) on his own. I have to nurse him to sleep and then put him in his moses basket. Sometimes he sleeps for 2 hours, sometimes only 30 minutes. It's all very unpredictable. My friend suggested Babywise and is sending me the book. I am looking forward to reading it and practicing it although I must say that I am quite the skeptic! (perhaps my exhaustion talking here) Here are some questions which I hope you don't mind answering:
    1) If I were to start at 4 weeks-6 weeks old, is it too late? Can I undo what I had already done? (nursing him to sleep, putting him in a sling to sleep?)
    2) I have started to loosely try BabyWise by doing the feed/play/sleep routine. I feed him for at least 30 minutes, then we play with him. He often gets tired after about 30 minutes (starts yawning, rubbing eyes, fussing). Then, I put him in his moses basket and he starts crying bloody murder (all the while with his eyes shut)! My husband and I have have left our baby to cry it out several times (for his day sleep) but oh, boy, can he cry! Our baby can cry for 1.5 hours! We tried to soothe him..pat him etc but nothing worked. The cry would just escalate until we get tired of hearing him and pick him up. The moment he gets picked up, he's quiet. Do you think he's crying so much because he's too young to understand? What am I doing wrong? I read that other babies cry for 15 minutes or 30 minutes and mine goes on endlessly. What should I do? Should I wait until he's at least 6 weeks old? I am at my wits end...Thank you so much for your blog..I look forward on starting our baby on BabyWise and hope that it works for us!
    May 25, 2008 9:37 PM
    Plowmanators said...
    Zasha, I am glad you found the site! Hopefully it can be helpful to you. 1-4-6 weeks definitely isn't too late. I started at 9 with my son, and he really is a model BW kid (now 3 years old). You can undo--though you should expect some difficulty. The later you start, the harder it is; I started at birth with my daughter (13 months) and it was much easier with her. 2-I think he is crying because it is something new and not what he is used to. Since he stops crying as soon as you get him, I would say nothing is wrong with him other than he doesn't like the new arrangement. Be sure to check out the CIO bootcamp linked in this post, also see this post:Should You Do CIO? http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2007/11/should-you-do-cio.html
    Also, many many babies cry for much longer than 15 or 20 minutes. So, your son isn't strange in the least. Whenever you start, just be sure you are ready to do it all the way. If you don't stick it out, it will make the training even harder, so it is better to start when you are really committed. Be sure to look through the blog index...there are so many posts :) Good luck and don't hesitate to ask questions when they come up!
    Take Note of the Index: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/02/take-note-of-index.html
    May 26, 2008 10:17 AM
  • Skvaril's said...
    Superb site! Thank you for such a valuable source. I have a 5 month old and I definitely fall into the "starting late" category. Before finding Babywise, we had consistently had our baby on a wake eat sleep cycle schedule and had implemented CIO resulting in our baby going down for naps and sleep fairly easily. However, at the 4 month mark, naps became short and night wakings for feeds became more frequent. This is when I sought an answer and found Babywise and your site. My question is: What problem do I address first? He is on a 3 hour schedule, gets the dreamfeed but still consistently wakes 2 times (1 and 4) a night for feeding. I've tried CIO for these periods but after over 2 hours, fed him and he ate a full meal. Seems from all the postings on this site that he is getting plenty of calories during the day since we still haven't managed to get past the 3 hour routine. I started the introduction of solids but that is a work in progress. His waketime during the day is roughly 90 to 105 minutes. However, his naps have begun getting shorter (45 minutes). I tried the suggestions of shortening wake time (this whole past month has been trial and error...mostly error) but his nap times are still not increasing. I read a post which you indicated your son hated to sleep. I'm wondering if I just have one of those. When he wakes early from naps he's fussy so I know he's not well rested. Nowadays it seems the only thing that I have been able to control is morning waketime and bedtime (he's a 6:30 - 6:30 baby). I try to devote each day to establishing the Babywise routine but after seeing no results after a month of trying to implement the Babywise books and this site and not seeing any results, I'm just discouraged. Any advice would be welcome!
    July 15, 2008 9:50 PM
    Plowmanators said...
    Skvarils, Thanks for the thanks! I would suggest this post:Getting a Consistent Schedule: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/01/getting-consistent-schedule.html
    I always suggest getting the day down first because the night will usually follow. There are some babies out there who, despite their mother's best efforts, sleep only 45 minutes. It is rare, but does seem to happen. I would work on it, but try to not stress about it. Remember it takes at least 8 weeks for things to seem to click, and possibly longer when you start late. I would give it some more time for both of you to figure it out. See my post from today; the work is hard, but so well worth it! :)
    July 17, 2008 9:05 PM
  • Katie said...
    Hi, My daughter is 10 weeks old and I've been doing babywise for about a week now. Prior to babywise, I was parenting on demand, and Lily was fussy a lot of the day and up erratically at night. Now, she puts herself to sleep (happily) and sleeps from 9PM to 6 AM, eats, and goes back down until 9 AM. She is happy when she wakes up! My problem is with naps! She simply does not want to take as many naps as recommended but I am confused on how to schedule in a three hour cycle that does not involve a nap every three hours (or if I skip a nap, wait for 6 hours, which is too long!) For naps she wants to take, she happily goes down with not a peep but if she doesn't want to nap, she screams the entire time she's in her room (max 45 minutes is my limit). To me it seems that is she has learned to go down herself, and is sleeping through the night, that I have accomplished the goal of the book and can adjust the rest of the schedule accordingly. Have you had experience with this? If so, how?Thanks in advance for your advice!!
    September 11, 2008 3:44 AM
    Plowmanators said...
    I would caution against not getting enough sleep. See this post:Sleep Begets Sleep : http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/08/sleep-begets-sleep.html What I would do is keep a log and try to see a pattern in the times she doesn't "want" to sleep. See if it is the same time each day and what happens before these naps. 10 weeks is young enough that she needs her nap each cycle, so I would find out the reasons for her fighting certain naps. These posts can help you:Waking Early From Naps/Won't Fall Asleep For Naps: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/01/waking-early-from-napswont-fall-asleep.html Nap Cues : http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/03/nap-cues.html BW Tips and Tricks: Keep a Log: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2007/12/tips-and-tricks-keep-log.html She sounds like she is doing great, so you should definitely feel good about where you are thus far.
    September 15, 2008 3:11 PM